CAN'T YOU READ THE GUIDE'S DESCRIPTION? THIS GUIDE TELLS YOU HOW TO BEAT THE MVM GAMEMODE! FIX YOUR EYES THEN GO BACK LATER!

MANY SO CALLED PROS SAID MVM IS PISS EASY, ESPECIALLY THE SUPER HARD TWO-CITIES MISSIONS. I CALL ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SINCE IT IS THE HARDEST MISSION EVER. WHY? BECAUSE IT GIVES AUSTRALIUMS AND GOLDEN PAN AND KILLSTREAKS, AND ANY TOUR WITH SUPER-VALUABLE LOOTS MEANS IT MUST BE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT!

YOU SHOULD PLAY ONLY, AND ONLY, TWO CITIES, EVEN WHEN YOU'RE A COMPLETE NEWBIE AND NEVER PLAYED TF2 NOR MVM BEFORE! ALL OTHER TOURS ARE A COMPLETE GHOST TOWN (NO YOU NUMBWITS, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE WAVE 666) AND THEIR LOOT IS WORTHLESS.



IF YOU REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT LOOT AND WANT TO DEMONSTRATE TO THE OTHER NEWBS THAT YOU'RE A SUPER MLG PRO MVM PLAYER, PLAY MECHA ENGINE OR GEAR GRINDER! SINCE TWO CITIES IS ALREADY THE HARDEST TOUR AND THE FIRST ONE TO CAME OUT EVER, THOSE 2 TOURS ARE JUST A WALK IN THE PARK.

ONE OF THE CORE CLASS IN MVM, THE SCOOTY BOOTY MAN IS EXTREMELY GREAT AT COLLECTING MONEY SINCE HE CAN SUCK ALL THE MONEY AROUND HIM WITH HIS SUPER FAST MOVEMENT SPEED AND LOW-GRAVITY DOUBLE JUMP WITH FULL JUMP HEIGHT WHILE BEING PINNED TO THE ROOF BY A BUNCH OF COWARD FATTY IMPOSTERS!

A SUPER GREAT SCOOTY MUST GET A+ ALL THE TIME OR ELSE HE'LL BE KICKED EVEN THOUGH THAT $1 IS LEFT IN A FAR CORNER BY A SNIPING FATTY WHILE HE'S BUSY WITH GRABBING ALL THE CASH LEFT ALL OVER THE PLACE.

ONLY UPGRADE RESISTS SINCE STRAFING AND DODGING WITH MAX MOVEMENT SPEED IS COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE! ALSO HIS SCATTERGUN OR SOMETHING IS COMPLETELY ♥♥♥♥ SINCE IT DEALS NO DAMAGE AT ALL SO DON'T EVER SHOOT IT AND JUST UPGRADE YOUR FAN O' WAR AND MAD MILK TO MAX THEN HOLD YOUR LEFT MOUSE TO WHACK THAT STUPID GIANT'S HEAD THEN THROW MAD MILK TO SLOW SUPER SCOOTS SINCE THAT'S WHAT THE MILK IS MEANT TO BE USED! YOU MUST UPGRADE SLOW FOR IT SINCE OTHERWISE MAD MILK IS TOTALLY USELESS AND CAN'T REALLY HELP HEALING YOUR TEAMMATES AT ALL!

♥♥♥♥ YEAH! ONE OF THE BEST CLASS IN MVM EVER SINCE THE ROCKET SPECIALIST WAS INTRODUCED AND IT MEANS YOU MUST HAVE A SOLDIER IF YOU WANT TO WIN THE GAME!

THE SOLDIER MUST USE THE BUFF BANNER SINCE IT GIVES MORE DAMAGE FOR THE TEAM, ALL OTHER BANNERS AND WEAPONS ARE USELESS AND SHOULD NEVER BE USED! THE ONLY EXCEPTION IS WHEN YOU'RE USING THE AIR STRIKE THEN YOU CAN THROW THAT ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ BANNER AWAY FOR THE BASE JUMPER SINCE EVERYONE LOVES MASSIVE AMOUNT OF ROCKETS BEING SENT TOWARD THE ROBOTS EVEN THOUGH IT TAKES FOREVER TO RELOAD ALL THOSE CLIP AND THAT -25% DAMAGE PENALTY WHICH CAN BE COMPENSATED WITH MORE CRIT CANTEENS!

