Has someone on the internet ever told you to touch grass, and you don't know how to because you're a fat sweaty incel virgin? Well, today i will teach you how you can touch grass and prove all those haters wrong. Let's get into it.

STEP 1. Apply 30 layers of sunscreen and 10 pairs of sunglasses to protect you from the sun, due to this likely being the first time you've gone outside in months. Make sure to bring some woman repellent as well.

STEP 2. Step outside. I know this might seem extreme. But it's a necessary step in the achievement of touching grass.

STEP 3. Find some grass. This could be right outside your house, or at your local park. If you live in the desert or Antartctica. I'm sorry. You're a virgin for life.

STEP 4. Start touching the grass. As you do it, you will feel your virginity start to slip away with every passing second. Wait! Don't touch the grass too much!.... Well, now you're one with the grass. Don't say I didn't warn you.