THIS IS SKOLLDIR.


HE'S A MANLY MAN.

YOU ARE BY NATURE, NOT A MANLY MAN LIKE HIM. BUT THAT'S OKAY, THIS GUIDE IS HERE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO BE ONE.

SKOLLDIR IS A MANLY AWESOMENAUT WITH SOME MANLY SKILLS THAT PROVE JUST HOW SWOLL HE IS.











THESE ARE YOUR FISTS. THE LEFT ONE IS PAIN, THE RIGHT ONE IS LINDA. INTRODUCE THEM TO YOUR NERDY OPPONENTS FACES. WHEN YOU PUNCH THREE TIMES IN A ROW, YOUR THIRD PUNCH TURNS INTO A SUPER MANLY PUNCH OF MACHONESS THAT GAINS A SOME RANGE AND CAN DO SOME MANLY THINGS. BUT WE'LL GET TO THAT LATER.












THIS IS YOUR FIRST SKILL. TAKE THOSE SKINNY NERDS AND FLING THEM OVER YOUR SHOULDER LIKE A FOOTBALL. I RECCOMEND YOU THROWING NERDS INTO YOUR TEAM OR INTO YOUR TURRETS, BUT IT'S ALSO A GOOD IDEA TO THROW THOSE NERDS OUT OF YOUR WAY WHEN YOU NEED TO RUN BACK TO YOUR BASE TO LIFT SOME WEIGHTS.









THIS IS EARTHQUAKE. YOU SLAM YOUR CHISELED, MOUNTAIN OF A BUM INTO THE GROUND CAUSING IT TO SHAKE IN FEAR AND THROW UP FLAMES. THIS SKILL SHOULD EITHER BE USED FOR HARRASSING OR AFTER CHUCKING THOSE NERDS ON THE OTHER TEAM BEHIND YOU. IT'S ALSO REALLY GOOD FOR CLEARING A WAVE OF THOSE DROIDS. YOU CAN ALSO SOMEHOW USE THIS SKILL IN MID-AIR AND MAKE FIRE APPEAR FROM NOWHERE. SKOLLDIR IS SO MANLY HE DEFIES THE LAWS OF PHYSICS.

THESE ARE THE THINGS YOU SHOULD BUY TO PUNCH HARDER:

NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. "MR. MANLY MANSON, HOW CAN FLOWERS POSSIBLY BE MANLY?"
WELL I'LL TELL YOU HOW. THESE AREN'T ORDINARY FLOWERS. THESE FLOWERS LET YOU HARVEST THE PAIN YOU GROW ON THOSE NERDS FACES. THEN IT LETS YOU EAT THAT PAIN AND ABSORB IT INTO YOUR ARMOR ABS, THUS HEALING YOU. JUST LIKE THE ANCIENT WARRIORS DID TO THE HEARTS OF LIONS. NOW WHY SHOULD YOU GET THESE? THIS WILL ALLOW YOU TO PUMP IRON LONGER THEN THOSE SKINNY NERDS DURING YOUR WORKOUTS. AND SINCE SKOLLDIR WORKS OUT A LOT NEXT TO OTHER, WEAKER NERDS, YOU GOTTA SHOW EM WHO'S KING OF THE GYM.



THIS ITEM LET'S YOU HIT PEOPLE SO HARD THAT THEY TEMPORARILY LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE.








MEAT OR BEER. THEY MAKE YOU HIT HARDER. CHOOSE ONE.








THESE ARE THE THINGS YOU SHOULD TAKE TO THROW THOSE NERDS ACROSS THE WORLD.


GET THIS BECAUSE WHEN YOU THROW A NERD, YOUR MUSCLES WILL BECOME SO ROCK HARD THAT THEY'LL CUT THEMSELVES ON YOUR SHARP, ROCKLIKE ARMS.




GET THIS ITEM BECAUSE WITH IT, YOU WILL LITERALLY THROW NERDS ACROSS THE ENTIRE GALAXY. AND YOU WANT THEM AWAY FROM THEIR NERDY TEAM.




THIS LITTLE GUY CAN SPOT YOU WHILE YOU'RE GETTING EVEN SWOLLER. PLUS HE'S HOLDING A BOMB. SO CHUCK HIM WITH A NERD AND WATCH THEM EXPLODE.










THESE ARE THE ITEMS YOU SHOULD BUY FOR YOUR GODLY THIGHS AND BUMCHEEKS.



GET THIS HAMMER BECAUSE NOT ONLY WILL YOUR BUM SMASH MAKE THE EARTH SHAKE IN FEAR, IT WILL ALSO MAKE THOSE NERDS SHAKE IN FEAR AND STOP THEM FROM RUNNING AWAY FROM YOU.