SOLDIER MUST ONLY USE STOCK, BLACK BOX OR AIR STRIKE SINCE THEY CAN EITHER DEAL GREAT DAMAGE OR IN AIRSTRIKE'S CASE, MASSIVE AMOUNT OF DAMAGE! IF YOU SEE A WANNABE SOLDIER USING THE BEGGAR'S BAZOOKA AND SAYING HE CAN HANDLE ROBOTS AND TANKS, DO NOT TRUST HIM! TELL HIM TO SWITCH TO AIRSTRIKE SINCE IT'S TOTALLY BETTER THAN THAT PIECE OF TRASH BEGGAR AND HAVE THE DEMOMAN TO DESTROY THE TANK WITH SOLDIER WHILE LEAVING GROUP OF ROBOTS AND UBER MEDICS TO THE FATASS HEAVY, MEDIC AND ENGINEER TO HANDLE.

ALSO ROCKET SPECIALIST INCREASE YOUR DAMAGE A LOT, YOU MUST UPGRADE IT TO FULL 4 POINTS BEFORE WORRYING ABOUT DAMAGE AND CLIP SIZE UPGRADE.

SOLDIER IS EXTREMELY EASY SO THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN HAVE A BAD ONE, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S USING THE BUFF BANNER OR AIRSTRIKE + BASE JUMPER COMBO. IF THE WAVE FAILS, KICK THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HEAVY OR ENGINEER INSTEAD EVEN WHEN HE HAS LOWER DAMAGE THAN SCOOTY BOOTY OR MEDIC.

THE FIREMAN IS A COMPLETE CRAP CLASS IN MVM! THE ONLY THING HE CAN DO IS TO STAND BEHIND THE ROBOT'S RANK AND INCINERATE ROBOTS AND TANKS WHILE TOTALLY NOT DYING AT ALL SINCE HE HAS RESISTS AND HEALTH ON KILL!

THE ONLY PRIMARY YOU SHOULD USE IS ANYTHING THAT CAN AIRBLAST SO PHLOGISTINATOR IS COMPLETELY USELESS AND YOU SHOULD ONLY SWITCH TO IT WHEN THERE ARE TANKS IN THE WAVE BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON TANKS ARE WEAK TO AN OUTTA SPACE WEAPON THAT CAN'T EVEN PUFF AIR. PUT ALL YOUR MONEY IN AIRBLAST FORCE AND AMMO CAPACITY THEN SPAM THAT RIGHT MOUSE BUTTON OF YOURS UNTIL YOU DIED. YOU TOTALLY HELPED YOUR TEAM BY PUFFING THOSE HARMLESS AIR AND HOVER ROBOTS IN THE AIR!

IN SHORT, FIREMAN SUX ASS AND SHOULD NEVER BE USED UNLESS IN SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES WHICH I DON'T BOTHER TALK ABOUT UNTIL LATER!

DISCLAIMER: TOTALLY NOT MOCKING ABOUT A CERTAIN INDEPENDENCE THING.
Seriously, I don't intend to say anything bad about it, treat the above sentence as satire and non-serious.

IF THERE IS ANY UBER MEDICS IN A MISSION THEN YOU TOTALLY NEED A BLACK DRUNK ♥♥♥♥ JUST TO BLOW THEM UP, THAT'S THE ONLY THING HE'S GOOD AT. AND... UH... YEAH HE'S GOOD AGAINST TANKS TOO! I DON'T KNOW WHY SINCE I'VE TESTED IT AND SEEN HE'S NOT THAT MUCH BETTER COMPARING TO THE FATTY BUT HE ♥♥♥♥♥♥' SHOOT BIGASS EXPLOSIVES WHICH MEANS IT MUST DEAL A CRAP TONS OF DAMAGE TO TANKS SO THAT'S MY BEST EXPLAINATION! REMEMBER TO DEMAND FOR 8 OR 14 CRIT STICKIES BEFORE THE ROUND EVEN STARTS BECAUSE THOSE 5 SCOOTY BOTS WITH METAL BATS ARE GONNA STEAMROLL US IF YOU DON'T DO THAT! OR JUST WAIT TIL THOSE 30 OTHER WANNABE EXPLOSIVE DRUNK BOTS TO DIE BEFORE TRYING TO BLOW A SINGLE GIANT RAPID FIRE SOLDIER.

