Recent reviews by King Vaughn

Connection terminated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, Elizabeth, if you still even remember that name, But I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You are not here to receive a gift, nor have you been called here by the individual you assume, although, you have indeed been called. You have all been called here, into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles, chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near, yet somehow out of reach, but you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your story ends. And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you, although there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well. I am nearby.

[Nerd]
Yes, I am a nerd; bookworm, I’m studious
From my cerebral cortex to my gluteus
Back in Kindergarten, I aced my college entrance exam
Now, I’m no rocket scientist - oh wait, I am
When I pour my Alpha-bits, I get nothing but straight A’s
My retainer and headgear connect to a back brace
I've got a pocket-protector protector protector
I broke my glasses on purpose so I could tape ‘em together
Run back to Reddit and type stuff no one will see
You’re a geek, that means you’re just a hipster wannabe

[Geek]
That’s right, I’m a geek; I’ve got brains and a personality
I wear my glasses sincerely and my T-Shirts ironically
There’re some things you can’t learn in a class
Or else I’d sign you up for “Intro to How Not to Be a Social Outcast”
You’re just so early 2013
I was the cool form of uncool before uncool became a thing
I use an app to pair pork with the perfect Bordeaux
Too bad there’s no app to neutralize your B.O
While you’re lost in Second Life letting your fingernails grow long
I’ll be syncing up my iPhone, tablet, TV, and your mom

[Nerd]
Sure, grooming’s not my thing, but I don’t care
I look so good in chain-mail that it’s not Renaissance Faire
[Geek]
Doesn't LARP stand for Loser And Reject Party?
I’d rather cosplay with hotties than play fake army
I tried Dungeons and Dragons once and I died - of boredom
But I’ll still kick your Assassin’s Creed post-mortem
Mario Party’s the only one you get invited to
Your life is like Skyrim: an endless quest of Solitude

[Nerd]
Ooh, you beat Angry Birds
You’re not a gamer ‘cause you battle your friends with words
You click on cute icons, I execute commands
Do you really need a “genius” to teach you Garage Band?

[Geek]
I landed the first ROFLCOPTER
And took in orphans when I was 12 ‘cause I’m an early adopter
I can wear Google Glass without looking like a dweeb
Okay, maybe not, but I can Yelp us some good pho to eat

[Nerd]
You need 16 gigs of RAM to watch a Steve Jobs Doc?
I keep an actual ram in my PC, His name is Spock

[Geek]
I’m a new console
Your face is birth control
I troll Brony sites
You look like an actual troll
[Nerd]
I’m fluent in C++
[std::cout << “You just suck! \n”;\]
Can your iPhone auto-correct
Your dumb haircut?

[Geek]
Hold on a second let me tweet this infographic I made
That illustrates the fact you’ll never get to procreate

[Nerd]
I just haven’t met a woman of a high enough caliber
The only dates you have are on your G-G-Google Calendar

[Geek]
You’re losing this battle, your foam sword won’t help
In the future you’ll randomly access this memory and crap yourself

[Nerd & Robot]
Did I mention I built a dancing robot?
No one gives a Shatner about your skinny jeans
Do you even know what URL means?

[Geek]
You don’t know what you’re Tolkien about
(Sung in Elvish)
Much wind pours from your mouth, you cowardly dog!
You are ugly, and your mother dresses you
Go kiss an Orc

i bind

not scary at all alejandro is just a little ♥♥♥♥♥ boy

sand

block go slice

spook

mastapiece

play NOW

pretty good