Hello My name is Germanium Azki Melugia
I am an avid Gmod player and have been playing since spring of 1935.
I grew up with this game and intend to help guide the new generation to play this game properly.
In this guide i will be going over a few things, including:

• Installing Steam
  
• Creating an Account
  
• Re-Installing Steam
  
• Adding Funds to your Account
  
• Purchasing Garry's Mod
  
• Things to do while we wait for the game to arrive via mail
  
• Powering on the Machine we will be using for this
  
• Unboxing the game
  
• Installing Garry's Mod
  
• Configuring the game
  
• Re-Installing Garry's Mod
  
• Booting up Garry's Mod
  
• Preparing for our play session
  
• Playing the game

I hope you enjoy this guide and find it very useful.

This is the steam webpage as of today, 11/16/93
Here you will be able to install steam for free by clicking on the install button.
Once it is done downloading you must quadruple click the .EXE file, after that it will begin automatically installing itself, all you have to do is click 'ok' on the prompts that appear.

Now that we have steam installed, this is the hard part. You're going to be prompted by steam to create an account, DON'T DO IT! this is a trick to catch off-guard people in an attempt to make more money off of them. What you're actually supposed to do is create a website with a link to the steam profile page shown below: This is an example of how the page will look

Now that you've done that all you have to do is click the link and it will take you to the account creation page, you'll know it when you see it.

Valve is not pleased with what you've done and have caused steam to uninstall itself in an attempt to make you give up. This part is easy, just go to this website below:

Now all you have to do is click 'install steam' and then quintuple click the steam.exe file
it will then prompt you to click 'okay' on some pop-ups it makes, this is fine and will not cause any consequences so don't worry. After that it will prompt you to 'Log in or Sign up' then you log in with your account 3 consecutive times.

Alright, now there are two ways this can go, the Easy way, or the Hard way, i will show you how to do both. So first the Easy way. This is very easy, all you have to do is go to your local game store and purchase a some items resembling this image below:

This will cost you a little but it will be way worth it, and it's the main way of adding funds to your account. That was the easy way, pretty easy right? Well now we are moving on to the Hard way.
The hard way is significantly harder and more frustrating. First you need to go back to that website you made for your account, remember that? Now edit the site to add an option to pay in steam wallet funds, after that you have to click the new link you added and then click 'Pay now'. This will lead you to a page like this one below:
Here you will be able to pay the website owner in steam wallet funds, but since the website owner is you it gets put directly in your steam wallet. You may now spend it on whatever you like!

Now that you have the proper funding it's time to buy Garry's mod. To purchase Garry's mod go back to your website and add a link that takes you to the page where you can gift games to other people and then click on Garry's mod. That will take you to a page like this:
Click on 'BUY NOW !!!' and attach your steam account, It will ask you to click 'okay' on a handful of pop-ups but after that just click 'confirm' one last time.

After buying Garry's mod you have to wait about a week or 2 for it to arrive. No problem since we can just do other things while we wait.
Here is a list of things to do while we wait:

• Stare into space
  
• Make guides on steam
  
• Touch grass
  
• Do math
  
• Go on a date
  
• Get married
  
• Start a family
  
• Watch television
  
• Quit your job
  
• Abuse your wife
  
• Assault the family dog
  
• Get divorced
  
• Take anti-depressants
  
• Buy a video game console
  
• Get a new job
  
• Pace around outside your neighbors house
  
• Stand infront of your front door for a week straight
  
• Buy Garry's mod

I hope this helps kill some time while you wait.

So the game is here after all that waiting. Must be exciting. BUT DON'T EVEN OPEN THAT BOX YET! there is just one more thing to do before your ready to even see the game.
The ideal personal computer i would recommend is the Da Vinci model 2 with 0.01 cores running at 0.5 horsepower shown below:
All you have to do to turn this baby on is add 1/4th cup of alcohol to 8 cups water, this mixture will then be put into the water pump in the machine. The mixture will heat up and turn into steam, after about 3 weeks it will turn on fully and finally be useable.

so first of all you'll need work gloves like the ones in this photo:

Then you'll need some sort of cutting tool i recommend these:

Alright, now we can open the box very carefully as not to prick ourselves.
Then we must extract the Gmod Manual. Make sure it looks like the one shown below:

Now that that's out of the way, we can secure the game and then burn the box as to not allow this world to fall like so many others before it.

Now that we've disposed of that vile package and received what is rightfully ours, it's time to install the game itself. I hope you're ready. First we have to insert the 13 separate discs into their respective slots in this order:

• Floppy disc
  
• Micro disc
  
• Floppy disc 2
  
• CD
  
• Micro disc 2
  
• Floppy disc 3
  
• Floppy disc 4
  
• CD 2
  
• Blu ray
  
• CD 4
  
• DVD
  
• Blu ray 2
  
• SD card

Now that we've done that it's time to move the personal computer to the freezer as not to destroy it.
Things are gonna get hot, the computer is now producing 8950 Degrees kelvin now.
This might seem bad but this is a good sign, now we pour water into the 12 USB ports on our computer, after this we gently caress the coldest part of the computer to activate it's pressure sensor (this lets it know that we are present without making the PC think it's being damaged).
Now that we are done with that we can click 'install'. Make sure to set the PC's main language to Sinhala for 5-6 hours after the beeping stops.

So now that Garry's mod is installed on your personal computer it's time to configure it. This is actually quite easy, just go back to your website and link it to the steam servers. Now you have to add an option to edit the properties of Garry's mod, after that you need to use this new feature we just added to change a few settings. First off is setting the gamemode, we are going to set this to Sandbox, which will look like this:
Then we are going to change the FOV from -7 to 100. Next we are changing the player count, it starts at 1500 Multiplayer but it should be set to 1 Singleplayer, so that's what we're going to do.
After that we need to change the subscriptions to OFF so that it doesn't charge us 145$ every 10 minutes.

Facepunch studios didn't like that. So to make us pay we have to reinstall Garry's mod. No big deal.
To do this we have to insert 14 pounds of element number 92 into the computer's fluid tank, this will also give us that cool gaming PC glow that your favorite content creator probably has on their PC.
Your personal computer should look like this now:
If this works correctly then the computer is good to go! Now we just need to click 'install' and we're done!

Alright now that that's over-with we can boot-up Garry's mod. This step is easy, just click 'Boot' and look for this:

This is a tricky one, you have to know just the perfect map to play on with the correct packet of mods to mess with otherwise it'll all blow up in your face! But don't worry, this isn't very difficult. Just look on the workshop for stuff that suits your tastes, i'm sure you'll find it. I do, however, bet you're wondering how to access this supposed workshop. Well that's not terribly difficult either. Just go back to your website and add a link to the workshop, no problem. Then you click the link and pray that it looks like this:

And not like this:

Because this is for those who have bought in to Valve and Facepunch's evil corporate schemes.

Click play