Understanding Orc Diplomacy

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Sputnik 8 Aug @ 8:23pm

Recently a family of Orcs busted into my house and took over my front room (they're packing some pretty OP exotic weaponry, so I think maybe they phased in from a 40K universe).

Anyway, upon arrival they promptly crapped in my sacred Eames lounge. Then they shattered my widescreen throwing lager cans at any televised "anti-orc propaganda".

So I approached them about this: Unsuccessfully. They say I should be ashamed at using unkind words like "property theft" and "vandalism."

I never before realised Orcs had such delicate feelings. I'm confused now about just who is in the right. Please advise me promptly as I am typing this uncomfortably on a laptop from the confines of the dog kennel they’ve locked me in.

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Showing 1-15 of 37 comments

salamander 8 Aug @ 8:26pm

i think you should be wary, because if orks think hard enough about something (a mighty feat for an ork, thinking hard), their thoughts can affect the fabric of reality itself. they may begin to get so angry that they picture you and your house as being made of gingerbread, and the cosmic forces of the 41st millennium will make it so.

Rumpelcrutchskin 8 Aug @ 8:28pm

If it were 40K Orcs then you and your house would already be pile of ash.

Last edited by Rumpelcrutchskin; 8 Aug @ 8:28pm

DarkCrystalMethod 8 Aug @ 8:30pm

I thought orcs organize so that one unit attacks at a time(unless some overwhelming "diplomacy" stops them).
Then they give the enemy army a chance and the process is repeated.

Masque 8 Aug @ 8:31pm

I bet that Eames lounge really tied the room together, too.

Such a shame.

Dutchgamer1982 8 Aug @ 8:33pm

when orks behave like this.. it is time to go deux vult... chop of the head of the largest of the orks.. and tell them the rest willfollow unless they depart from whence they came.

orcs only unerstand force... unless you apply it they will crap your entire house untill filled with their crap.. while tossing out all thats yours eventually they will even start treathing you and your family as slaves/sextoy/food..

Last edited by Dutchgamer1982; 8 Aug @ 8:34pm

DarkCrystalMethod 8 Aug @ 8:37pm

Send in someone to negotiate.

Sputnik 8 Aug @ 8:46pm

Thanks to whoever kindly chucked that packet of dog biscuits over the back fence for me!

salamander 8 Aug @ 8:47pm

Originally posted by DarkCrystalMethod:
Send in someone to negotiate.

the only negotiation tactic orks understand is

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jt_9fsA_XmA&ab_channel=Walhell

Sputnik 8 Aug @ 8:49pm

That's been tried elsewhere - it didn't end well.

Chronocide 8 Aug @ 8:54pm

Originally posted by Sputnik:
I never before realised Orcs had such delicate feelings. I'm confused now about just who is in the right. Please advise me promptly as I am typing this uncomfortably on a laptop from the confines of the dog kennel they’ve locked me in.

Contact your local Imperial representative. Also, be careful not to breath in the spores.

Ideally, they'll take you seriously and send adequate forces to suppress those orks:
https://youtu.be/_oqr06cHAGw

#10

Sputnik 8 Aug @ 8:58pm

Yeah I contacted the Imperium.. Oddly they supplied all that weaponry to the Orcs!

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Chronocide 8 Aug @ 9:00pm

Originally posted by Sputnik:
Yeah I contacted the Imperium.. Oddly they supplied all that weaponry to the Orcs!

Not for you to second guess the choices of the Imperium. You've done your part.

Last edited by Chronocide; 8 Aug @ 9:00pm

#12

Sputnik 8 Aug @ 9:03pm

News crew got onto the property. One cameraman was killed by a lager can.!

#13

Iratus Machina 8 Aug @ 9:04pm

Sounds like those orks declared a WAAAAAAGH! in your house. May I suggest calling your local Space Marine chapter for assistance in dealing with pest control? I mean, you might not have a house by the time they're done, but at least you'll save your neighbors the trouble dealing with such blatant, xenos-infested heresy too.

Last edited by Iratus Machina; 8 Aug @ 9:06pm

#14