I like it! Pretty good so far. Of course there are some stuff here and there that could be improved. But i like it so far. Keep going! :)

Originally posted by Marpet6135:

I like it! Pretty good so far. Of course there are some stuff here and there that could be improved. But i like it so far. Keep going! :)

Hey man, thanks for the feedback. Any improvements in particular spring to mind? It would be a great help.

the only problem that stands out for me atleast, its when you open the letter you recieve.its around line 350 if it helps. This should outright fix the issue,


apart from that it was an enjoyable read through, i look forward to what you come up with next

Originally posted by Euro:

n "It was printed on some formal template. window show n Dear [player_name]..."

the only problem that stands out for me atleast, its when you open the letter you recieve.its around line 350 if it helps. This should outright fix the issue,

m "It was printed on some formal template." window show n "Dear [player_name]..."

apart from that it was an enjoyable read through, i look forward to what you come up with next

Heh, looks like I was ahead of the curve for this one. Its already been gone and fixed. Thanks for keeping a sharp eye out though.

Hey, tried the mod and I really enjoyed what you have so far. The only major flaw I noticed is that in the main game, when the player thinks to himself, he says "I" instead of "You." Aside from that, there's only a few punctuation errors (It's instead of Its). Really interested in what else you have to show!

Originally posted by Wyguy:

Hey, tried the mod and I really enjoyed what you have so far. The only major flaw I noticed is that in the main game, when the player thinks to himself, he says "I" instead of "You." Aside from that, there's only a few punctuation errors (It's instead of Its). Really interested in what else you have to show!

Thanks for the feedback!
(Punctuation spree commences)

I think I'll post a small update fixing some of these small ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tonight.

Boink for small update. Get your fresh hot lack of broken here!

Great work so far. I'm really enjoying this.

Seriously, that flashback effect you did was just excellent. I may just steal borrow that with your permission. Also, if you're looking for custom sprites, feel free to use some of mine from my Aftermath mod (Just give credit plz) ;)

Originally posted by Shahky:

Great work so far. I'm really enjoying this.

Seriously, that flashback effect you did was just excellent. I may just steal borrow that with your permission. Also, if you're looking for custom sprites, feel free to use some of mine from my Aftermath mod (Just give credit plz) ;)

Steal away, I'm not watching.
Really like your own mod btw. I thought was quite well written.
Also free sprites? Yes. Just... yes. If I use, def will credit.

Woah, you work fast. Really enjoy the new additions (except for the unintentional cliffhanger when you accept or refuse, I died a little bit when that happened ) and honestly I could barely find any errors.

Originally posted by Wyguy:

Woah, you work fast. Really enjoy the new additions (except for the unintentional cliffhanger when you accept or refuse, I died a little bit when that happened :awswsebastian:) and honestly I could barely find any errors.

No droggo snugs 5 u!!
That menu wasn't for what you thought it was for, and now I have all your bank account information.
Ty for the support though!

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm glad to see more and more people take up modding for AwSW.
Your storytelling is pretty good, but you need to work on the technique and/or find a proofreader, since all the little details bring down an otherwise fun and enjoyable experience.
With starting words done, let's get down to some of the details. Sorry if it's a bit random, but I felt like writing down feedback live as I play was the most efficient way to not lose any info or details.

Symbols designations:
~ - personal opinion
* - correction required
! - important issue


And here we are. The Freefall mod test and review going live in just about... now.

0. ~ Well damn. My own mod broke the core game. Oops...
Let's fix this real quick. Done.

1. * It, it's and its usage could use some work. Don't mind me, it's just my personal pet peeve (along with their/there and you're/your).

2. ~ Maybe a bit too many line breaks in the opening narrative.

3. ~ The general sentense structure is a bit hard to grasp for me. Maybe it's because I'm not a native speaker. Idk.
It doesn't feel wrong or anything. Just kinda... rough.

4. ~ "You know how is..." I feel like there was supposed to be a word here.

5. * Paid not payed.

6. ! Line 117. Still uses "you" instead of "I" in the narrative.
Also line 120, 123 and 125.
And 133.
And 163...
Alright, just in general.

7. * You might want to check for typos like missing apostrophes, commas and whatnot.

8. ! I don't think your code checks if Lorem is alive.

9. ~! You might want to swap Lorem's and Adine's position at the scene around line 265. He doesn't have a proper flip with his postal bag which makes it look like he did a really quick shoulder switch.

10. * "How things?" Once again, I feel like some word is missing.

11. ! I think you need to capitalize both the title and the name when mentioning someone. Like King Richard.
http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000049.htm

12. ! Tense confusion at line 318.
Also it should be "I'd love to..." on line 323.

13. ~ A bit too many "anyway"s around the same area. And "each other"s.

14. * Tense confusion on line 342.

15. ~ I don't think "..." fits Emera's formal letter.

16. ~ Not sure how I feel about capitalizing words to make accents in dialogues.

17. ~ I like the flashback effect. Maybe make transitions a biiit longer though?

18. Line 479. Make it MC's thoughts rather than the narrative?

19. ~ A bit too many "I had better..."s.

Ok I think I won't touch the WIP part yet because I know all too well how messy those things can be so writing feedback on them isn't going to help anyone.
Anyway, here's what I think so far. Honestly, I am quite curious where this mod's story will go.

Originally posted by EvilChaosKnight:

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm glad to see more and more people take up modding for AwSW.
Your storytelling is pretty good, but you need to work on the technique and/or find a proofreader, since all the little details bring down an otherwise fun and enjoyable experience.
With starting words done, let's get down to some of the details. Sorry if it's a bit random, but I felt like writing down feedback live as I play was the most efficient way to not lose any info or details.

*Things go here*

Ok I think I won't touch the WIP part yet because I know all too well how messy those things can be so writing feedback on them isn't going to help anyone.
Anyway, here's what I think so far. Honestly, I am quite curious where this mod's story will go. :awswlorem:

Wow, thanks for the thorough review. In depth sure seems to be your thing! I't not being my main focus, I knew someone would be around to eventually give it the grammar thwacking. I'm glad it was you, though.

I agree with the 95% of the things you say. Especially replacing "you" with "I". To be honest, its probably the main reason for the rampant tense confusion issue I have.

Anyway, *loads machine gun*. C'mere lil scripty...

1: Dead. 2: Dead. 3: Not not being a native english speaker, I'm not quite sure what you mean. I'll keep it in mind regardless.
4: Dead. 5: Dead.

6: While going through and editing all this, It finally clicked what exactly I was doing wrong.
Guess I just wasn't used to writing from this kind of perspective.

7: *despair* 8: Oh damn your right. Thats actually quite an oversight
9: Grrr. 10: Actually, this is fine. 11: Dead. 12: Dead.
13: REEEEE Repeated words! Personal hatred!
14: Dead. 15: Oh Jeez, very dead. 16: Italics it is.
17: ... no. No you can live, and don't come to school tomorrow.
18: Not sure what you mean. Explain yourself, 18!!
19: Hmm... yeah OK that's fair.

Now see what you've done ECK? This blood is on your hands!

I also really enjoyed your mod. 10/10, holds current best AWSW mod award IMHO. Have this hot pink bucket of cement and respect as your prize.

I guess I had better go mow down part two as well before I continue writing more of it.

Cheers

Moooooore!

Yeah what Jeff said!