All of these achievements will be earned as you clear your way through the 23 levels of the game.

Pro Gamer
Finish the Tutorial.
Simply beat level one.

Red Nose
Beat Hans' first masterpiece.
Beat level 5.

Unstoppable
Beat Hans' second masterpiece.
Beat level 15.

You fool!
Reunite with your friend.
Beat level 23.

The show must go on.
Finish the game.
After beating level 23 and seeing the credits.

Praise Hans!
Beat Hans.
Hans appears on the final level. To "beat" him you must get through the course before he does and attack him. Another option, and what happened for me, is to let him get toward the end and hope a swinging ball knocks him off. He moves very slowly.

These achievements require you to reach each checkpoint in each level without any missing bodyparts. You can see what checkpoints you may have missed by clicking on a level and looking at the Ed figures. If a checkpoint was completed unharmed, it will be gold.

Unharmed
Reach a checkpoint in one piece.


Free TV
Beat 5 levels unharmed.


Paid TV
Beat 12 levels unharmed.


Blockbuster
Beat all levels unharmed.

Chickens appear on a handful of maps. Simply walk over them and they will be killed. The best way to "grind" all 100 chickens is the beginning of level 19. 10 chickens spawn next to the start. Kill them all, quit to level select and do it again.

Chicken Nugget
Kill 20 chickens.


Chicken Farmer
Kill 50 chickens.


Chicken Slaughter
Kill 100 chickens.

Candymeat is the piles of yellow cans spreadout through the levels. Each level has a set amount of cans and all you have to do is find them and walk/roll/jump through them. You can check how many cans you have gotten in each level by selecting a level and looking at the counter. There is a grand total of 365 candymeats.

Candymeat Fan
Collect 20% of all candymeat.
73 meats.

Candymeat Lover
Colelct 50% of all candymeat.
183 meats.

Candymeat Addict
Collect 100% of all candymeat.
all 365. Sorry but I don't have the will to make a guide on where they all are. Some are pretty well hidden. If anyone wants to put together a location guide, I will gladly link it here.

To earn the Impress Viewers achievements, you must select challenges from the main menu. You earn points as you run through the level, the further you get, the more points. Reach each milestone to earn the related achievement.

Entertainer
Impress 200 viewers.


They love you
Impress 700 viewers.


Hans is impressed!
Impress 1100 viewers.