IF YOU SEE A DRUNKYARD NOT USING THE STICKY, JUST ♥♥♥♥♥♥' KICK HIM BECAUSE I SAID SO!

THE BEST CLASS WITH MOST DAMAGE PER SECOND TO CROWD CONTROL AND MUST BE KRITZED AGAINST TANKS EVEN THOUGH THERE'S A SOLDIER, DRUNKYARD OR SCOOTY BOOTY MAN WITH UPGRADED GUN!

THE FATTY IS ONE OF THE HARDEST CLASS TO PLAY IN MVM SINCE YOU CAN ONLY UPGRADE EITHER YOUR PRIMARY OR RESISTS, AND SINCE HEAVY IS ALL ABOUT DAMAGE YOU MUST UPGRADE YOUR GUN! NOT JUST FIRING RATE AND HP ON KILL BUT ALSO FULLY UPGRADE ALL 3 POINTS OF PROJECTILE PENETRATION, AMMO CAPACITY AND ALSO RAGE SO YOU CAN HELP YOUR TEAM BY PUSHING THOSE STUPID GIANTS BACK AND DEAL WAY LESS DAMAGE! PROJECTILE DESTROY IS TOTALLY USELESS SINCE YOUR MEDIK HAS A SHIELD WHICH CAN ALSO BLOCK BULLETS TOO!

IF YOU DIE TO ROBOTS, BLAME AND KICK THE MEDIC SINCE HE ISN'T HAVING HIS ♥♥♥♥♥♥' MEDIGUN HOOKED UP TO YOUR ARSE! ALSO YOU MUST STAND RIGHT NEXT TO THE DISPENSER ALL THE TIME SINCE THE IDIOTIC HARDHAT TOTALLY DIDN'T UPGRADE HIS DISPENSER RANGE EVER!

ALSO HAVE YOUR SANDVICH EQUIPPED AT ALL TIME! IF YOU SEE HIM HAVE ANY OTHER SECONDARY EQUIPPED, KICK HIM RIGHT AWAY. I DON'T CARE IF HE DOESN'T THROW THE SANDVICH TO BEGIN WITH.

THIS TEXAS GUY IS ♥♥♥♥♥♥' IMPORTANT SINCE HIS SENTRY GUN DEALS SUPER DUPER HIGH SUSTAINED DAMAGE AGAINST ONE DUDE AT A TIME SO HE'S TOTALLY ONE OF THE BEST CROWD CONTROLLER EVER, EVEN BETTER THAN THE DRUNKYARD, THE SOLDIER, THE FIREMAN AND THE SNAIPER!

ALSO HE MUST BUILD HIS SENTRY GUN BEFORE THE DISPENSER AND UPGRADE HIS DISPENSER RANGE TO FULL EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT SINCE THE SENTRY IS MUCH MUCH MORE IMPORTANT! IF YOU SEE THE ENGINEER'S SENTRY IS DOWN AT ANY MOMENT JUST KICK HIS ASS! ALSO IF YOU SEE ANY SENTRY BUSTER COMING SLOW IT DOWN AND KILL IT AS FAST AS YOU CAN, EVEN IT MEANS IT EXPLODE RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR ASS OR THE DISPENSER OR SOMETHING WHILE OTHER ROBOTS ARE STILL IN THE FIELD!

IF YOU SEE THE ENGINEER TRYING TO GO ALONG WITH ZE TANK WHILE THE REST OF THE TEAM ARE ALSO ON IT WHILE LEAVING HIM TO HOLD THE FRONT ALONE, KICK HIM TOO!

THE MEDIK IS THE CORE AND NON-REPLACEABLE CLASS IN MVM SINCE YOU TOTALLY CAN'T SURVIVE ONE ROCKET COMING AT YOU BY SLIGHTLY STRAFE WITHOUT HIS ♥♥♥♥♥♥' SUPER MAGICAL SHIELD AND EASILY REMEDY YOUR GLASS-CANNON PROBLEM BY OVERHEAL YOUR ARSE OR REVIVE YOU!

