Tunnel: Never dig straight down.
Explosion: Handle with care.
Laser Drill: Open Sesame.
Wrecking Ball: There's no construction scheduled for today.
Teleporter: It's emerging technology. I'm sure it will get better!

These are fail messages for Escaping The Prison. This page will list the first portion's fails.
NRG Drink: NRG - Side Affects include: Nausea, Headaches, Rapid Heartbeat and possibilities of Stroke and/or Heart Attack. Hmm... Well that's good to know.
Teleporter: You just can't seem to get the hang of that thing can you?
Rocket Launcher: Uh... Way to aim buddy...

Window: Protip: Look before you leap.
Do Nothing 1: You've got the reflexes of a statue. Hint: You can defend yourself by clicking at the alert.
Do Nothing 2: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you! There's another guard coming!
Part 1
Belt of Grenades: Uh... I don't even know what to say about that one..
Part 2
Go Left: Fatty.
Parachute: I think that was just a regular backpack. See what happens when you assume?
Jetpack: It takes many hours of jetpack training before you're able to operate one.
Rope: This seems awfully familiar...

Opacitator: You'd think something like that would come up in the beta testing.
Part 1
Right: Don't worry. I heard prison dentists are great!
Do Nothing: Try dodging the bullets, n00b.
Part 2
Turn Leftt: lol Brawl reference!
Do Nothing: It's always a good idea to watch where you're going. Especially if you're running away from the cops...
Standoff
Do Nothing: Come on, you were so close!

There is only one fail message, and it appears if you choose anything besides the Disguise Bag: What kind of third-rate lawyer did you hire?

While the first choice does not have fails, the Sneak In path has four:
Ground Entry
Shrink Ray: Man, worms are so much more vicious up close!
Liquidificator: What did you think was going to happen?
Roof Entry
Jumble Hoppers: Sweet flip, bro.
Anti-Grav Cap: You're lucky! I've always wanted to go to space!

Do Nothing: The conversation can't be THAT interesting.
Prop Gun: Quick! Pretend you were joking!
Bomb: Why would they keep live bombs in a museum?
Right: Hm. Must be a light sleeper.
Metroid: Looks like they don't take kindly to orders.
Crowbar: Why does that ALWAYS happen?
Greatball: 01100110 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01101101 01101001 01110011 01110011 01101001 01101110 01100111 01101110 01101111 ("Fear Missingno" in binary code.)*
Divide by 0: Sorry, I just went to the bathroom. What'd I mi-Where'd...Where is everybody?
Nuke: Don't feel too bad, he probably camped for the 25 kills he needed to get that nuke.
Satellite: I couldn't resist.

*Clicking the text gives you the 101010010101010101001010101010000000011100101 achievement.

Tranquilizer: Woah! What are the odds of that?!
Falcon Punch: Only one man is capable of the Falcon Punch.
Invisibility Pill: What happened? I lost track of you.
Part 1
Drop: Did you really think that was going to work?
Portal Gun: I'm surprised you weren't able to get down there with that amazing portal technology. It's pretty strange how those portal guns work. I mean it combines the top scientific processes of our time. the portal gun contains a flux quantum generator which propels energy blasts with energy volumes of 4.23 GW with an average speed of 25 m/s. this speed is most effective because it allows the energy to be conserved while still maintaining a speed that is appropriate. The external plastic coating on the portal gun is constructed of a high polymer fireproof carbonfiber. this prevents the intense energy of the portal gun from burning the hands of the user. The intense energy causes intense heat. Oh by the way if you want a medal click here. I've heard that scientists still do not know what happens if two portals are placed on top of one another. The last time that was attempted... Well I'm sure you heard about it on the news.*
Part 2
Laser Cutter: U GET CUT! Y U NO BLEED?! A: The laser cauterized it. (The last part is upside down.)
Cannon: You almost saved it. Almost.
Cheese: Wha-W... Why? ...Seriously...?
Snap Neck: I told you man. I TOLD you about stairs!**
Rifle: Man those first person shooters make it look so easy.
Jump: I'm surprised you made it that far with that heavy diamond.

*Clicking here gives you an achievement..
**This fail gives you the BUNP achievement.

Do Nothing: Wow... You're off to a great start... Hint: You've got to use the keyboard for this first part. (A keyboard was required in the classic version of this.)
Kick: Well... You got one of the guards.
Jump: Jumping off a speeding vehicle may not be the best idea...
Do Nothing: Good thing the janitors just got done buffing the floor. Could you imagine all the germs you'd be rolling in right now if they hadn't?
Lance: Jousting. It's harder than it looks.
Mace: Stop hanging around and do something! Heh heh...Get it? Ok, I'll stop.
Do Nothing: C'mon! You don't have time to just stand around...
Basket: Ah, torque. I bet you wish you paid more attention in physics class now, huh?
Part 1
Do Nothing: I can see all those hours of video game playing has really sharpened your reflexes. Oh wait...
Branch: Didn't really think that one through, did ya?
Part 2
Do Nothing: BOOM! Headshot.
Sticky Grenade: I always wondered how those things work.
Do Nothing: Dude, do something!
Drive: I don't think you're gonna get very far that way.
Bribe: Strange... That usually works.