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Maybe it would help, when you limit the players to 2, when open a game, just enough space for your and your honey. No third (or fourth) player could join then (hopefully).
Additionally, you could try another region (EU/US/etc.). Maybe this a**holes will not join then. But for sure, use a password too.
As for all the items you lost, there is a mod that lets you give yourself items if you know the item ID, and there is a guide listing most of the item ID's . I use it all the time to make my play faster and easier, even though its a little like cheating. but you could use it to refill all the items you lost.
What are the devs saying about this in discord? It has been a known issue for quite some time.
Its a huge problem we had in Creativerse too, In that game I had soooo many thieves come in, I set up a spawn point where uninvited players ended up in a death trap--- got rid of so may problems. Maybe this game needs town sheriff and a jail, lol.
The other option for playing with friends could be to have a LAN option, but there needs to be an improvement in the password system and an option to instantly ban someone.
My understanding is that Bolt (the server client) found a huge flaw in their system over a year ago. Not sure how long it goes back but all of the info is on their website. They have fixed things on Bolts end but they make it clear that it's on individual devs to rework their game and such with the rewritten Bolt code
Now the question is can the game be fixed at all- we have no idea bc the devs have never addressed this subject publicly
I love this game and was getting towards 2k hours in it but had to decide to step away
A large part of this game for me is the multiplayer and having mine and my friends souls crushed when someone/s destroys a build , steal things or just cause havoc has made the game for a lot of us unplayable
My advice is do your own looking into the subject and decide if this security issue is something you are personally willing to deal with- bc imo I don't think it's going away but I do hope I'm proven incorrect eventually