Factorio

Factorio

144 ratings
THE ULTIMATE VAHN GUIDE: Let's go Gambling!
By Thea Vanherst
This girl looks like she screams "I'm the main character", "I sold your IP address for an energy drink.", "I have a gun" and "give me your wallet"
   
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Chapter 1: The Lore of Vahn – From Digital Dreams to Total Degeneracy
Vahn isn’t just any deer. No, this dude exists in a liminal space between cyberpunk outlaws, Saturday morning cartoons, and your worst impulse purchase at 3 AM. A digital trickster, Vahn was allegedly coded into existence by an AI that misunderstood the assignment. The result? A caffeinated, green-haired cervine enigma that hacks slot machines, teleports into My Little Pony episodes uninvited, and wins arguments online by sheer volume alone.

Rumors say Vahn was once a respected entity in the cybernetic forest before getting permanently banned for modding reality. Now, they roam the digital multiverse, living solely off spite and gambling addiction. Their only goal? To introduce entropy wherever they go.
Chapter 2: Gameplay Mechanics – How to Properly Wield Chaos
Vahn isn’t played. Vahn plays you. If you think there’s a set strategy, you’re already losing. But here’s a breakdown of the basics:
  • Passive Ability – "Digital Gremlin"
    • Every 10 seconds, Vahn randomly teleports a short distance. This includes off cliffs. Pray to RNG.
  • Primary Attack – "Slot Machine Smack"
    • A devastating melee attack that does double damage if the enemy is distracted by Vahn’s neon aesthetic.
  • Special Move – "Existential Lag"
    • Vahn phases out of reality for 2 seconds. Sometimes they come back. Sometimes they don’t.
  • Ultimate – "Deer.exe Has Stopped Working"
    • Vahn crashes the game. No one wins. Not even you.
Chapter 3: Advanced Strategies – Harnessing the Unpredictable
If you’re playing Vahn, you’re already embracing the gremlin mindset. Some essential tactics:
  • "Keyboard Spam Meta" – Vahn benefits from erratic, nonsensical inputs. If you’re strategizing, you’re doing it wrong.
  • "Deer Lag Tactics" – Pretend to disconnect mid-game. Make opponents question reality.
  • "Slot Machine Economy" – Bet all in. Always. Winning is a mindset.
  • "Intentionally Bad Movement" – Run in zig-zags, jump unpredictably, and moonwalk towards enemies. It confuses even the best players.
  • "Emote Abuse" – Spamming taunts mid-fight increases psychological damage on your opponent.
  • "Random Key Rebinds" – Every match, change your keybinds. Play with muscle memory permanently in shambles.
Chapter 4: Drip Levels of the Digital Deer
Vahn is a being of aesthetic contradictions. Here are the top three skins you need:
    • "Gambling Problem" – Default look. Comes with constant losing streak energy. Standard brown deer with neon trims and a vacant, addicted stare.
    • "Cyberbong Vision" – Everything turns into a psychedelic mess. You play worse, but feel cooler. The screen pulses, colors shift unpredictably, and Vahn’s eyes glow with the knowledge of the cosmos.
    • "4th Dimensional Being" – Vahn is now a PNG file that floats through the screen. You no longer have an animation cycle, just a static, haunting sprite.
    • "Golden Glitch" – Your model occasionally flickers between existing and not existing. Sometimes you T-pose at random. Enemies can’t hit what might not be there.
    • "Gremlin Supreme" – Vahn now wears a hoodie and fingerless gloves, increasing mischief by 20%. Hood up grants stealth buffs but makes you 300% more likely to teabag enemies.
    • "404 Not Found" – Every time you get hit, your character briefly disappears from the screen entirely. No one, not even you, knows where you are for a full second.
Chapter 5: Who Fears the Bongdeer?
Vahn is strong against:
  • Serious players – They don’t understand what’s happening.
  • The game’s developers – Too unpredictable to nerf.
  • Tryhard min-maxers – Math doesn’t apply to Vahn.
  • Camping players – Vahn teleports into their personal space uninvited.
Vahn is weak against:
  • Game patches – Might remove key exploits.
  • Players who embrace the chaos – You cannot outgremlin a gremlin.
  • AI-controlled enemies – They are immune to psychological warfare.
  • Any player who has watched your strategy for more than five minutes – Once the pattern is known, your chaotic randomness becomes slightly predictable.
Chapter 6: The Cult of Vahn
Vahn’s player base is a delirious melting pot of tricksters, gamblers, and agents of chaos. If you main Vahn, expect:
  • People assuming you’re cheating – The character’s unpredictability makes legitimate gameplay look like an exploit.
  • Unintelligible voice chat interactions – Most Vahn players communicate in memes, distorted mic noises, or cryptic messages.
  • Existential dread – The sheer randomness of Vahn can lead to moments where even the player questions reality.
  • Forced meta shifts – When enough Vahn mains exist in a lobby, the entire match devolves into unrecognizable madness.
  • Cult-like gatherings – Some servers have designated "Vahn-only" matches, where nothing makes sense, and victory is an illusion.
Ultimately, the Vahn community thrives on the philosophy of "maximum fun, minimum logic." If you’re looking for a place where traditional strategies collapse under sheer nonsense, welcome home.
Chapter 7: Conclusion – The Vahn Experience
Playing Vahn is not about winning. It’s about making everyone else lose harder. You are here to disrupt, confuse, and redefine what it means to "play correctly."

Remember:
  • Never plan. Planning is for cowards.
  • Embrace the glitch. If reality is stable, you’re not doing enough.
  • Confuse before you lose. If your opponents don’t know what’s happening, you’ve already won in spirit.
True mastery of Vahn means understanding that you are not bound by the same rules as other players. You exist outside the meta, outside reason, and often outside the map boundaries.

Those who fully commit to the Bongdeer mindset will find themselves at peace in the chaos. The Vahn experience is not just about playing a character; it’s about becoming the embodiment of unpredictability itself. If you play long enough, you won’t even remember what “normal” gameplay looks like.

So go forth, embrace the chaos, and make your mark as a true disciple of the Bongdeer Supreme. If you ever doubt yourself, just remember the golden rule of Vahn mains: “It’s only a bad strategy if it doesn’t work.”
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25 Comments
Maetti 19 May, 2021 @ 1:55am 
yeah
Thea Vanherst  [author] 21 Oct, 2017 @ 6:28am 
fuck off LeDragoX
LeDragoX 21 Oct, 2017 @ 5:06am 
Do what you want, life's yours, still don't agreeing because life's a beautiful thing that we need to care and enjoy :yuuji_ag:
LeDragoX 20 Oct, 2017 @ 1:07am 
I think killing yourself is the worst solution ever, who really have a problem need a treatment, if they suicide, they get a bad situation for others who lived with them and certainly go to hell
Thea Vanherst  [author] 24 Jul, 2017 @ 12:41pm 
like and subscribe
fastkiller74 29 Jun, 2017 @ 3:09pm 
get cucked u fag munchler
Thea Vanherst  [author] 29 Jun, 2017 @ 2:48pm 
you're all shit, get fucked cuckers
fastkiller74 1 Jun, 2017 @ 1:57am 
Good guide but your waifu is still shit
Blaze 15 May, 2017 @ 8:04am 
Good guide but your waifu is still a shit
Infinite Lemons 13 May, 2017 @ 8:28pm 
Great guide on factorio, really help me fix my trains XD