I owe some credit to Dragon Empress' guide "How To Date Dem Bois". Their guide helped me fill in some stats I hadn't unlocked yet.

I got this game half-jokingly, expecting a story-rich visual novel. Instead I got a lame idle game. But it made me chuckle. And then I started having fun analyzing the math.

I like to play visual novels over and over, thoroughly charting out all potential paths. This led me to make a guide for Choice of Robots, which for some reason was well-received. So I'm doing it again.

Hoo boy. Here goes my self-respect.

Are you playing to unlock a specific kind of character? Here's a... (defeated sigh) menu of fake anime boyfriends.

Nimh: Submissive Sweet and shy
Volks: Broody tsundere bad boy
Kelby: Jock
Eli: Camp GBF yasss queen
Anon: Edgelord hacker red-head with an Aussie accent
Garret: Gentle giant with Russian accent
Dmitri: Suave and sensual gentleman
Ichiban: Youtube gamer celebrity
William: vet? idk
Myx: ___
Stirling: ___
Scale: ___

Are you a furry looking for a specific animal? Here's the animals in the game.

Nimh: Rabbit
Volks: Wolf
Kelby: Co Rooster
Eli: Rainbow pegasus
Anon: Lemur
Garret: Bull
Dmitri: Boar
Ichiban: White Tiger
William: Ram
Myx: (Chinchilla maybe?)
Stirling: (Vampire Bat maybe?)
Scale: (Dragon maybe?)

Some jobs are worth more than others, and not always in the order they are unlocked.

Here is how much each job (at each level) pays in $ per second.

Go for jobs that turn green fast (Politician). Avoid jobs that stay red even at high levels (Sew Pro, Maid)

The same numbers apply to all hobbies.

The ❤ count is for one "Talk" action. "Talk" appears more effective than buying gifts or dates, and costs nothing.

(Which is weird because when I give boys 100,000 lint rollers IRL, I find it far more effective than using "Talk" on them.)

I haven't measured "Taps" because it's harder to get accurate measurements on those. There's no wait time on them, but they give less ❤.

I've found the fastest way to meet ❤ goals is to level-up that character's hobby to the level with 1/10th the character's current ❤ goal.

HOBBY LEVEL = HEARTS PER TALK
Level 1 = 51❤
Level 2 = 54 ❤
Level 3 = 61❤
Level 4 = 75 ❤
Level 5 = 100 ❤
Level 6 = 141 ❤
Level 7 = 210❤
Level 8 = 321❤
Level 9 = 502❤
Level 10 = 790❤
Level 11 = 1249❤
Level 12 = 1975❤
Level 13 = 3119❤
Level 14 = 4920❤
Level 15 = 7745❤
Level 16 = 12,170❤
Level 17 = ?❤
Level 18 = 29,925❤
Level 19 = 46,848❤
Level 20 = 73,285❤
Level 21 = 114,581❤
Level 22 = ?❤
Level 23 = 279,891❤
Level 24 = ?❤
Level 25 = ?❤
Level 26= 1,069,146❤
Level 27 = 1,672,375❤
Level 28 = 2,617,215❤
Level 29 = 4,098,147❤
Level 30 = 10,067,414❤
Level 31= ? ❤
Level 32 = ?❤
Level 33 = 24,802,961❤

You're in luck, he's your starter boi and has the lowest standards.

If you meet "suggested smart" levels, it will only take 1-10 talks to meet the love req for that level.

Time slot priorities:
1. Smart hobby
2. Any current level hobby req
3. As many jobs as time slots will fit
4. The hobbies to unlock more jobs

Adversary
Need: 100 love, $40

• Activate Sew Pro job
  
• Talk 1 or 2 times

Acquaintance
Need: 473 Love, $130, Smart 2

• Activate Smart hobby (never turn it off)
  
• Dinner
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested smart: 2-9)

Frenemy
Need: 1357 love, $650, Guts 2

• Activate Guts hobby (if off)
  
• Buy seeds
  
• Boat ride
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested smart: 6-12)

Friendzone
Need: 3533 love, $2500, Healthy 4

• Activate Healthy hobby (if off)
  
• Buy veggie tray
  
• Coaster
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested smart: 9-14)

Awkward Besties (half-human now)
Need: 17,182 love, $36k, Caring 3, Outgoing 5

• Activate Caring hobby (if off)
  
• Activate Outgoing hobby (if off)
  
• Dinner
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested smart: about12-21)

Crush
Need: 111,666 love, $250k, Passionate 6

• Activate Passionate hobby (if off)
  
• 10 ice creams ($100k)
  
• Boat ($150k)
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested smart: about 16-21)

Sweetheart
Need: 358,697 love, $1.04m, Smart 10

• Smart should still be on.
  