YOU BUY THIS BECAUSE YOU WANT THE EARTH TO FEAR YOU EVEN MORE. IT'S LIKE AN ENTIRE FOOTBALL FIELD IN FRONT OF YOU GOT SCARED AND PUKED UP A VOLCANO.





BUY THIS BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SCARE UP SOME HOTTER LAVA WITH YOUR CHISELED BUM.







AFTER THAT BUY WHATEVER YOU WANT FOR YOUR LAST ROW, IT'S ALL SUPER MANLY.

THESE ARE THE GUYS WHO CAN EITHER SPOT YOU ON THE WEIGHTS OR HELP YOU SLAM DUNK SOME NERDS.



THIS GUY MIGHT BE A SQUISHY OCTOPUS, BUT HE'S SERIOUSLY BUFF. LOOK AT THAT ANCHOR. THAT THING MUST WEIGH A TON. THROW NERDS INTO THIS GUY SO YOU CAN BOTH SLAM DUNK THEM.




THIS ROBOT DUDE IS PRETTY SWOLL, I WORKED OUT WITH HIM ONCE. THROW NERDS INTO HIM WHEN HE GETS REALLY MAD AND WATCH THEM CRY.




THIS LITTLE DUDE IS BORDERLINE NERDY, BUT HE RIDES AROUND IN A SWEET ROBOT BABE. THROW NERDS INTO HIS TRAPS AND WATCH THEM GET SLAM DUNKED.




THIS NERD SMELLS LIKE CHEESE. BUT HE CAN USE HIS NERDY SWORD TO SLICE UP THE BIGGER NERDS ON THE ENEMY TEAM. PLUS HE CAN PULL THEM BACK IF THEY TRY TO RUN AWAY.



THIS GUY ISN'T A NERD, BUT HE'S NOT MANLY EITHER. HE CAN THROW DOWN SOME SICK BEATS THOUGH. HE CAN ALSO THROW DOWN SOME SICK BEATDOWNS. THROW NERDS INTO HIM AND WATCH HIM SLAM AND JAM.

THESE ARE THE NERDS THAT WILL GIVE YOU SOME TROUBLE. BUT DON'T WORRY, YOU'RE A REAL MAN SO YOU CAN HANDLE THEM.


I FEAR NO MAN. BUT THIS... THING. IT SCARES ME.
SHE'LL FLY AROUND YOU AND YOUR AWESOME MUSCLES WON'T BE ABLE TO REACH HER. BUT IF YOU DO, SHE'S AS GOOD AS DUNKED.




THIS FURRY BABE CAN SERIOUSLY WRECK YOU IF YOU AREN'T CAREFUL. SHE CAN JUMP A LOT, AND WHEN SHE DOES THAT YOUR MUSCLES CAN'T REACH HER. JUST LIKE THAT LITTLE GIRL THOUGH, IF YOU CATCH HER, SHE'S AS GOOD AS DUNKED. BE CAREFUL THOUGH, SHE CAN TURN YOUR ARMORED ABS INTO JELLO.




THIS BABE IS SLIPPERY. SHE CAN CHUCK BALLS AT YOU FROM REALLY FAR AWAY AND THEY HURT. SHE SHOULD JOIN A SHOT PUT TEAM. SHE'S ALSO SUPER FAST AND CAN MAKE YOU MOVE SLOWER.




THIS FURRY LITTLE NERD CAN FLY, AND HE CAN ALSO USE HIS NERDY JUNK TO MAKE YOU MOVE SLOWER AND MAKE HIMSELF IMMUNE TO YOUR MUSCLES.




THIS IS A NERDY BABE. SHE STANDS BEHIND HER TURRETS WHILE DRINKING MOUNTAIN DEW GAMER FUEL AND THINKS SHE'S COOLER THEN YOU WHILE SHE 360 NO-SCOPES IT. SHE'S ALSO REALLY FAST AND HAS HER SUPER NERDWALL THAT MAKES YOU SLOWER.




THIS NERD HAS SOME GOOD BLOW IF YOU CAN CATCH HIM. BUT HE'S GOT A WALL AND A SAWBLADE, SO GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.




THESE TWO FISHNERDS CAN FLY, DASH AND BLIND YOUR MANLY EYES. THEY CAN ALSO SHOOT GIRLY BUBBLES FROM AFAR, AND SUCH GIRLY THINGS ARE YOUR ONLY WEAKNESS.

REMEMBER TO UPHOLD YOUR MANHOOD. ALWAYS GET IN THE NERDS FACES AND CHUCK THEM INTO YOUR MANLY (BUT STILL NOT AS MANLY AS YOU.) TEAM. MAKE SURE YOU DON'T PUMP TOO MUCH IRON THOUGH, COS THEN YOU GET CRAMPS AND STUFF.

NOW GO FORTH AND BE MANLY.