IF YOU SEE NO MEDIC IN YOUR TEAM, REFUSE TO PLAY THE GAME UNTIL SOMEONE ACTUALLY GOES MEDIC SINCE IT'S COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE TO BEAT A MISSION WITHOUT HIM!

IF ANY MEDIC USES OTHER KIND OF MEDIGUN INSTEAD OF THE KRITZ, KICK HIM SINCE HE'S SUPPOSED TO INCREASE YOUR DPS BY X3 TIMES OCCASIONALLY! ALSO YOU MUST POP THE KRITZ ON THE DRUNKYARD WHEN HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY STICKIES THEN THE FATTY FOR EVERY THREATS, ESPECIALLY ZE TANKS!

HOW TO PLAY MEDIC, YOU ASK? IT'S EASY, JUST HOOK UP THAT KRITZ OF YOUR ON SOMEONE'S ARSES AND DON'T BOTHER TO USE ZE UBERSAW ON ANY DISTRACTED ROBOTS OR SENTRY BUSTER AT ALL BECAUSE YOU COULD BLOW IT UP WITH ONE HIT!

ZE SNAIPER IS ONE OF THE MOST UESLESS CLASS IN MVM, EVEN MORE USELESS THAN THE FIREMAN. HOWEVER FOR SOME REASON IF IT'S IN THE HAND OF SKILLED OR HIGH TOUR PEOPLE IT MEANS HE'S THE BEST CLASS BECAUSE APPARENTLY HITTING HEADS THAT ARE MOVING PREDICTABLY IS TOO DAMN HARD!

HOW DO WE KNOW IF HE'S GOOD YOU ASK? IT'S EASY! JUST SEE IF HE HAS JARATE EQUIPPED AND THE SLOW UPGRADE IS BOUGHT WHILE NOT USING THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥' PRIMITIVE BOW, THEN HE'S ALL SET! WHO CARES IF HE GOT ZE EXPLOSIVE SOMETHING HEADSHOT UPGRADE, LIKE HE CAN EVEN USE EXPLOSIVE TO BEGIN WITH!

THE SNAIPER CAN ONLY HIT ONE ROBOT AT A TIME AND SHOOT WAAAAAYYY TOO SLOW SO HE CAN'T KILL A LARGE MOB OF SCOOTY BOOTY OR FATTY ROBOTS. IF YOU SEE BUNCHES OF ELECTRICAL BOLTS FLOWING THROUGH ROBOTS AND THEM DYING AT THE SAME TIME WHILE DROPPING RED MONEY THEN IT'S PROBABLY THE TEXAS HARDHAT USING THE SHORT CIRCUIT TO ZAP THEM WHILE THE OTHER PLAYERS DESTROYED THEM, TOTALLY NOT THE SNAIPER DOING ANYTHING SINCE HE CAN ONLY HIT ONE ROBOT, REMEMBER?

THIS WANNABE FRENCHMAN THINKS HE'S SOME HOTSHIT EVEN THOUGH HE'S JUST ABOUT AS USELESS AS THE SNAIPER AND THE FIREMAN. HIS SATIRE AIN'T WORKING AGAINST ROBOTS SINCE THEY DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT HIS BLABBERING WHILE THE ONLY THING HE CAN DO IS TO POKE HIS STICK ON THE BACK OF A ROBOT TO INSTANTLY KILL THEM INCLUDING THE FAKE BIGASS STEEL GAUNTLETS AND DEALING 938 DAMAGE PER POKE AGAINST THOSE TRUE BIG GIANT ROBOTS WHILE ATTRACTING ATTENTION AND TONS OF "SPY!" YELLING FROM THE ROBOTS.

HECK, YOU CAN'T EVEN POKE FOR THAT MUCH DAMAGE SINCE YOU HAVE TO BUY THE SAPPER UPGRADE! IT WON'T WORK IF YOU DON'T SPEND A DIME ON IT UNTIL YOU HAVE ALL 3 POINTS OF SAPPER POWER. SOME PEOPLE SAID SAPPER DEALS NO DAMAGE TO ROBOTS. DO NOT BELIEVE THEM! SPY IS ACTUALLY A DECENT CROWD CONTROLLER WITH SUPER SAPPER AND YOU CAN EVEN SAP THE TANK TO MAKE IT MOVE BACKWARD!