• 2 pies ($400k)
  
• Coaster ($640k)
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested smart: about 19-22)

Boyfren
Need: 1,105,503 love, $4.5m, Caring 11]

• Activate Caring hobby (if off)
  
• 2 calculators ($1.8m)
  
• Carnival ($2.7m)
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested smart:

Congrats! You now have a human Nimh.
The main story is complete.
But, you can still unlock Lover+X levels. Here's what you need for Lover+1:

Lover (human now)
Need: 31,644,199 love, $___, Creative 13

• Activate Creative hobby (if off)
  
• Neck Pillow
  
• Masquerade
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested smart: _-_ )

If you meet "suggested guts" levels, it will only take 1-10 talks to meet the love req for that level.

Unlock Volks:

• Talk twice to Nimh
  
• Start Sew Pro job
  
• Level up Nimh
  
• Activate Smart hobby
  
• Talk to Nimh until love req met.
  
• Reach Smart 2.
  
• Dinner with Nimh. ($130)
  
• Level up Nimh to Frenemy.

Now, turn on Guts and leave it on.

At 1 Guts, Volks is unlocked!

Now, time slot priorities:
1. Guts hobby
2. Any current level hobby req
3. As many jobs as time slots will fit
4. The hobbies to unlock more jobs

Adversary
Need: 1216 love, $260, 3 Guts

• Guts should always be on.
  
• Dinner x2 ($260)
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested guts: _-_)

Acquaintance
Need: 5543 Love, $1.1k, 3 Healthy, 4 Guts

• Turn on Healthy, if not already on.
  
• 2 Boat ($1.1k)
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested guts: _-_)

Frenemy
Need: 18,007 love, $10.9k, 5 Smart

• Turn on Smart (if not already on)
  
• (Note: Musician may unlock at this point. Make use of it.)
  
• Lint Roller ($4k)
  
• 3 Coaster ($6.9k)
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested guts: _-_)

Friendzone
Need: 50,007 love, $31.1k, 8 Guts

• 10 Veggie ($2k)
  
• 3 Carnival ($29.1k)
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested guts: _-_)

Awkward Besties (half-human now)
Need: 216,633 love, $218k, 11 Confidence

• Turn on Confidence, if not already on
  
• 4 coffees ($2k)
  
• 6 dinners ($216k)
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested guts: _-_)

Crush
Need: 546,273 love, $650k, 11 Confidence

• Turn on Outgoing, if not already on
  
• Socks ($50k)
  
• At this point, I needed more jobs. I unlocked Baker with Healthy hobby.
  
• 4 boat ($600k)
  
• Talk or wait for max hearts (suggested guts: _-_)

Sweetheart
Need: 2,723,444 love, $5.92m, 15 Smart

Boyfren
Need: 23,459,788 love, $23,459,788, 17 Discipline

Congrats! You now have a human Volks.
The main story is complete.
But, you can still unlock Lover+X levels. Here's what you need for Lover+1:

Lover (human now)
Need: 256,914,012 love, $___, 19 Guts

Here's a chart of how much it costs to level-up each boi. The cost refers to required gifts and dates.

NOTE:
This chart is logarithmic.

This makes the lines easy to read (in the normal, "linear" mode, it looks like cheap $1 lines that suddenly SPIKE into WALLS OF INCREDIBLE AMOUNTS OF CASH)

Each $ line is worth x10 the last line.
Near the bottom, the gap between two lines is small (like $90).
Near the top, the difference is HUGE (like you'll need $999,000,000 more).

TLDR the higher up you go, the harder a time you're going to have.


What it does do is give you a feel for how much you'll need to earn to have a shot at certain boi-levels.

And gives you a feel for how they change. Nimh and Volks level-up costs rise pretty steadily. I have no idea WTF Dmitri is doing.