Recent reviews by ɠųąཞɖıąŋ ąŋɠɛƖ!

(mini-review.)

A trash-tier competitive horror game in the same vein as Gun's previous Friday the 13th game, Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a pale imitation of Dead by Daylight that poses 3 Family killers against 4 survivors. All you need to know, however, is that the game is an abject failure. Firstly, the game isn't particularly attractive, nor performant, especially for the visuals you get. Secondly, the game play is derivative of what you would see in a variety of other contemporaries. Finally, the game has only one map to operate in and, worse still, is completely compromised by hackers. A friend and I bought the title and jumped in, played 3 games, fiddled with our load outs and were quickly hacked into incapacitation. Our Family characters were stuck in rotating loops of useless animations.

Some may argue that every game has hackers. This may be true but after decades of online gaming, I can honestly say that this is the first game that I've every played where I ran into a game-breaking hacker in a scant 1.5 hours.

Avoid this trash. The title is effectively unplayable and the toxic experience alone is enough to scare away even the most hardened TCM aficionados.

3/10.

Stray is one of the finest games of this generation. I can understand why any readers that haven't played this game, would rankle at such a conceit. If anyone had told me that I would be writing those words in a review about a platforming/puzzling cat game 10 years ago, I'd have thought that they were absolutely daft. Stray, however, proves to be a masterclass game, from a small developer no less, that ticks every box and puts many other AAA experiences to absolute shame.

Without spoiling too much of the game, Stray deals with the story of a cat (Stray) that is separated from the rest of his friends/family and becomes trapped in a massive post-apocalyptic city. Along the way, he discovers the origins of the giant community, what happened to all other life within the confines of the city's walls and surprising revelations about humanity, and the world. Stray meets a variety of characters, including a wide variety of sentient robots and other character companions. He must also use his agility, stealth and cleverness to cope with a variety of hazards, including the all-consuming, tick-like Hurk, security drones and all manner of environmental dangers.

To say that the storytelling is excellent is an understatement. The cat's plot perfectly unfolds through exposition, adventures, unlocked memories and info dump entries that culminate in legitimate investment towards the safety, wellness and happiness of Stray and his companions. The expert-level storytelling is bolstered by truly beautiful visuals that are comprised of both excellently executed graphics as well as masterful aesthetic design. Unreal Engine lighting is leveraged to a fantastic degree to provide nigh-photo-realistic environments and the game does an amazing job of building palpable atmosphere.

Graphics are supported by singularly unique music, as well as competent voice acting. The game is stable, efficient and performant, which is not easily said in today's landscape of shovelware. The duration of the campaign ranges from about 8-10 hours depending on how much sight-seeing you would like to complete prior to the rolling of the credits. The game play is absolutely sublime. Stray sprints, bounds and moves like you would expect a cat to and that fluidity of movement becomes crucial in surviving hazards posed by the Hurk, security drones and a hostile environment. Mild-moderate puzzling also abounds, and all of the puzzles make good rational sense, rarely seeming out of place.

If it sounds like Stray is a perfect game, that's because it very much nearly is. The game is relatively inexpensive and its plot beats tug at the heart quite effectively. The game uses physics in clever ways and the game play and ending are both extremely satisfying. If the game has any flaws, they would be that the game has limited replayability (the game can be speedrun at 2 hours) and that despite its excellent pacing, can be completed in under 10 hours.

Despite those small niggling issues, Stray is a beautiful title that serves as an experience, rather than a series of rote MMO cut-out "missions" that are quickly forgotten. Stray will stay with you for awhile. What is Stray? Succinctly put, Stray is a cuter, more poignant, sometimes more frightening, more intelligently-written Half-Life 2, without a multiplayer component. If that sounds intriguing, you should totally pick up Stray on sale.

Stray is a Meowsterpiece. Two paws way up.

Highest possible recommendation.

9.5/10.

(mini-review.)

It's actually just like Arkham City, except if Arkham City was populated by four bi-twenty somethings and the game was submerged in a wave of woke vomit. Oh and if every enemy was a giant, fat lesbian. With teal crocks on. And ankle chains. Thank you Sweet Baby Inc. You did it again. This game is absolutely farcial.

