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A very deep subject indeed.
i am sorry you were rejected again, but please understand that your life still has worth.
then please do, friend. i know rejection is painful, but your life has many possibilities. and if you are wishing for it, more opportunities to be finding love. this is not something to rush with, love often finds us as long we are putting ourselves out there.
To got to war and die,
If your in the Russian army maybe that's what you do as infantry.
If that is your response to any interviews on application to the Army they will likely reject you.
So?
Russia as well. They're paid 8-10 times more than the average salary, plus a sign-up bonus (article is several months old, though):
https://www.newsweek.com/russian-soldiers-contract-army-moscow-income-putin-1931428
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Know how to sew?
Cut hair?
Can u use that which is cut to make glue or grow with?
can that which is sewn made stronger to handle heavier weights to carry?
Just saying. Go in with what you are and come out with more of yourself.