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Xoxo
Ya boi. Conner.
Not sure what tricks or gaffs I can tell you in order to launch it. If I were you I'd look up the same situation. Same thing happened to me with GTA 4 since the game was poorly ported to the PC (I assume). Best thing I can say is hope for the best and google is your friend. Sorry I'm not very helpful am I?
Oh, and happy birthday. You're a swell dude.