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All Achievements
By Miloš Sladić
  • If you want to earn all achievements in the most efficient way, do them exactly in the order I wrote them.
  • If you know a way to improve the efficiency, please post in the comments below.
  • You can find the community contributions at the end of this guide. Read them first. Also check the comments for any updates from the community, because I don't have time to frequently update.
  • Any mention of SAM or any other cheating software will get your comment removed. I'm neutral about almost everything in life, but I despise filthy cheaters.
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Created by
Miloš Sladić
Offline
Category: Achievements
Languages: English
Posted
Updated
5 Mar, 2018 @ 7:58am
5 Aug, 2022 @ 9:34am
8,564 Unique Visitors
552 Current Favorites
Guide Index
Overview
Part 0 
Part 1 
Part 2 
Part 3 - Boondock Saint 
Part 4 - Mickey and Mallory 
Part 5 - Peter North would be proud 
Part 6 - Holes is holes 
Part 7 - Bulletstorm 
Part 8 - Ballmer Baller 
Community contributions 
Comments
Part 0
You don't need to worry about these achievements, because they will unlock automatically while you are doing the other achievements in this guide.

1.
And so it begins...
Make your first kill.
2.
Forrest Gump
Run for 5 minutes.
3.
Patrick Bateman
Make 100 kills.
4.
NOPE! Chuck Testa.
Fight an ostrich.
5.
Half-mast hard-on
Complete level 10.
6.
Get a girlfriend
Complete the game.
7.
Dexter
Make 1000 kills.
8.
I'm afraid I just blue myself!
Commit suicide.
Part 1
Part 1 of this guide will take you between 15 and 30 minutes to complete, and you will unlock the following 8 achievements:

1.
How Kevorkian!
Perform your first execution.
2.
Took a banger in the mouth
Take a rocket to the face.
3.
Dirty knees
Duck under a rocket.
4.
Bad touch!
Touch someone while burning.
5.
From my cold, dead hands
Complete a level with less than 10 health.
6.
Oh, you press F1!
Start the second level.
7.
Sissy
Enable cheats.
8.
Never nude-ist
Kill a naked person.

  1. Go to options\controls\keyboard setup and select restore defaults.
  2. Go to options\difficulty and set it to 1.
  3. Go to start\single player\new campaing\postal
  4. Shoot someone until he falls down and starts crawling. Move on top of him and press "X" key on the keyboard. Don't let anyone shoot at you while you are doing this (1. How Kevorkian!).
  5. Follow the road until you find the hostile that shoots missiles. Let him hit you in the face (2. Took a banger in the mouth). Wait for him to fire again and then press "F" key on the keyboard to duck under the missile (3. Dirty knees).
  6. Behind him is the hostile with a pistol. Spare him for now.
  7. At the top and bottom right corners of the map, there are hostiles that throw molotovs. Let one of them hit you. While you are on fire, move towards someone that is not and touch him (4. Bad touch!).
  8. Kill everyone except that one hostile with a pistol that you spared earlier.
  9. Let him shoot at you until you have less than 10 health points and then immediately press "F1" key on the keyboard (5. From my cold, dead hands) (6. Oh, you press F1!).
  10. At the start of the second level enter "healthful" on keyboard (7. Sissy).
  11. Quit the game.
  12. Go to start\single player\new campaing\special delivery
  13. Make it to the third level "Earthquake", and kill the running naked civilian (8. Never nude-ist).
  14. Quit the game.
Part 2
Part 2 of this guide will take you a few hours to complete, and you will unlock the following 5 achievements:

1.
The Hell's Fargo Wagon
Firebomb the band.
2.
Army of One
Use every weapon in the game.
3.
Z for Zachariah
Complete the game having killed everything.
4.
I swear, the AR is for hunting!
Complete the game using only the M16.
5.
You want our autograph too?
Watch all the credits.

