This is so embarssing but i got nervous when working the loading jack thing and while i was up really high i though i saw a bird fly through the store and i ended up ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ my pants but i couldnt let anyone know so when i got down i asked to be excused for the bathroom and i went into the breakroom to steal a pair so i switched mine out with a coworkers not thinking they would find out they lost their pants, but they wouldnt know whos pants was left with ♥♥♥♥ in them.
So i coast by the entire day, my boss pulls me aside after break for privacy, i go to close the door but he apparently wanted open because of an unwanted lingering smell of "unwiped ass" in his office.

He asked me if i had anything to do with Doo doo gate (The pants switcharoo incident)
I lied and said i had no idea, he then berated me for having the audacity to lie to his face while smelling like ♥♥♥♥, and apparently they also found ♥♥♥♥ stains over the loading jack controls that i had been the last one to use.

Guys honestly im so embarrassed i just left before he could say anything else but i just know im out of a job now, and im too scared to return the pants so its going to cost me my check if i dont turn them in. What do i do now??