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Advanced Demoman Guide (Satire)
By Silience
Feel like you've mastered the Demoman? There is always more to learn. This guide will go through the advanced techniques that most people don't even know about. (This guide is satire)
   
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Created by
Silience
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Category: Characters, Classes, Gameplay Basics, Maps or Levels, Multiplayer, Walkthroughs, Weapons
Languages: English
Class: Demoman
Posted
Updated
24 Sep, 2019 @ 12:09pm
25 Oct, 2022 @ 7:27pm
92 Unique Visitors
2 Current Favorites
Guide Index
Overview
Intro 
What Weapons to Use 
How to Operate the Weapon 
The Best Demoman Map 
Strategy 1 
Strategy 2 
Strategy 3 
Closing 
Comments
Intro
Before you can become one with Demoman, you will need to forget everything you've ever learned about playing him. Forget those mid air pogos, trimps and airshots. You won't be needing them.

Now that you're braindead, you need to be programmed the right way. Play these songs on repeat every spare minute you have for the next few weeks. Song Playlist

If this has been working properly, the only words that will be able to pass through your mouth are "KA" and "BOOM"

If this treatment has failed, then accept that you're a failure and go back to playing Phlog Pyro.
What Weapons to Use
Professional Demoman players never use their primary weapons. You can use whatever you want for that slot. You will never switch off your secondary.

Secondary:

Contrary to most beliefs, the Stickybomb Launcher is a mediocre weapon. The first mistake that prevents Demomen from reaching their full potential is using this monstrosity.

The Scottish Resistance is perfection itself. The extra Stickybombs it gives you lets you set up complex traps to fool your enemies at every turn. In layman's terms, more bomb = more boom.


To become a true professional Demoman, you will need to buy a Strange Professional Killstreak Scottish Resistance. Using anything less is an insult.
How to Operate the Weapon
So you may be thinking to yourself, "How on flat Earth do I use this thing efficiently?!"

You will probably have to refer to this guide now and then because of the difficulty.

Once you press this, a sticky bomb will be shot
at where you're aiming:


Okay, take a few deep breaths. I know this is intense. Once you've regained your composure, you can press this button:


⠀I suppose I should've warned you that Mouse 2 will detonate the Stickybomb. Well, you live and you learn. Unless you blew yourself up. Then you just die.

Moving on!
The Best Demoman Map
The best Demoman map is 2fort. Actually, 2fort is the best map period. The only maps you should be playing on is 2fort and 2fort_invasion. Every other map sucks.
Strategy 1
You've learned the advanced techniques of M1 and M2. Nothing stands in your way. Leave your spawn doors with confidence. You are an alpha; everyone else is beta. People will tremble when they see you confidently walk onto the playing field.

You will come to a bridge. This is the first stop to totally annihilating the other team. Place your Stickybombs like so:


Don't you worry about hiding the bombs or placing them strategically. Who's got time for that anyways? No, you have so many bombs you don't need to worry about that sort of thing. In fact, this will strike more fear into your enemies. They won't want to step foot across the bridge.

Anyone who wants to test your manliness and steps onto the bridge will be blown sky high. You will have to remember to press the advanced M2 button though.
Strategy 2
After you've blown the poor sap who tested your manhood to pieces, you can run up to their base and prepare your next trap.

Go by their spawn and place your stickies like so:

When the bloke respawns, he will step out and see a friendly smiley face. Not realizing this is a trap, he'll walk right past it with his guard down.

This is when you.. TEAR HIM TO SHREADS AND SHOW NO MERCY! PRESS THAT MOUSE 2 BUTTON AND TAUNT IN HIS FACE! HE DARED TEST YOUR BRILLIANCE AND NOW HE'S PAYING FOR IT!
Strategy 3
Great! Now that he's been humiliated for a second time, waltz down to this area; by using the arch of the Scottish Resistance, you can spam place your Sticky Bombs here:


As the man-child respawns, dazed, he'll walk straight into the sticky trap you left for him. Blow him up and spam your binds in chat to let him know how great you are.

5 Example binds:

1) Dom·i·na·ted (/ˈdäməˌnāted/) - adj: [1] To be controlled by a greater force [2] You
2) Prepare to be emancipated from your own inferior genes!
3) I haven't lost my virginity because I NEVER LOSE
4) Nice job kid, you made me use 20% of my full skill level
5) How can I be a tryhard if I don't even try? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Closing
Now that you've mastered the game, uninstall it. There's nothing else the game has to offer. You've already beat everyone and everything.

Feel free to write "Profesional Demoman" on any future resumes. You've earned it, champ.
2 Comments
< >
Squiggy 26 Oct, 2019 @ 6:25pm 
Instructions unclear, ate my grenade luncher and shat out three haggis.
Shiro 27 Sep, 2019 @ 4:01am 
guide negletted to mention several important things:
1) use Boots as primary weapon. Not only you get extra health, you don't switch to primary accidently
2) clarifying how advanced M2 works: Scottish Resistance stickybombs will be detonated if you are looking at them, which means if there are two enemies (since you are so good you can take on two enemies at once!) you should detonate only about half of bombs to kill one, then remaining to kill second (who may by then think "oho he used all stickybombs I can get him"). I know this is difficult to remember, let alone master, but this is guide for PROFESSIONAL demoman and not some chumps
3) you also need Strange Professional Killstreak Frying Pan, for the case invisible spy slips past your masterfully placed stickybombs behind your back. When they decloak you will hear it and smash their faces out of their heads. Don't forget to switch to Scottish Resistance afterwards
overall, incomplete guide is bad, 1/5