ALSO, SPY HAS TO DEAL WITH ENGINEER BOT WHENEVER THERE'S ONE SPAWNED IN THE FIELD SINCE HE'S TOTALLY DESIGNED AS A COUNTER AGAINST THEM THANKS TO THE POWER OF HOLY SAPPER!

OK, LEMME ASK YOU ONE THING. HAVE YOU WATCHED THE MVM TRAILER BELOW?


YOU CAN SEE FROM THE VIDEO THAT THE TEAM IS COMPOSED OF SCOOT BOOTY, SOLDIER, FATTY, TEXAS HARDHAT, MEDIC AND DRUNKYARD.

YOU HAVE TO USE THAT TEAM ALL THE TIME TO EVEN HAVE THE SLIGHTEST CHANCE OF WINNING ANY MVM MISSIONS! THIS TEAM HAS BEEN TRIED MILLIONS OF TIMES AND BEEN ATTESTED AS THE MOST POWERFUL TEAM EVER FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS:

• THE TEAM HAS THE MOST VITAL CLASS MEMBER: THE MEDIC. THAT ALREADY EXPLAINS FOR ITSELF.
  
  
• THE SOLDIER AND THE DRUNKYARD CAN TOTALLY HANDLE ALL TANK THREAT IN ANY MISSIONS TOGETHER WHILE LEAVING THE REST TO OTHER 4 MEMBERS!
  
  
• THE DRUNKYARD CAN HANDLE ALL UBER MEDICS BY HIMSELF. IF HE ♥♥♥♥♥ UP, JUST USE THE MIGHTY VOTEKICK!

ANY DEVIATION FROM THIS COMPOSITION AND YOU'LL LOSE THE MISSION INSTANTLY! NOT TO MENTION ANY OTHER CLASSES TO STAND INLINE ARE USELESS ANYWAY.

WELL, THERE ARE CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS TO THIS THAT I'LL EXPLAIN IN THE FOLLOWING SECTION BUT YOU KNOW THE DRILL.

THIS IS MANN VS. MACHINE SO OBVIOUSLY YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGHT AGAINST A VARIETY OF MACHINE THREATS! HERE ARE SOME OF THE THREATS YOU SHOULD TAKE NOTICE:

• THREAT 1: UBER MEDICS
  THESE GUYS ARE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, THAT'S WHY YOU NEED THE DRUNKYARD TO HANDLE THEM. IF THE DRUNKYARD MISSED ANY MEDICS BECAUSE THE FATTY OR TEXAS HARDHAT OR SOMEONE ELSE POPPED THEM, BLAME THE DRUNK AND KICK HIM BECAUSE IT'S HIS JOB TO ENSURE THAT NONE OF THEM EVEN HAVE THE CHANCE TO POP THE UBER! IF THE DRUNKYARD IS DEAD AND STILL WAITING TO RESPAWN, YOU SHOULD RETREAT WHILE WAITING FOR THE ENGLISHMAN TO RESPAWN OR BE REVIVED BY THE MEDIC.
  
  
• THREAT 2: SUPER SCOUTS
  THEY RUN SUPER DUPER FAST FOR THEIR NAME SAKE. YOUR SCOOTY BOOTY MUST TOTALLY UPGRADE SLOW ON HIS MILK (OR IF YOU HAVE A SNAIPER, THEN SLOW PISS) THEN THROW IT AT THEM SO YOUR TEAM CAN EVEN LAND A BULLET. DO NOT EVEN TRY TO STAND IN THEIR WAY AND BLOCK THEM SINCE THE FISH THEY'RE CARRYING IS SO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SMELLY AND DANGEROUS! KICK YOUR SCOOTY BOOTY IF THEY GOT THE BOMB TO THE HATCH SINCE IT'S HIS JOB TO SLOW THEM DOWN!
  
