I have this Problem too :/

i think that u should have high renown to find a women. U can go to feast to find one (the guards will let u go in because of ur renown) or if ur renown is really high, like >1000, the women's family (for example father or brother) will eventually introduce her to u when u speak to them, and even hoping u to marry his daughter/sister. But maybe there is an effect of ur relation to the lords (if u are an enemy maybe it wont work) *sry for my bad english :)