Abonneren om te downloaden
The darkness at the end of the tunnel

I always knew this day would come. When I was younger I would think about it sometimes, but never at length. I would kid myself into thinking that death didn't bother me, but deep down inside I think we're all scared. People are scared of what they don't know, and nobody knows what death is like. You see a bright light, you have flashbacks of your life, and then what? The light fades from your eyes and then you're a sack of blood and organs, which starts to stink after a couple of hours.

I started to cough harder, each hacking heaving breath reverberating around the cavern. I knew I shouldn't have gone diving, but it was too late for that now. I was too far from the shore to swim back and try to find somebody who could help me, and losing too much blood to try. I tried to focus on the pain, to find the will to live, but it just wasn't there. A part of me was relieved - this diving expedition was supposed to be a wakeup call, I hoped that the colors and the sensations and the beauty of the underwater seascape would jolt me back into that youthful exuberance I had lost somewhere in my 20s. And it was beautiful ... But what if I just fell back into my rut after my vacation was over? That scared me almost as much as death. Doing the same things over and over, trapped too far in my own head to even realize it.

The pain was starting to fade. I knew what was coming next. It would get warm, and I would start to lose feeling, and my vision would blur. I propped myself up, only to set off another vigorous round of coughing. My head spun, and I blacked out for a few seconds. I slumped back onto my back in the soggy grotto, while the blood pooled on the stone floor beside me. Hopefully I was far enough from the entrance to the cavern floor that any sealife attracted by my gore wouldn't be able to get to me until after I was gone.

The thought of it suddenly brought tears to my eyes, and before I knew it I was crying. My body, my companion throughout all of my life, who I would soon abandon for - what? In between the half-hearted sobs, I remembered my family. I remembered my friends. All the pettiness and squabbles and vendettas and grudges seemed to fade away, until there was nothing left but love. I loved everyone. As I clung to that one last warm thought, with tears dripping down my face to join the blood in a race to the water of the sea, light filled the room. Weakly, I turned my head to try to find the source of the light. It seemed to be coming from everywhere, shining from in between the little craters in the rough cave walls, from the slight shimmer in the surface of the pool at the base of the cave, and from my own body.

Soon, I couldn't see anything. Then I couldn't feel anything. Or hear, or smell or taste.