Sometimes I just like to wear my red bikini. It makes me feel confident. But when I wear my leopard bikini, I feel like going wild. When I feel wild, I do crazy things... Oh boy, I feel horny. I have a secret I hide from everybody. Its like my fantasy... You are not into banana suits? how about this? Ok, thats not sexy. Maybe this will cheer you up? Ketchup cheetah? Is that what you want? I don't know what you want!

When I was a young kid... I wanted to be a rock star. My dad wanted me to be like him. An ordinary Mayonnaise. So I had some identity issues... I don't want to be a top seller mayonnaise like him. I just want to play my guitar with my glam style. In the end, my dad supported me. But now... I want to be a mime!

I will tell you something important about life. Life is like a box of chocolates. Just kidding, who compares life with a box of chocolates? Ok... life is something that makes us move... you know, we have muscles reflexes and all that stuff. Thats why we move... duh... Ok, lets get serious. life is a part of our lives. What... you dont like my philosophy about life? Hey, I am the one talking about life!! Not you! Ohh, so you think you can define life better than me?! I am Mayonnaise!

Gather around and I'll spin a yarn you won't believe! It was a stormy night and it was raining cats and dogs. The day was over and I was ready to go catch some Z's back home. But then I met a gorgeous blonde bombshell! We rapped about sauce, I hope I wasn't too cheesy. We seemed to hit it off! So I invited her for some coffee, if you catch my cold! But I forgot my apartment was an armpit, so I was screwed! As soon as we went in she flipped out! And then she totally vanished... I felt pooped out the next, but what do I know about love? I'm just a mayo

Random Fact #25: The Neanderthal’s brain was bigger than yours is
Random Fact #50: The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache
Random Fact #200: Every year about 98% of the atoms in your body are replaced
Random Fact #350: Diet Coke was only invented in 1982
Random Fact #500: Stressed is Desserts spelled backwards
Random Fact #550: In ancient Rome, it was considered a sign of leadership to be born with a crooked nose.
Random Fact #700: The 700 Club was a very random TV show
Random Fact #1500: Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell
Random Fact #3000: The elephant is the only animal with 4 knees
Random Fact #5000: Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise
Random Fact #8000: A group of crows is called a murder
Random Fact #10000: Even if you say you dont like mayonnaise, its possible that its in some of your favourite foods.