👶 Step 1: Spawn in, Panic Immediately

Welcome to CS2. You’re alive for now, and you have a gun, a dream, and no clue what you’re doing. That's fine. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget that everyone else has 4,000 hours in this game. You have… heart.
🧨 Step 2: Buy Guns You Can't Use

Buy phase:

You: “I’ll take the AWP.”

Team: “But you're 0–12...”

Also You: “I SAID THE AWP.”

🔫 Pro tip: Just buy a Zeus and rush B. The Zeus is love. The Zeus is life.

🎯 Step 3: Crosshair Placement (a.k.a. Head Levelish... Sorta)

Don’t aim at the floor.
Don’t aim at the sky.
Aim where heads live.
Imagine everyone is crouching behind a box eating spaghetti. Aim there.
💥 Step 4: Spraying 101 – How to Draw a Squiggly Snake

Every CS2 gun has a spray pattern.
And it’s not your friend.

Here’s how to master it:

Hold mouse1.

Watch your bullets go on vacation.

Cry.

Learn the actual spray pattern by practicing in “Recoil Master.”

Then do steps 1–3 again but slightly better.

🧍‍♂️ Step 5: Movement = Accuracy = Lies

Running and gunning? BAD.
Standing still? GOOD.
Counter-strafing? LEGENDARY.

⚠️ Warning: If you jump and shoot an AWP mid-air like in YouTube montages, you will miss. And your friends will judge you.

🧠 Step 6: Team Communication (or How to Scream Without Helping)

Use your mic to:

Yell “One short!” after dying.

Yell “He’s lit 99!” (he’s not).

Say “Easy” after clutching with 1 HP and 2 brain cells.

Do NOT:

Play music over mic.

Ask for a drop every round.

Call a vote to kick someone because they sneezed.

🐔 Step 7: Respect the Chickens

They are neutral NPCs.
They did nothing wrong.
Do not shoot them.
Unless you want to assert dominance.

Then, shoot exactly one. No more. Let the others mourn.
🔥 Step 8: Flashbangs Are for Friends

How to flash like a pro:

Call out: “Flashing!”

Throw it directly at your teammate’s head.

Watch them run into site blind.

Apologize with a chicken emote.

Pro tip: Real friends flash together, then die together.

🎩 Step 9: Skins = Skill (No They Don’t)

Do you have a knife skin?
You're now legally required to inspect it every 8 seconds mid-round.

No skin? No win.
Solution: Pick up other people’s fancy skins when they die.
That’s not looting. That’s a skill transfer.
🧠 Step 10: Trust No One

Teammates:

Will accidentally flash you.

Will leave you to 1v5.

Will say “we got this” while buying dualies and jumping off Mirage window.

You:

Must carry them like emotional baggage.

✅ Final Thoughts

CS2 is:

50% game sense

30% aim

15% panic

5% screaming “WHY DID I PEEK THAT?!”