If you want to look important, you'll need a few things to start with:
1. Your parent(s) credit card
2. A Steam account with TF2
3. No moral obligations to hold you back

Once you have these 3 things, you're ready to start.

The first step to looking like a Pro is to setting up your profile!

Pick a username that's either made of symbols that slightly resemble english, just enough to make out a word or two, or use something to present your class main in an obvious and edgy manner, such as xXXProSniperQwikscopeXXx.

Now that you've got that out of the way, you need a profile pic.
You can be creative with this one, but I'd suggest you use either a poorly-made SFM poster that you get from an 'artist' on the TF2 Forums, or some sort of overused meme pic.

Finally, use the acquired credit card to your advantage. Buy cheap Unusuals and Australiums, even if you have a seperate one for every class, to make yourself look rich, powerful, and skilled. Unsuals and Aussies have a hidden stat of +300% intimidation when worn, so the more you can wear, the better. Make sure you have a Flaming Team Captain for maximum power.

Once you've done this, you're ready to start TF2!

Now you have the looks, so time to put them to work!

Start up your career with a good ctf_2fort, ctf_turbine, or if you're feeling really confident, plr_hightower. But make sure it's a Community server, not Casual. You'll be hitting Casual later. Before Casual, you have to assert yourself among the weak.

Once you've joined, you need to find some easy prey to start score-boosting. Look for friendlies, spycrabs, and F2P Noobs to dominate and kill repeatedly. The moment they cry out against you, say "It's a killing game, you're just winning cuz you have no skill lelz" and spam lenny binds. The more Salt they pour out, the more you know it's working properly. Once you've reached the top 3 of the scoreboard, it's time to break out the big guns: THE $10 MIC!

Before I continue, you must remember to choose a main. You will play this 95% of the time, so make sure it's the one you want to stick with. There are 3 mains to choose from, each with a distinct bonus and detriment to your quest of Pro-ness.

• Sniper: Easy to raise Salt levels, but makes you an easy target. Requires Lenny binds for max efficiency.
  
• Soldier: Easy to stomp enemies into a pulp, but harder to get anything other than 'Tryhard' out of peeps. Oh, but always have a medic.
  
• Scout: The middle ground, good murder level, good salt level, but you must paint all of your cosmetics either Lime or Pink. Otherwise, it won't work.

Start spamming your mic with low-quality insults and poke fun at anything they do. If one of them dares to kill you, immediately go Black Box + Conch soldier, get a medic to pocket you, and stomp them into the ground, calling them a noob along the way. In this world, it's survival of the fittest. If you don't assert yourself as the dominant predator, you will be the prey.

If they start a votekick at any point, disconnect if it you here a lot of agreeing votes. Then, just rejoin in 2 minutes and restart. Also, always cap the objective no matter what. Switch classes, throw insults, just make sure that you win. This strategy, however, is only for community servers.

Once you've made a name for yourself on several prominent community servers, you're ready to move up to Casual.

Now that you've made a name in Community servers as a symbol of fear, you're ready to move to what will be your home turf: Casual.

There are a few rules you must follow, however:
- Never help with the objective. Your mission is slaughter, nothing more, nothing less.
- Never switch teams if you're winning. Only losers go to the losing team. Sympathy is weakness.
- Lenny binds, taunt after every kill, and hog the medics. Do all of this.
- If someone calls you out, they must be a F2P Noob that is hating on you. Tell them 'get gud'.
- It isn't your fault that your team loses, it's your moron teammates. Make sure they know it.

Now, what you need to do is find opponents similar to Community servers, though they will be somewhat less abundant. Kill off any friendlies, spycrabs, traders, afks, and noobs that you see in order to boost your score. As always, insults and binds will work wonders. If someone tries to touch the objective on the enemy team, ignore them. Go for the ones that try to fight instead of win.

Don't be afraid of the myth called 'overextending'. The whole battlefield is YOUR territory, so you can kill people wherever you want, whenever you want. The more medics you can get on you, the better. They can handle themselves, however, so if they die, it's their fault for not dodging the crit rockets.

As said before, you will need a class main that you never switch off of, even if there's already 10 people of that class on your team.

Your strategy will be somewhat different depending on which of the 3 mains you take.

• Stand as far away from the action as you can while still being able to get easy kills across map
  
• Taunt after every kill, bodyshot or headshot alike
  
• Other snipers are your first target, don't let them breathe
  
• If you can beat them to their spawn door, never let them out, no matter what
  
• It isn't spawncamping, they just aren't good enough to fight their way out

• Keep at least one medic pocketing you at all times
  
• Once you know he's latched on, ignore him. He can defend himself
  
• If your medic dies and you take damage, strategic retreat. It's like running away, but manlier
  
• Wear a Flaming Team Captain at all times, no matter what

• Always attack heavies and soldiers. If they can't kill the fastest class, they just can't aim
  
• You don't have time to taunt after kills, so just use Lenny binds instead
  
• Use your most cancerous micspam for maximum Pro power
  
• The Crit-A-Cola is not cheap, don't fall for that trick

You've succesfully become a Pro TF2 Player.

Congratulations. Everyone hates you, you have no friends or allies, people try to kick you as soon as you join a game, and they all would prefer Keemstar over you, but you're at the top, so you're fine.

Thanks for reading, and leave comments/feedback down below!