  
• THREAT 3: TANKS
  THESE THINGS ARE EXTREMELY DEADLY AND SHOULD BE DEALT WITH AS FAST AS POSSIBLE! HAVE YOUR SOLDIER AND DRUNKYARD DEALING WITH THEM, THE MEDIC SHOULD FOLLOW AS WELL TO PROVIDE ZE HEALING AND KRITZ AGAINST TANKS, THAT SHOULD DO THE TRICK MOST OF THE TIME, INCLUDING THE PUNY MECHA AND GEAR GRINDER MISSIONS!
  
  THE ONLY EXCEPTION TO THIS IS THE FINAL WAVE OF HAMLET WHERE THERE ARE 3 TANKS IN THE WAVE. FOR SOME WEIRD ARSE REASON THOSE ♥♥♥♥♥♥' TANKS HAVE SOME KIND OF SUPER-POWERED ARMORS BECAUSE THE GOOD OL' LINEUP SUCKS AGAINST THEM FOR WHO KNOWS WHAT REASON SO ALL 6 PLAYERS HAVE TO SWITCH TO THE FIREMAN WITH ZE PHLOGISTINATOR TO HAVE ANY CHANCE OF BEATING THIS WAVE.
  
  
• THREAT 4: GIANT MEDICS
  THESE GUYS ARE EVEN MORE DANGEROUS THAN YOUR PUNY NORMAL UBER MEDICS. THERE ARE 2 KIND OF GIANT MEDICS: THE NORMAL ONE AND THE HATLESS ONE. THE NORMAL ONE ARE EASY TO DEALT WITH BY THE FATTY RAGING THEM AWAY SO IF THEY HAPPEN TO COME IN PAIR OF TWO, THEY ARE FREE TO HEAL EACH OTHER WHILE LEAVING THEIR GIANT PATIENT ALL LONELY AGAIN. THE FATTY SHOULD ALSO SHOOT THEM FROM LONG RANGE SO HE CAN DEAL A MASSIVE 2 DAMAGE TOO!
  
  THE HATLESS ONE IS ANOTHER STORY. FOR SOME REASON THEY CAN ACTUALLY POP THEIR QUICK-FIX UBER AND MAKE THEMSELVES COMPLETELY INVINCIBLE NO MATTER WHAT YOU TRY. I'VE HEARD THEY CAN BE EASILY DEALT WITH BY FATTY FIRING MINIGUN UP-CLOSE, DRUNKYARD WITH STICKIES, SNAIPER WITH HEADSHOT, FIREMAN WITH BACKBURNER/PHLOGISTINATOR, SPUNT WITH POKE STICK, SOLDIER WITH SCRAP BEGGAR OR TEXAS HARDHAT WITH POMSON BUT THOSE ARE JUST BASELESS ARGUMENTS WITHOUT PROOF! LET'S JUST WAIT FOR THE DRUNKYARD TO KILL THESE HATLESS MEDICS WHILE WE'RE CHILLING OR DOING POT SHOTS!
  
  
• THREAT 5: ENGINEER BOT
  THESE GUYS ARE ♥♥♥♥♥♥' CHEATING BY TELEPORTING RIGHT BEHIND US AND BUILD A TELEPORTER SO OTHER ROBOTS CAN CHEAT TOO BY SPAWNING AND GRABBING THE BOMB THAT WAS CLOSE TO THEIR BASE. THEY TOTALLY GIVE US NO WARNING AT ALL, ASIDE FROM SOME ANGRY LADY TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT ENGINEER TELEPORTING IN, PROBABLY OUR OWN HARDHAT WAS JUST TRYING TO REBUILD HIS OWN BROKEN TELEPORTER. HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM? JUST SEND A RANDOM GUY WITH EXPLOSIVE OR SOMETHING, OTHERWISE JUST LEAVE IT TO THE SCOOT BOOTY SINCE HE'S QUICK AND FAST.
  
  
• THREAT 6: BATTALION BACKUP SOLDIER
  THESE GUYS MUST BE HACKING SINCE THEY CAN TANK A GREAT DEAL OF DAMAGE, ESPECIALLY EVEN WHEN YOU'RE BEING CRIT-BOOSTED BY A MEDIC OR CANTEEN. SINCE IT'S QUITE OBVIOUS THAT THEY'RE HACKING TO TANK EVEN MORE DAMAGE, YELL YOUR MEDIC TO GIVE YOU MORE KRITZ OR BUY MORE CRIT CANTEENS AND POP IT AGAINST THEM! SENTRY GUN IS ALSO TOTALLY GOOD AT DEALING DAMAGE AGAINST THEM TOO! WHO HAS TIME TO READ A WEAPON'S DESCRIPTION ANYWAY!
  
