This small guide is here to show viewers some of the messages that the vending machine may spew out at random. They'll be organised into by the company of the product on each notice.
This guide should now include all notices that appear.
Thanks go to the contributors of the VCD wiki for providing most of the images.
Thanks to Pyrocator for providing images of further spam notice images from the House of Horror and Vulcan Affair DLCs.

The Only No-Refusal Sanitation Workforce! Aerospace Sanitation Inc.

With over 50 years of service, Aerospace Sanitation have tackled countless cleanup jobs across the galaxy.
No job is too tough,
No job is too unusual,
No job is too clandestine for Aerospace Sanitation's unique service!
We'll clean up your mess!

Premium package now *1299.99 Vaders!

The new A-Series Space Mop is here!
With its sleek ergonomic design and Haladium Yellow paint job, the new A-Series Space Mop is a work of art!
With just a single swab of its tentacle-design head, it's goodbye mess!
Proven to remove all tough stains, no matter the cause!

Pre-order now for only 55.99 Vaders!










High Energy Plasma Laser Welder
Troublesome bullet holes? Stubborn welding jobs? You need the new R2 High Energy Plasma Laser Welder!
Melts surface damage back into shape in mere moments!
Strong enough to turn anything into sludge within seconds, the R2 is no plaything, but it sue is fun to use!











Turning Hard Wood into Soft Pulp!
Power, pure diesel fuelled wood rending power!
Tired of hauling branches, logs, old tyres and even bodies for miles just to get rid of them?
Well that ends now!

What you need is the ultimate tool;
"Chuck Torrance's Diesel Deforester".
It'll tear anything you put into it into little tiny pieces.
So small, no one'll know what it was.
Order one today boy!

Slosh-O-Matic: Affordable, Automated, Ambivalent
When it comes to affordable bucket supply automation, there can only be on choice!
The Slosh-O-Matic now comes with a truly whopping 20% less unforeseen consequences and accidental assimilation!
Now available at a record *339.99 Vaders!













What-A-Load Bin Dispensers
The only affordable choice for all your disbosal bin supply automation needs!
It's so affordable, you'll need one of our bins to just hold all your savings!
Now with 15% less spontaneous spates!
On sale for *399.99 Vaders!












Height-Assisted Relocation Mechanism Series 4!
A classic BlackWheel Industrial device re-imagined by Crudson's Automation:
The HARM, or Height-Assisted Relocation Machanism!
Why waste money on pointless safety?
If it gets the job done for less, you're a winner!
The all new Series 4 comes with less radioactive paint and catapulting than previous models.
You can't afford to be safe any longer

Caches to Ashes, Rust to Dust
Our new X-Butanateor Incinerators are Hot and Heavy!
The primary unit features dual-door access combined with a high temperature grill that has more than enough power to eliminate any potential contaminants.
Order today and you will receive an entire canister of X-Butanateor for free!










The Ultimate Workman's Shovel!
The new Space-Shovel is everything a planetary workforce needs.
Along with our classic handle, we've added extra strength to the shovel head.
Perfect for whatever you're shovelling, the X5 Space-Shovel is the right fit for you!
Now available for the low low price of *39.99 Vaders!

The new Bitterman 500 Computer!
With a new retro design, it's sure to take you back a couple centuries!
What's inside however, is anything but dated!
Using the new C-3P0 core, the 500 will rival most other Series-G Computers!

For an extra *9.99, you can get the "Lemon Squeeze" memory optimisation software included!

The Balls of the Galaxy
When there's an invasion, our squad of ultimate badasses will protect you!
Our alien blasting, roach slaying, steroid driven army of hardcore Star Troopers will kick ass in your target area.
We've got tactical smart-missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, sonic electronic hull-breakers.
We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks!

Let's kick some alien ass, double time!

HVC Mk9 Lightning Gun: Pure Power!
The ultimate in non-lethal lethality, the stunning new Mk9 delivers a significantly higher charge than previous models.
From your everyday mutant sedation to hardcore Krao riot control, the Mk9 does it all!
The ultimate tool will set you back on a princely 2599.99 Vaders. But can you realy put a price on god-like power?

The Tri-Fusion Powered Lantern
Positively pulsating power, the new Tri-Fusion Lantern by Skywalker Technologies features increased brightness and longevity.
Now with 12% less conflegration capability, it's safer than ever!
Order now to qualify for accidental extermination cover!