That point where the game's UI is impenetrable, optimization is dirt and the first major boss you grapple with has you fight against grunts to the tune of some girl-chick womens' rights punk power ballad.

Not worth the time. There are much better games available.

5/10.

Few people love Warhammer 40,000 more than I do. I have countless miniatures, as well as most of the codices from 1-9th editions. I have dozens of Warhammer 40,000 games and shelves full of novels and collectibles. What I wanted out of Chaos Gate was a game with a rich-story, excellent XCOM-like game play and plenty of squad customizability. What I got instead was an overly complex, dull, lore-deaf title with laughably poor presentation.

What does the game get right? It runs and it's turn based. That's about it. What does it get wrong? Everything else. The story is dull and threadbare. Sound and music are forgettable. Graphics and character designs are an abject failure. I'm sure some people will like the "absurd, toy-like" appearance of the Grey Knights in Chaos Gate but, truth be told, the appearance of all of the characters, from ridiculous proportions, senseless sizing and rough detailing just rub me the wrong way. Plenty of other sources like the Astartes fan film, to Regicide by Hammerfall all had firstborn marines that were both faithful to the original design, yet brutally cool in appearance. These marines look like a *joke*.

What's even worse is that the game is overly detailed, with tons of pointless options, actions, graphical cues, objects and the like, rendering the title a veritable vomit of UI excess. The game isn't even lore-accurate as marines are more apt to knock down columns or use smashing attacks rather than using their nemesis weaponry or absurdly powerful bolters. Moreover, I played the game for 30 minutes against 4 chaos heretics on maximal difficulty. My findings? One heretic took four thunderhammer strikes to die. Another took three hails of bolter fire. I immediately replayed the same fight on the lowest difficulty possible and discovered the same issue.

Three thunderhammer strikes. Two volleys of bolter fire. All this and a dearth of real equipment customizability. I couldn't proceed past the two hour mark despite three distinct attempts to restart the game. It was literally that boring. While this game gets attention and support, the sad part is excellent titles like the abandoned Warhammer 40,000 Deathwatch languish in oblivion. I guess people would prefer to focus on knocking rocks on their enemy's head, rather than upgrading their character's wargear and tactics.

If you have low standards and are desperate for a turn based strategy game, then I suppose this title could suffice but one could ask why you wouldn't just play Rogue Trader or Deathwatch instead. Heck, there are plenty of non-Warhammer 40,000 games that have more features than this game, while being far more beautiful *and* intuitive.

Expensive, yet unsatisfying fare.

Not worth the time. There are better games available...like Deathwatch.

6/10.

The Invincible is a first-person walking simulator where you serve as the role of biologist Yasna a member of the Commonwealth research ship the Dragonfly. You explore Regis III and discover that far more powerful, competing faction has landed and you both have encountered a profoundly alien life on the planet in the form of hyper-advanced, miniaturized machines that can wipe human neural activity completely. In the face of such difficult conditions and against a non-sentient but dangerous and powerful adversary, Yasna must attempt to rescue as many members of both crews as possible and evacuate Regis III.

The game has excellent atmosphere, exceptional artistic direction and rich dialogue. While some small exploration and puzzle elements exist within the game, The Invincible is more of a conveyor belt of experiences that lead to an astounding 11 possible endings. Game-altering choices abound as the title deals with heavy concepts such as human destiny, notions of metabiology, necroevolution, cyberneticism, protonihilism and pervasive struggle of humanity against a cosmos that subsumes it. Voice acting and musical scores are exceptionally rich and satisfying, adding to the interactions between Yasna and her astrogator, Novik.

Graphics are excellent, with a hazy, painterly style applied over its "retro-future atompunk" art style that harkens back to days of early space travel and exploration. The game is stable and performant, with a solid and accessible UI. Not all things are perfect however, as The Invincible often feels padded, even with its comparatively short 8 hour run time. Physical realities and constraints are quickly bypassed during the course of the game, in order to proceed through the game's barreling storyline. For example, Yasna's limited oxygen and the poisoned atmosphere of Regis III are quickly side-stepped over the course of the 8 hour experience.

