So let's say you are playing on some random achievement engineer server and everybody is battling it out (on an achievement server?). However, there is this one scout on the enemy team that's been afk for the past 3 hours and hasn't moved one bit. Or you could feel like being a ♥♥♥♥ and want to take advantage of friendlies. But whatever your purpose is, here are the best loadouts for taking advantage of AFKs/friendlies.

If there is no explanation for why a certain item won it's slot, it's because no other item allowed you to take advantage of an idle/friendly

• Soda Popper
  
• Mad Milk
  
• Candy Cane

The primary was a tough decision between the Baby Face's Blaster and the Soda Popper but considering the BFB's current state, the Soda Popper won.

The secondary took me a second to decide between the Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol and the Mad Milk, but the PBPP doesn't heal you enough so the Mad Milk won.

• Air Strike
  
• Concheror
  
• Half-zatoichi

The primary was a kinda-maybe tough decision between the Air Strike and the Black Box, but given that the Black Box can only heal up to 20 health and has a smaller clip, the Air Strike won.

The concheror won against the other banners only because it takes less damage to charge up.

• Phlogistinator
  
• Gas Passer
  
• Powerjack

The main 3 candidates for the melee slot were the Axtinguisher, Hot Hand, & Powerjack. The Axtinguisher & Hot Hand were candidates because they gave a speed boost upon hit or kill respectively. However, that just wasn't enough of an advantage to get a foothold on the Powerjack.

• Bootlegger
  
• Tide Turner
  
• Eyelander

While the bootlegger does not provide any advantage, it complements the heads of the Eyelander very well.

In my opinion, the tide turner is the best shield suited for high head demoman runs.

The Eyelander won over the Half-Zatoichi because of the long term effect.

• Tomislav
  
• Family Business
  
• Killing Gloves of Boxing

Neither the Tomislav nor the Family Business provide advantages but they complement the KGB's 5 seconds of crits very well.

• Frontier Justice
  
• Wrangler
  
• Gunslinger

The Wrangler and the Gunslinger, like the heavy, do not carry any advantages on their own but with the mini sentry's being expendable and the wrangler's faster firing speed, you can get Frontier Justice crits faster & more efficiently than with other items.

• Blutsauger
  
• Medigun
  
• Ubersaw

Medic was a pretty easy one.

The Blutsauger can give you some quick health.

The Ubersaw can give you quick uber to complement the Medigun which has the slowest uber build rate in the entire game but arguably the strongest ubercharge in the entire game.

• Bazaar Bargain
  
• Cleaner's Carbine
  
• Bushwacka

The Bushwacka very well complements the Cleaner's Carbine 'mini'-crits.

• Diamondback
  
• Conniver's Kunai

The Diamondback was a tough choice against the L'etranger but lets be honest, nobody uses the L'etranger's +15 cloak on hit.

The Kunai gives you an immense pool of health.