The enlightening new Solar Flare!
If it's light you want, look no further than the new Solar Flare!
With the new ionized adronium phosphorous, its brightness rivals that of the recent Sirius supernova event!
There's no place where the sun won't shine!
Available in singles or in bulk!

Big John Human-Waste Receptacles!
When it comes to human waste, we know it inside and out.
That's why our receptacles are second to none!
With state-of-the-art keypad control and dual tank flow, the new yet classic Big John look is a true champion.
With a wide range of Receptacle sizes, no man or beast is uncatered for, nor any state of wealth.
Your cheeks deserve a luxury throne!

OmniPresent, OmniPotent, OmniScient
When it comes to mechanised solutions, OmniCorp is the only choice!
From Household droids to full on war machines or urban combat mechs, OmniCorp literally has it all!
Using only the most precise engineering techniques and state-of-the-art materials, our creations are to die for!
Limited Edition Companion Droid on sale now!










Spartan Phoenix: The ONLY Solution!
With its laser-guided twin barrels, the Spartan has always been a force to be reckoned with.
Combined with the Phoenix Edition's new AI, you have the ultimate security device!
Suitable for 'pacifying' any threat, from terrormunists to your neighbour, or any would-be villains.

Make the smart choice; choose danger!

Big Banger: The Apocalypse is Here!
When 11 just won't do!
The new Big Banger: Supernova takes it to the next level with its space-time shattering bass!
Set yourself apart and bouce like a true playa.
When they hear you coming, they'll know.
There's a man who knows what matters!
Limited edition. Get it NOW!

Say NO to mediocrity, say YES to Phat Bassics!

All Your Ritual Needs!
When it comes to ritual and occult goods, no one does it better than "The Cask of Amontillado"!

From our superb collection of coloured candles, to our clothing and bodily fluids department, we've got you covered!
Visit one of our stores and send us a letter to place your order today!

The Cask of Amontillado; where everything is unknowable except our quality!

Horror Books and More on Sale!
Come in to the Dark Sacrament and browse our selection of halloween themed hardcovers, or maybe you're more of the romantic?
"Do Werewolves Blush?" just came in, and it's on sale now!

Come on down and pick up a book to your liking from our huge range.
All of them are marked down!

The Dark Sacrament, by Beelzebub they're good!

Films, The Magnetic Attraction!

You want films?
You want series?
You want joy?
Then come down to your nearest VHS Palace store, or simply sign up to our subscription and you'll get fine quality tapes for your enjoyment.
We've got the latest films, including "A Dance with Lepers" and "Fly on the Nuclear Launch Button"

VHS Palace. Where dreams last for a few years at least!

I Spy a Bargain!
Come on down to the Espionage Emporium anytime and browse our extensive range of goods for the budding double agent in you.
We've got crocodile submarines, exploding toothpaste and omni-purpose wristwatches.

Planning a super secret mission and need a disguise?
Then try our new face mask printer!
Accept this mission, and be your best!

New Summer Selection is to die for!
Tired of drab old uniforms and tacky trench coats?

We'll take your tommy two-tone and make him nazi snazzy with our selection of exquisite and bold uniforms that just scream "submit to my international terror!"

The new summer range is just perfect for any dictator's fine soldiers or supervillain's henchmen.
Order now!

Expanded Spy Range!
Our wonderous range of spy-based tuxedos has recently been massively expanded!

Visit our nearest store and pick up your kevlar-lined, death trap filled piece of accoutrement today!

With over 200 designs and featuring a multitude of functions, our spy tuxedo selection is second to none.
You'd have to be a villain not to buy from us!

Make Party Go BOOM!
Fresh, hot russian nukes just in.
Good for any occasion.

Buy nuke, nuke good!
I've got hydrogen. I've got salted.
Kilotons and megatons.
If it blows, I got it.

Come on down and we have little chat.
You can trust Vlad. I'm the bomb.

Your iVend Supply Machine trial period has expired.Please consider upgrading for the low price of *899.99 Vaders.

With the full version you get:
- Unlimited access to our synthesizer database
- 24/8 sub-light call-line support, with highly trained technicians ready to serve you
- Immediate cessation of spam-vending protocols
- Creation software; create and share your own molecular-assembly plans
- Si-fi support; connect anytime, anywhere, anyhow. You can even link with other iVend devices with ease!

Upgrade now! What are you waiting for?

iVend: We're dedicated creationists hard at work!