my friends are on their own schedule, joining others ends up with a kick 4 out of 5 times, and too often when i host i get griefed. i've almost stopped multiplayer altogether; i aint joining some rando's game

I join 1/4 all the time. And more often than not, the mission is full seconds later.
Even when I started a mission solo (I have no friends that play it) I've had a full squad even before my advanced weapon drop arrived.