  1. Go to start\single player\new campaing\postal
  2. Save at the beginning of each level.
  3. Only use machine gun (the weapon that has an unlimited ammo). Never change it.
  4. Kill everything that can be killed on every level.
  5. Collect/pick up all weapons on every level, but only use machine gun.
  6. When you reach the fourth level "Parade of Disasters", save the game like every time. Throw a molotov in a middle of the band (1. The Hell's Fargo Wagon). Load the save file and continue with the machine gun.
  7. When you reach the last level "Air Force Base", save the game like every time. Use every weapon in the game (2. Army of One). Load the save file and continue with the machine gun.
  8. After you hit "F1", there will be some cutscenes and then the credits will automatically start (3. Z for Zachariah) (4. I swear, the AR is for hunting!). Don't touch anything until the credits are over (5. You want our autograph too?).
Part 3 - Boondock Saint
Part 3 of this guide will take you a several hours to complete, and you will unlock the following achievement:

Boondock Saint
Complete the game having only killed hostiles.

  1. Go to options\difficulty and set it to 1.
  2. Go to start\single player\new campaing\postal
  3. Save at the beginning of each level and then take a quick tour around the map to remember which buildings spawn more civilians/hostiles.
  4. Load the save file and don't go near those places.
  5. As soon as you meet the criteria for the next level, hit "F1". You never need 100%.
  6. When you screw up (civilian got killed), reload the save file.

This is how I was checking the number of civilians during the level:
  • At the beginning of each level subtract the number of the hostiles from the population. When you are ready to hit "F1", always recheck the numbers. You should get the same number again. If you don't, you either spawned more civilians/hostiles or some civilian got killed. Example:
  • Level 1 has a population of 19 and 18 hostiles. By subtracting those numbers you get number 1, which means that there is only one civilian on the map at the moment. If you don't spawn more civilians and you meet the criteria of 90% by achieving 94%, you will have the following stats: The population of 2 and 1 hostile. By subtracting those numbers you once again get number 1, which again means that there is only one civilian on the map at the moment, which also means no civilian got killed.
Part 4 - Mickey and Mallory
Part 4 of this guide will take you an hour to complete, and you will unlock the following achievement:

Mickey and Mallory
Make 10000 kills.

  1. Go to start\single player\challenge\timed\Have a Blast
  2. Watch the video below.
  3. After suicide ("K" key on a keyboard), press "SPACE" and then "ENTER" key on the keyboard to restart the level.

UPDATE:
  • Unfortunately the game has been updated and now you must immediately start "Have a Blast", without having to do previous levels (That's why you see me loading in the video).
  • What this means is that you will no longer have access to all of weapons, so you must play with the first three only.

Part 5 - Peter North would be proud
Part 5 of this guide will take you a few hours to complete, and you will unlock the following achievement:

Peter North would be proud
Hit 100,000 targets.

  1. Go to start\single player\challenge\flag\Unarmed Bridge Sprint
  2. Watch the video below.
  3. After suicide, press "SPACE" key on the keyboard to restart the level.

Part 6 - Holes is holes
Part 6 of this guide will take you between 30 and 50 minutes to complete, and you will unlock the following achievement:

Holes is holes
Take 10,000 hits.

  1. Watch the video below.
  2. After death, press "SPACE" and then "ENTER" key on the keyboard to restart the level.

Part 7 - Bulletstorm
Part 7 of this guide will take you between 40 and 45 hours to complete, and you will unlock the following achievement:

Bulletstorm
Fire 1,000,000 bullets.

  1. Go to start\single player\new campaing\postal
  2. Kill everyone.
  3. Jam the "CTRL" key (Default FIRE key).
  4. Leave it like that until you get the achievement.
  5. Everything is demonstrated in the video below.

Part 8 - Ballmer Baller
Part 8 of this guide will take you between 30 and 60 minutes to complete, and you will unlock the following achievement:

Ballmer Baller
Play the Mac or Linux version of the game.

