Kick the brazier full of coals and pick up one of the coals. Kick the coal at the loaded cannon. Go to Scumm Bar and try to pick up jerky pretzels. Talk to Crusty Old Sailor who turns out to be Ignatius Cheese. Ask about insult arm wrestling and joining your crew. He will agree if you say you are going to Lucre Island and that you insult arm wrestle him. Beneath is insults and counters for them if you are having trouble:


Insult: Today, by myself, twelve people I've beaten.
Counter: From the size of your gut I'd guess they were eaten.
Insult: I've got muscles in places you've never even heard of.
Counter: It's too bad none of them are in your arms.
Insult: Give up now, or I'll crush you like a grape!
Counter: I would if it would stop your WINE-ING.
Insult: My ninety-eight year old grandmother has bigger arms than you!
Counter: Yeah, but we both got better bladder control than you do.
Insult: I'm going to put your arm in a sling!
Counter: Why, ya studying to be a nurse?
Insult: My stupefying strength will shatter your ulna into a million pieces!
Counter: I'm surprised you can count that high!
Insult: Hey, look over there!
Counter: Yeah, yeah I know: it's a three headed monkey.
Insult: Your knuckles I'll grind to a splintery paste.
Counter: I thought that the been dip had a strange taste.
Insult: Your arms are no bigger than fleas that I've met!
Counter: So THAT'S why you're scratching. I'd go see a vet.
Insult: People consider my fists lethal weapons!
Counter: Sadly, your breath should be equally reckoned.
Insult: Only once have I met such a coward!
Counter: He must have taught you everything you know.
Insult: You're the ugliest creature I've ever seen in my life.
Counter: I'm shocked that you've never gazed at your wife.
Insult: My forearms have been mistaken for tree trunks!
Counter: An over-the-counter defoliant could help with that problem.
Insult: I've out-wrestled octopi with these arms!
Counter: I'm sure that spineless creatures everywhere are humbled by your might.
Insult: Do I see quivers of agony dance on your lip?
Counter: It's laughter that's caused by your feathery grip.

Talk with dart throwers and keep asking them them to hit things until you can ask them to hit the balloon. Now you can go take pretzels. Leave from Scumm bar to harbor and take inner tube. Go to mansion and use inner tube with cactus. Offer pretzels to catapult operator and after that tinker with catapult. Go inside mansion and take government paper. Give government paper to Elaine and she will sign it. Talk with Elaine that you have trouble getting ship because you don't have authority and she will give you Gubernatorial Symbol. Go to next to city hall and talk with Otis and Carla until they are convinced to join your crew if they have cushy government jobs. Give them contract and leave to harbor.

Show harbor mistress Gubernatorial Symbol. Leave Lucre Islands port and ask portly pirate chess player about hes opponent. When portly pirate chess player is about to make move say something that will distract him. Now talk to the skinny pirate chess player and when he is about to make a move mention Brittany. Take clock and leave to Law Office of W. T. D. Talk with lawyers and leave to bank. Talk with bank teller about safe. Take sponges, handkerchief and look in to open deposit box. Take music box and fine grog. Use sword on bottom hinge and after that broken sword on crack. Put sponges in the crack and pour grog on them.

Take tin of chicken grease and leave jail. Go to guy who sells perfume and take empty spritzer and cologne. Go to house of sticks and take wood shavings. Go towards bait shoppe and take that vicious attack duck outside. Enter bait shoppe and take free bait. Go to mansion and pick flower. Go to misty swamp and use empty spritzer on puddle. Combine wood shavings and free bait with home-made cologne. Go towards bank.

Use broken sword with manhole. Examine manhole and take note of what Guybrush is saying. Go inside prostheses and talk with Deadeye Dave ask for free prosthesis and names in the story are same as manhole has. Use Home-made perfume on Dave and he tells you a name of Pegnose Pete. Now Twiddle with system control and put right symbols in:

Bunny = A-D
Palm = E-H
Pumpkin = I-M
Monkey = N-S
Banana = T-Z

Use music box on Dave and look at the basket of prosthesis. Take red wooden hand and leave to bank. Use skin prosthesis with manhole and after that use it as a trampoline. Pull chain near desk and take scupperware. Go up again and look at the shadow. Leave to the bait shoppe and take free bait. Combine free bait with scupperware. Use wooden hand on termites and leave to swamp. Use clock on the raft. Use raft notice that there is clock now. Take a look at directions to pegnose pete's house you will need to go in that direction what time it is (You can see me doing it wrong first). You will meet Guybrush from future who gives you key and two of these items: gun, rope and chicken with a pulley in the middle remember also what he says back to you since you need to repeat it later. Talk with Guybrush and he will give you a number remember this also since you need to repeat that too. Follow directions until you are back to gate give key to past Guybrush and repeat everything in same order as future Guybrush did. Follow directions to Pete's house.

Use chicken grease on welcome mat and after that throw attack duck through window. Go to mansion and spritz some cologne on platypus. Go to house of sticks and use termite infested prosthetic hand on Mister Mandrill's cane. Go back to mansion and tell Ozzy that you have found stolen heirlooms. Follow Ozzy and find secret hideout. Climb down and push the button. go outside and jump in deep water. Use scupperware with bait in it to luminous fish. Now go inside cave and take booty and screw. Go back to jail and give loot and screw to inspector.