  
• THREAT 7: GIANT BLACK BOX SOLDIER
  OH BOY, THESE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ARE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS! THEIR ROCKETS CAN HURT YOU A LOT AND NOT ONLY THAT, THEY'LL BE HEALED TO FULL IF YOU EVEN LET A ROCKET HIT SOMEONE! SO TELL YOUR TEAMMATE TO STAY AWAY AND KEEP DODGING FROM THOSE -55% DAMAGE ROCKETS OR HIDE BEHIND YOUR MEDIC'S MAGIC SHIELD INSTEAD OF HITTING THEM RIGHT IN THE FACE BEFORE THEY COULD EVEN RELOAD ANOTHER ROCKET SALVO!
  
  
• THREAT 8: BLOODY SPIES!
  THESE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SPIES ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO KILL SINCE THEY CHEAT BY TELEPORTING RIGHT BEHIND YOU WHILE CLOAKED, DOING SOME ANNOYING "HON HON HON" AND THEN INSTANTLY KILL YOU WITH THEIR PUNY POKE. THE SAME ANGRY LADY I MENTIONED BEFORE ALSO YELLS ABOUT THOSE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SPIES BUT CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TOO BUSY SHOOTING DOWN SOME BAT SCOUTS???!!

FIRST, YOU TOTALLY HAVE TO BE IN-REAL-LIFE FRIEND WITH 5 OTHER PEOPLE. OH AND YOU MUST HAVE OVER 200 TOURS OR SOMETHING, AS WELL AS USING MICS ALL THE TIME TO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER ABOUT SOMETHING RELATED TO THE GAME ITSELF. THIS MEANS YOU REALLY NEED TIGHT COMMUNICATION AND EXTREMELY EXCELLENT TEAMWORK TO BE THE BEST MVM TEAM EVER!

WANT AN EXAMPLE? SURE!


IN THIS VIDEO, YOU CAN TOTALLY SEE THESE GUYS COMPLETELY DISREGARDED THE BEST AND MOST COMMONLY USED TEAM COMPOSITION WHILE USING FOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ USELESS FIREMEN FOR THE MAJORITY OF THE MISSION. THEY SURELY MADE UP FOR THAT VITAL FAULT BY BEING EXTREMELY COORDINATED AND COMMUNICATE ALL THE TIME, I MEAN THEY WERE TOTALLY TALKING ABOUT THE STRATEGY ON HOW TO BEAT THE MISSION EVERYTIME THEY USED THE MIC! AND THOSE W+M1, TALK ABOUT COORDINATION!

WANT MORE EXAMPLE? YOU ASKED FOR IT!


THIS TEAM HAD 3 COMPLETELY USELESS CLASSES: THE FIREMAN, THE HON HON HON SPUNT AND THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥' SNAIPER! NOT TO MENTION THE MOST VITAL CLASS EVER DID NOT RECEIVE THE MAGIC SHIELD AND REVIVE ABILITY WHEN THE VIDEO WAS MADE SO MAKE THAT 4 USELESS MEN! YET THEY STILL MANAGED TO BEAT THE GEAR GRINDER MISSION WITH LIKE NO TROUBLE SINCE OBVIOUSLY TWO CITIES IS WAY HARDER THAN THIS PUNY EXPERT TOUR. AGAIN, THEY TOTALLY USED PSYCHIC COMMUNICATION TO WORK TOGETHER WITH LITTLE TO NONE OBVIOUS VISUAL NOR SOUND GESTURES! MAN WISH I HAVE THE SAME SUPERHUMAN ABILITY FROM THEM!

SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM THIS? SIMPLE! IF YOU'VE EVER PLAYED COMPETITIVE FOR TF2, THEN YOU CAN EASILY WRECK ♥♥♥♥♥ IN MVM!

NOW GET OUT AND GO KILL SOME ROBOTS YOU LAZY FAT ARSE!

And I hope you didn't take this entire guide seriously.