Characters who are brilliant scientists, engineers and astronauts presumably commit a litany of idiotic actions that imperil not only their own lives but the lives of others. Even Yasna is guilty of such reckless and pointless behavior. In fact, you often find yourself challenging the judgement of individuals around you. Finally, the game's reliance on helmets, buggies and cramped environments often make seeing objectives or destinations difficult.

Still, as an inexpensive diversion and a unique and singularly different experience, The Invincible succeeds in its goal of providing a thoughtful and attractive science fiction adventure. You may not play the game over and over but it is a title that you won't likely regret buying and whose questions about our role in the stars will stay for you, if at least for a little while.

Worth a look.

7/10.
Is anyone really invincible?

I'm a pretty big Star Wars fan. While, I'm a IP traditionalist, I truly enjoyed Star Wars Fallen Order. The animations, combat and movement were reasonably entertaining and the concept of a young Jedi on the run was a sufficiently interesting concept. You even eventually fight Vader, get your butt kicked, and have to run away. The game set up a few concepts for future exploration, and despite a slew of weaknesses, the game felt satisfying overall. I considered it a good, if albeit not great game. Needless to say, I was pretty stoked for Jedi Survivor.

Imagine my disappointment, when I discovered that Jedi Survivor was basically Fallen Order+. All the same weaknesses bundled with a dearth of new ideas hamper this title and make it unbelievably superfluous. The plot of the game is threadbare, with Cal organizing a forgettable team of rebels to strike back at the Empire. Rather than tying their exploits to Star Wars A New Hope, much like Rogue One, instead you run through an introductory piece in Coruscant. The chapter is lifeless, sterile and filled with hyper-buffed storm troopers and movement puzzle after movement puzzle. Very quickly, your rebel team is wiped out in short order with the exception of one easily telegraphed betrayal-bait.

It's at this time that you get your first taste at how utterly pointless this title is as a legitimate addendum to the Star Wars mythos. Despite being loosed in a small sand boxed area, there's really nothing of aesthetic value or thematic curiosity. There are no real, relevant secrets. Sure, there's the same plethora of sweatshirt colorations and some new hairdos but, aside from utterly pointless fare, the game gives you very little incentive to travel off the beaten path and explore their already small, formulaic world. It seems that the developers learned absolutely nothing from the last title and decided to commit all the same errors.

Yes, you can level up in the game with skill points but progress is glacial and he new skills are only vanity moves as more threatening enemies will swarm you while frantically blocking everything you throw at them, rendering your new bag of tricks predominantly pointless. Bosses all respond to the exact, same predetermined combat patterns and you'll often spend time blocking and dodging instead of using your newly acquired abilities. Despite spot-on perfect combat animations and a wealth of melee panache, the game forgets the purpose of different light saber stances and instead favors a few stances over others.

The plot leaves Cal in the same spot as we found him in the first game. And while the supporting cast changed substantially, it did not really do so for the better. Environments, characters, and thematic beats all seem anathematic to traditional Star Wars and no where is this seen more clearly than in how the game treats its villains. The villains are boring and, for the most part, photocopied throughout the title. Battle a giant, butch alien Sith and she'll use the same moves that are foisted upon Darth Vader later in the game. In fact, Vader is treated pretty poorly, lacking the gravitas and fearsome presence of the first title.

Worse still is that the game conveys a negative message that Jedis need to access the dark side to become more powerful and to be able to triumph over enemies. On the bright side (har har), the animation and combat are often sublime and, with the exception of Cal's creepy Benjamin Button-like features, the game looks and plays beautifully. Music and voice acting is, for the most part, good. It's just that the game gives little incentive to play it other than humping the same 5 slashing animations over and over. The game even disrespects its player's time by forcing them to return to areas hours later, to unlock forgettable areas that only contain blobs of flavor text or absurdly flamboyant dress coloring.