Visit voodoo lady and talk with her about family heirlooms and how they are connected to ultimate insult. Go to harbor and look at the return slot. Take coin and use it on grog machine. Now punch, kick, shake and yell at the grog machine. Go to house of wax to meet meathook. Talk with him about he's art and he shows you hes old paint brush. Take paint brush and go to Lua bar (Formerly scumm bar). Sit in the middle chair and order flaming scuttle fish. jam paint brush in the propulsion mechanism when boat is going back and behind last totem. Go to kitchen and pour grog in sushi boat steam generator.

Go to harbor and put earrings on figurehead. Put necklace and pen on figurehead. Give painting to figurehead. Go to Stan's timeshare. Take pamphlets and glue (If you have coffee you can also use that to get monkey meal ticket when you listen Stan's pitch). Go to microgroggery and pour glue on manatee. Talk with bartender, order drink and ask to ride manatee.

Go talk to a tourist next to the Tiny's statue and talk about ultimate insult you will learn about hat piece. Go to starbuccaneers and look in the window where is empty cup. Go inside and take empty cup. Look in to tourist shopping bag and swipe mug. Talk with tourist about ultimate insult and learn about statue. Take mini-bagel and eat it. Talk with counter clerk and order coffee. Go to planet Threepwood and look at the today's menu. Talk with tourist and learn about mug. Talk with "Elayne" and order food with meal ticket. Talk with jolly pirate and take caricature with monkey mug. Use glue on caricature and stick it with starbuccaneers mug. Switch monkey mug and fake monkey mug. Go to port.

Use rowboat and navigate towards knutting atoll and you will be stopped by admiral casaba. Leave from casaba and navigate to knotting atoll shore. Talk with little LeChuck untill he hides and little Guybrush takes over. Ask from little Guybrush to talk with puppeteer until he let's you. Show picture of ultimate insult to puppeteer and take sock puppets. Go to school and talk with teacher. Agree to get educated and answer every question like a blood thirsty pirate you are. Pull fire alarm and go inside and take whistle. Now leave and go to bouldery beach talk with Lafeet and learn about parrots and that he buried hat under boulder. Go towards boulders and use whistle. Make one of the parrot drink grog or coffee and ask them a question so you know which one tells the truth. Now ask truth telling parrot about where hat is buried. Repeat this until you are at the boulder where hat is buried.

Go to plank diving contest area. Talk with Marco de Pollo about competing against him. Use e juicy wad of chewed up bagel chunks and Schmear Whiz with baby oil on the table. Go talk with judges and after physical give certificate to Marco de Pollo. No you dive and lose. Go ask what sucked in your dive from judges. Look at the brochure you have and show it to grouchy judge. Ask from Marco de Pollo about diving again. Put on dunce cap and mimic Marco de Pollo's moves (Moves are beneath here). Now you need to go first it doesn't matter what moves you do.

Keelhaul is UP
Rum barrel is DOWN
Spinning swordsman is RIGHT
Alpha monkey is LEFT

Go to Herman's camp and take coconut. Throw coconut to Herman. Go to canyon and take banana picker. Go to vista point to do some boulder puzzle. First throw rock in right then middle and then two times in left time it so that you always throw when rock goes past branch. go back to beach and use banana picker on bananas until they drop down. Give Timmy banana and go to canyon. Give Timmy new banana and go inside mine. Open the vent and throw banana in. close vent and show Timmy a banana through portal. Go inside and use banana picker on weed chipper. Go to volcano castle and use banana picker on shields. Talk with priest and convince him to let you use lava plunge. You need to push right logs so you get past milk bottle and use banana picker on it. After this try to float in to little puddle (You see me failing on this).

Talk with priest and convince him that you can use lava plunge. Steer it to the small puddle(For me I needed to push left to steer in even though logically I thought it would be right). Use weed chipper on weeds and go kick palm tree over. Run to the village and talk with JoJo junior about monkey combat and he's bronze hat. Use shields in front of accordion monkey. Now go learn some monkey kombat with monkeys (These are randomized so I can't give you answers). I cut out the grindy learning phase since you probably got the idea.

Here is what might help you when you are learning moves and what defeats what:

Anxious Ape beats _________ __________

Bobbing Baboon beats ________ _________

Charging Chimp beats _________ _________

Drunken Monkey beats _________ _________

Gimpy Gibbon beats __________ _________

CC to AA = ___________________________________

CC to BB = ___________________________________

CC to DM = ___________________________________

CC to GG = ___________________________________

AA to BB = ___________________________________

AA to DM = ___________________________________

AA to GG = ___________________________________

BB to DM = ___________________________________

BB to GG = ___________________________________

DM to GG = ___________________________________

Now that you learned art of the monkey kombat go back to village and challenge Jojo jr. Now go to Herman's camp site and throw milk bottle and accordion at him. Now talk with herman until he gives you Gubernatorial Symbol. Go to giant monkey head and use banana picker on it's nose. Throw bronze hat on top of it's head. Go inside and use gubernatiorial symbol on slot. Now you have a mecha monkey.

Take big plank and use it on small tower. Climb the small tower and jump on the plank. Pull switch. Monkey combat with giant LeChuck vs Mecha Monkey is different and you can't beat him normally if you try. Just make it so that you will draw with him three times and he gets frustrated.