  1. Click this.[www.virtualbox.org] Click on Windows hosts to start downloading.
  2. Use Google Search to search for Zorin OS 6.2 lite. Find and download the iso file (~650 megabytes).
  3. Use Google Search to search for How to install Zorin OS in VirtualBox. Follow the guide and install Zorin OS.
  4. Once inside Zorin OS, use web browser to search for, download and install Steam.
  5. Install Postal, start the game and wait for the achievement. Close the Zorin OS.
  6. Use VirtualBox to delete Zorin OS and then use Windows to uninstall VirtualBox.
Community contributions
  1. Panetoneloco said that sometimes when you leave a game in main menu long enough, a random "demo play" will start in the background. It will all be played automatically and it may count towards achievements like "Mickey and Mallory", "Peter North would be proud", "Holes is holes" and "Bulletstorm". Gelert did confirm it.
  2. Jeanpoliko said that for several achievements like "Holes is holes" for example, you can use the invincibility cheat "iamsolame" so you don't have to restart the level every time you die.
  3. Mollusk said that 6.2 lite doesn't support steam any more, so it needs to be the new Zorin Ultimate (free version).
  4. SandShoo!™ said that he has used a Steam Deck to start the game and the "Ballmer Baller" was achieved.
41 Comments
< >
kiachaelchild 6 Mar @ 4:38pm 
its the same principle, they are both cheating so why not treat it as such
Miloš Sladić  [author] 6 Mar @ 2:22am 
It is not fine. It is using third party software to cheat at achieving something that you did not achieve.
There is an achievement "Sissy" that is unlocked after you use cheat code intended by the game. Therefore cheat codes designed by game are the only "fine" thing here.
kiachaelchild 3 Mar @ 9:17pm 
yeah i was gonna say, using Sam for the BS achievments like firing all those bullets and playing on mac/linux is fine. also calling people filthy for using SAM when you put "you can use the invincibility cheat iamsolame so you don't have to restart the level every time you die." is wild:steamthumbsdown:
John Ward 1 Apr, 2024 @ 2:21pm 
The only achievement I used SAM for was the Linux one. It's just a one big pain in the ass. Tried to do it for like 3/4 hours and then snapped, still can't make Linux download Steam. I ain't spending money on a steam deck either so SAM was the only thing I had left.
Fanrail 13 Mar, 2024 @ 1:29pm 
While getting "Peter North would be proud", I made my own tactic, based on the OP's one:
1. Get to the level the guide says (single player - challenges - flag - unarmed bridge sprint)
2. Type in CARRYMORE
3. Type in GIMMEDAT
4. Move to the bottom right angle
5. When shooting with the auto-shotgun, make sure that ALL of the bullets hit the turret (you have to place your cursor in a specific way, which is not on the turret itself)
6. When you run out of shells, type in SHELLFEST, switch to auto-shotgun
7. Repeat steps 5-6 till the timer is close to run out
8. When the timer is close to run out, switch to machine gun, press K (or whatever else is the KYS button), press Space to restart the level, press Space (or Enter) to get from loading screen to the level itself (if you don't, you'll have to do step 1 again)
9. Repeat steps 2-8 until you get the achievement
MouToN 28 Feb, 2024 @ 12:05pm 
For the grinding achievements, you can use the speedhack function of cheat engine.
Fanrail 25 Feb, 2024 @ 6:17am 
You can get the autograph achievement even if you just watch the credits to the fullest when you exit the game.
Banake 27 Sep, 2023 @ 7:42am 
Thanks. \o
sloth4igirl 16 May, 2023 @ 3:34pm 
>set difficulty to "masochist"
>load in campaign
>type "iamsolame" instantly
>paint the town red, draw a few dicks
>ez "holes is holes" get
Pixeldude 24 Feb, 2023 @ 9:55am 
bro i have 20 hours on the game i did the ctrl thing for like 12h and the sissy achivement does not work do you know anything to help me