Originally posted by Marauder:

am

I'm going to start a collection of old priceless clown figurines signed by the original cast of the famous leave it to beaver spinoff "Big ol' Bobby" starring a young Ron Howard look-alike. I will take these clowns and smash all of them up into a big ceramic pile. I'll take this pile of trash and tape it all together in a really big ball. It'll be a REALLY fucking big ball. Like 13". I'll use this ball to throw at a passing car. This will enrage the driver and cause him/her to confront me. I'll use my legs to kick them in the face and steal the car. I will then promptly drive to the nearest store that still for some reasons rents movies. I'll rent the movie "Unexpected Gravy" starring that big tits woman with a butterface and make like 100 copies. I'll sneak into your house and replace every dvd you own with a pirated copy of said movie. I'll then go outside, cut your cable line, and start stapling portraits of Steve Buscemi all over your house (for good measure). You'll get bored without cable and try to watch your digital video disk copy of "space balls" (gay) but OH NO! It will be that shit ass movie from the movie store.

you fuck

LISTEN HERE BERNIE YOU FUCKING TWATBUBBLE

I will breed snails in my bathtub for 5 years and then when they are all big and slimy i will put them in zip-lock baggies and throw them out the fucking window. then i will spend all of my money on apples and let them just fucking rot. Next i will go out to the country and start a farm, get it nice and successful and burn it to the fucking ground because fuck you that's why. NEXT I will audition for America's got talent but get rejected because i live in Canada but that's alright because i fucking hate reality TV. My next step is to invest in Gary Coleman postage stamps. Using an insider's trading tip i will make BILLIONS. I will then spend everything i have made on model train sets and then throw the trains off of a goddamn overpass, i will inevitably start a car crash because i have dumped literally millions of model trains and Model Train paraphernalia onto the freeway below. Ultimately i will be sent to prison for a few years because manslaughter. While in prison i will start a cigarette ring and make literally tens of dollars, when i get out of prison i should be about 50 or so years old, I will then spend the next 25 years making a living carving soap sculptures, and then selling the shavings to soap factories for a minimal profit. the soap sculptures I will keep because I'm getting old and they're almost as god as friends now. by the time i am about 75 i will retire. after which i will look back on my life and reflect on the things I've done, and then punch bernie in the fucking dick.

OPEN LETTER TO BERNIE SANDERS

I'm going to mail you a penny in an envelope. Then the next day I'll mail 2 pennies. I'll keep adding a penny every day until it gets to be a retarded amount of pennies. Like the envelope can barely hold them. Eventually you're gonna have all these goddamn pennies you won't know what to do with. You'll start with a cup of pennies and then graduate to a milk jug. After a while you'll give up on child's play and move on to something like one of those bigass plastic storage containers. But even that won't be enough. I'm not sending the pennies in envelopes anymore. I'm sending them in packages. This takes a shitton of money to ship because it's fucking heavy. You'll keep getting packages of pennies day after day. You will eventually have an entire room set aside just to put pennies in. One day you'll get fed up and take them to coin star or something. But by then it will be too late. It doesn't matter anyway. I'll still be sending more pennies than you can get rid of.
you'll try to throw them away. You won't give a shit. The garbage won't take them though because they're too fucking heavy. Your life will become pennies. You will dream about pennies. You'll dread going home. But it won't stop there. I'll start leaving them in your car too. They'll pile up endlessly and there's nothing you can do about it.
At some point you'll give up on your house and try to move in with a friend so you can finally be free from the copper hell. But oh no! Shit's fuck up in there too! Pennies are already there. He doesn't know why, but it doesn't matter. You do. This will inevitably lead to you being homeless because you will have literally exhausted any means of escaping this shiny nightmare. You'll be asleep on the streets one night. You'll be awoken suddenly by a jingling sound. "Oh no!" you think. You know what it is. You open your eyes and see me. I'm standing in front of you. I just dropped a large sack of pennies.

I have just spent my entire life savings making your life miserable, you piece of shit.

I'm going to start a collection of old priceless clown figurines signed by the original cast of the famous leave it to beaver spinoff "Big ol' Bobby" starring a young Ron Howard look-alike. I will take these clowns and smash all of them up into a big ceramic pile. I'll take this pile of trash and tape it all together in a really big ball. It'll be a REALLY fucking big ball. Like 13". I'll use this ball to throw at a passing car. This will enrage the driver and cause him/her to confront me. I'll use my legs to kick them in the face and steal the car. I will then promptly drive to the nearest store that still for some reasons rents movies. I'll rent the movie "Unexpected Gravy" starring that big tits woman with a butterface and make like 100 copies. I'll sneak into your house and replace every dvd you own with a pirated copy of said movie. I'll then go outside, cut your cable line, and start stapling portraits of Steve Buscemi all over your house (for good measure). You'll get bored without cable and try to watch your digital video disk copy of "space balls" (gay) but OH NO! It will be that shit ass movie from the movie store.

you fuck

SHREK FLEW THROUGH THE WINDOW AND GAVE GABE - N ANAL RAPE. SHREK DID IT SO HARD,THAT GABE - N...

SHREK FLEW THROUGH THE WINDOW AND ANALLY RAPED WEEGEE