I guess my gripe with Star Wars: Jedi Survivor comes down to this:

Remember in The Empire Strikes back, when Luke spent 4 hours fighting overpowered baton-wielding storm troopers, super-droids and animal-analogues as he wandered aimlessly through sterile and empty Bespin hallways? Oh and that time that Luke spent 15 minutes trying to figure out how to shimmy up a pipe, so that he could half pipe off of a metal plank and land on a platform 20 feet away? What about right after that when he added frosted tips to his hair and changed the color of his light saber to puce? Wasn't that quintessential Star Wars? You remember all that right?

No?

Me neither. This isn't Star Wars, it's Tomb Raider with glow sticks and without the Shakira Hips-Don't-Lie protagonist eye-candy. This game is just boring and it still doesn't even support Steam Overlays and FPS counters. Pass.

Not worth the time. There are better games available.

6/10.

(mini-review.)

What looks like an epic mash-up of Baldur's Gate 3 and The Walking Dead actually comes off as a frustrating mess. The Trailer shows lots of shooting play, which will get your team killed in short order since noise attracts a staggering amount of zombies. Abstaining from firearms won't stop large amounts of zombies from confronting you, however, since the game constantly spawns zombies to oppose you in greater and greater numbers and they all have wall hacks, able to triangulate your exact position. Sneaking, stealth, and resource management are, therefore, pointless. Risk the life of your party to pick up items, only to have them break, disappear or consume themselves between maps. It's almost like the developers were desperately finding new and ingenious ways to make the game as frustrating as possible.

Oh and the game has some rendering issues which punish certain Vega-based graphics cards.. Refund requested.

Not worth the time. There are better games available.

6/10.

(mini-review).

Call of Duty is no longer the mountain-topping franchise it was 10 years ago. This entry into the IP is little more than a point release. It has some good voice acting, some decent music, bog-standard and plain-feeling weapons, as well as a sleep-inducing plot. What could have been interesting and full of cloak-and-dagger double and triple crossing, instead becomes an extreme and absurd caricature of 1980s black ops. Graphics vacillate from jaw-dropping, to downright murkily ugly. The game campaign is only about 8 hours long, and is full of the same, tired, trope set pieces you've already played through in the past. Multiplayer is a nest full of hackers and that's when you can assemble a game at all. Zombies is fun but really a ghost town.

This game might be fun for a spin at 5-10 dollars, USD. It's not worth more than that.

Not worth the time. There are better games available.

6.5/10.

(mini-review).

Alone in the Dark is a re-imagining of the venerable, 1992 cult horror game. Set in the early 1940s, against an Art Nouveau, Call of Cthulhu-inspired backdrop, Alone in the Dark uses the threat of foreboding, cosmic cataclysm to generate much of its anxiety and dread. The game has atmosphere, unsettling monsters, a unique visual style and two well-performed lead protagonists. The graphics, are good, if albeit plain and the game, while stuttery at times, is, for the most part, stable. Gun play is good, melee is a bit of a miss and the bosses/puzzles are a combination of both. Interestingly eerie environments abound.

That said, be aware that Carnby's play through covers everything you need to know about the title and Hartwood's own play through not only adds little in the way of new content but it is also filled with woke narratives that detract from the story. Ultimately, the game feels like a AA Resident Evil-inspired remake of a comparable survival horror IP and its 10 hour campaign is well-worth 15-20 dollars. To date, the developer Pieces, has has been shuttered by THQ Nordic. Don't expect additional content or additional Alone in the Dark remakes any time soon.

A nice, solid little diversion in the same vein as the Resident Evil and Silent Hill remakes. Buy on sale.

Recommended.

7.5/10.

(mini-review).

Do you want to play a first person version of Silent Hill with diminished atmosphere and terrible combat? Do you want to play a beautiful horror game but only if it crashes every other start and it has nausea-inducing head bobbing that can't be disabled through any means? Do you want to play a game that foregoes storytelling and instead obsessively ensures that all enemy creatures have anatomically correct packages?

Man, do I have a game for you: it's called Pine Harbor and it's not even worth 5 dollars USD.

Avoid this game.

4/10.