Mh.. so.. I recently just lost my.. reason to live.. my closest friend.. the one I loved.. my best friend.. and i have no idea why.. i can no longer get in touch with her.. no matter how much I've tried.. so..now i'm even more depressed than ever.. and now even more alone than i've ever been before.. the thing is.. that was my best friend.. i've never really had real genuine friends.. and those i ever have considered friends have always dissapeared in the end.. I hate losing everybody every single time.. and each time it happens I feel less and less of anything like.. i don't even know how to explain it..

I had actually just come out of the hospital recently.. after well.. i'm not gonna say it here but i'm not proud of myself.. i hate myself honestly..

Anyways.. so.. I'm always nervous around people.. making "friends" is the most difficult thing ever.. and i just.. i can't stand losing them all the time.. so.. i'm always practically alone.. very very quiet and shy.. depressed..social anxiety.. just so many stupid problems that I hate who I am..

I didn't think i would ever post again..and it's been a long time since I have.. but I'm looking for people.. for friends..for close friends.. to maybe consider someone a best friend one day who knows maybe something even more than that..like..love.. although I won't get my hopes up again.... and to not have them dissapear like always.. I hate being alone so much..

I don't mind male or female or whatever.. i mean.. majority of people i've ever known/gotten close to have been girls so.. i just feel a little more comfortable with them than guys but.. i don't care about that.. I just want new people in my life.. who will have a positive effect on me..

I am a guy though.. just fyi.. anyways.. regardless of who you are.. I'm hoping at least one person will add me.. you don't have to be a high lvl or no private accounts or post a comment on my profile saying where and why and etc.. i mean.. yeah maybe post here on this thread? you don't have to though.. it just would be nice.. anyways.. i'll post this on a couple other friends groups.. If you've read this far..thanks you..