kooper's a weeb lmao

I find myself to be in a similar situation to Rick. Not in that I am a pickle, but that I view myself and my intelligence as both an unstoppable force and an inescapable curse. (I know, I'm an arrogant ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Feel free to ignore me.) I love being able to predict things around me and control my own little world to some extent, but at the same time I'm incredibly bored by "work" that I feel is beneath my abilities and desires. In some cases, especially when the "work" is really taxing on me emotionally, I would rather just die (read: escape). I do have some self-destructive tendencies, not in a suicidal sense but more in a "♥♥♥♥ everyone, here's the truth" sense. I would sometimes be fine with sacrificing my reputation and position in life in order to escape the boring "work" of what has become a routine, nagging on my subconscious. There's a part of me that hates that nagging so much that I would be fine just letting my ego run free, abusing anyone in my path for the sake of my own judgement of what is worth my interest.
The only problem is that with that approach to life I would eventually be alone and still unable to reach exactly what I want out of this world. I don't want to just be in control. Complete control is impossible anyhow; people can only be manipulated so far and reality only bends as much as my arms can handle before giving out. I'm not a god. I want more meaningful things than control anyways. I want to be loved. I want to love. I want to connect with people mentally and spiritually. I want to serve God. I want to make the most of the time I have and fulfill my natural needs as a human as well as help others fulfill those needs. I want to discover the truth about people, about God, about reality, and to pass that truth on to those after me so that they will be better equipped to live in this world. I want to do what most people want to do: make the world a better place. At the end of the day, being a narcissistic ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ doesn't accomplish that as effectively as I would like. There's nothing wrong with trying different things and removing myself from negative situations, but raising my own standards as high as my impossibly large ego will only make me miserable in the end. Sometimes suffering through stupid ♥♥♥♥ can lead to something or someone truly worthwhile on the other side. That right there makes it worth it to accept an imperfect, ♥♥♥♥♥♥ world instead of trying to dominate it by sheer force.
Darn you, Rick and Morty...\

It was a rainy October morning. I had spent the night camped out in front of my local McDonald's to make sure I would get some of their szecuan sauce. As I emerged from my tent I was greeted by s horrifying sight... a sign was posted saying the McDonald's had never received it's szecuan sauce! "Lick my balls!" I thought, still managing a smirk at my superior intelligence... then I heard it. A faint "wubba lubba dub dub" and although it began faintly, it slowly grew to a booming roar. Before I could cover my ears from the growing cacophony he appeared. Pickle Rick. "LOOK MORTY I'M PICKLE RICK" he shouted, clearly delusional and mistaking me for Morty. Before I could defend myself he was upon me. He forced his pickley self down my throat, and I knew I had no choice but to try and please him. As I began to hurriedly move my tongue I felt him began to dislodge himself from my gullet. "I TURNED MYSELF INTO A PICKLE MORTY" he screeched, leaving my ears ringing. I watched in horror as he pushed me down and began to enter my anal cavity. As he thrust his body in and out of my crevice, I found myself coming to the horrifying conclusion that I enjoyed it. As Pickle Ricks bumpy exterior and perfect girth moved within me I felt myself building to a massive explosion. "I'M PICKLE RICK" he screamed. The scream was so loud it left me deaf, but the reverberations from his voice stimulated my prostate added to the already massive pleasure I felt. I exploded, shooting uncountable ropes of my baby batter. "L-LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO MORTY?" I saw him say, frantically reading his lips and feeling the vibrations from his screams. "CLEAN IT UP!" He yelled the faintest hit hint of a smirk on his face. I lapped greedily, I knew I would do anything for my master. After swallowing the last mouthful I let out a satisfied belch. I looked to my new master for guidance, but I would receive none. "Wubba lubba dub dub" he whispered planting a kiss on my cheek before flying off. "Wubba lubba dub dub," I said to myself, "wubba lubba dub dub."