""Do you wanna know the story behind my tentacles?" A very drunk David slurs at the Demoman.
"Nah." Demo then chugs his Scrumpy.
"My teacher, who is teaching us ho-how-comment to becam a Spy main...We-we-she had to activate a special chakra...All Spois ha-ha-have it."
"Have what?"
"The "Friendship is Enchanted" chakra, it-ir-it activates when a Sphee is in severe dander."
Jack-Louis is staring intensely at his cards, thinking of what should he bet on, while David and Demo are being flat out drunk. Not caring that the tentaspy is revealing one of the most guarded Spy secrets.
"All that the Spy must do is backtrack towards the flashback. I (hic) went too far back, my life flash-ash before my eyes and I ended up as a tentaspy."
"I've sheen an' heard worst." Hics Travis. "Like when I los' me eye."
"My teacher removed nah cardboard box 'ome, threatened the other Spies to tie weights to my legs. As I was drowni' I went to-to-to far beyond the flashback...I aw-aw-aw my Pere et Mère, bur somehow I then eventually saw these tentacles."
Demo spitted out his whiskey, Jack-Louis gave a surprise yelp, leaps away to save his cards from the raining Scrumpy. How can anyone treat a friendly like that?
"Box Spies are related ta tentaspies in the Sphee evolution tree somehow." David lifts the nearby stool. "But the incident opened up a primal 'stinct that I didn't know that I have, I want to stab and drink the blood of a d2p Engineer, Hoovy, or Baby Medic. My knives cra-cra-crave for the field of battle, that's why I teach that-that buffet classroom, I teach my students how to be better at bo-bo-both Engi and Spy. C'est fun to go after clever Engineers, I want challenges each time I hunt."
Demo stared at David shock, while the red tentaspy gave a silly grin. "My teacher went so far to destroy the Box Spy habitat, the main un, all Spy mains have da same school story...What doesn't kill us, make us stronger." David continues to retell his sob stories, each one more insane the last.
"I dislike G.G.G.E.W.P, they are-are-are responsible far-far-far Spy crabs not being able ta finding enough food ta survive. They ma-mak-make it sharder for me-meh to go on a lunch break after teaching mah-mah future victims."
Later,
"I wash roasted by a f2d Py-Py-Pyro, who hacked me ta death. He almost cooked Jack-Louis. But we mana-ag-aged to live."
"Ah."
An hour later,
"One day, I an' Jack-Louis were kicked out-out-out of awr loger, because I wasn't able to pay the house loan on time. My savior turned little monster somehow hack mah account and use my bank money for his gambling addiction..."
Beads of sweat began to pour from the grown up Spycrab, he draw his cards closer so no one won't see his face. He remembers how he lost them their fourth apartment.
Another hour later,
"Eari-ah, I was ordered to not bring in mah gardevoir over-ah, that same day as I was killed by that noob Pyro, my poor poka-mon summoned ah black hole." David paused. "He was worried 'bout me, plus, thee udders aren't happy of havin' to respawn again. Whereas David an' I respawn quickly, due to our chakra unlocks."
This made the Demoman pour some of his whiskey on the floor, thinking "How was David still alive?"
"Jack-Louis saved me from death that day, after I crawled into a beach, he was on a migra-migrashun and took a liking to me."
Later,
Demo is now pouring the rest of his whisky on the floor, "Demo, ya know dat (hic) ALL Spy mains hav' bean subjected to da-da horrible, emotionally scarring backstories...(hic) yesh, even "non-weeb" Spy mains, in fact, that same teacher said dat his-his-his pet fleas are way betta Spies than all the Spy main Youtubers an' Twitch streamers in existance. We wah kinda taught by him and model by 'im, but that left me emotionshally scarred for life."
"Now I know what not ta ask whed Spies do Q and A streams." Thinks the Demoman, all he wanted to do was cheer up David, since the tentaspy was going through another bad day, but he bitten off more than he can chew.


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Subtitle to A/N: Remember, son, dying is gay.

I am trying to make David as a semi-parody of an anime protagonist, base on the fact that there's the "ALL Spy mains are weebs" stereotype and that some of the reasons why anime protags survive getting fatally injured (well, what's regarded as a "fatal injury" in real life) are because they have the "friendship/family bonds" as their power or a huge will to live with the flashback icing included. - Which is why I tell people "Anime/manga are PG-13/TV-14 or R/TV MA "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic."" Because of this.

For those that don't know, but me giving Jack-Louis a bit of a gambling addiction is a reference to "spycrabbing" a gambling activity that happens in the trade servers.

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Spycrab, Demoman, Team Fortress 2 © Steam"