Description: Cold winters and freezing to death outside, dont have enough money to pay the heating bills or just too lazy to turn it on? Well here is the solution to all of those problems, this will warm you and your friends nicely. You can also fry them alive if you feel like it.

Description: It's the middle of winter and you and your teammates are all stuck because of a little 'Frostbite' or whatever nonsense. The REAL question is: What are you gonna do about it, Frosty? Here's what you do: Ya grab our Winter Warmer, ya find some poor basta-we mean firewood, and ya light up said firewood. Now, we know the firewood MIGHT have a liking to screaming, but hey, atleast you and your teamates are warm. Also, if the firewood were to say "Still be moving" we recommend you re-burning it or hitting it with a axe, works every time.
(i saw this one in the comments and decided to add it myself real fast)

I really like the 2nd one.

Mmmm sizzle. Nuff

Your heater broken? Well don't worry! With this baby, you can warm up your entire family! Have an annoying neighbor? Burn their house down! Have an annoying team keeping you from completing a mision your boss sent you to complete? Teach them a lesson with the power of fire!

This hot gun is just so cool.
(How punderful) :P

Ever wanted a portable cozy, romantic fire-starter?! Warm up your friends! Curl up with a corpse next to the flames!
Did you know that human corpses can be used as firewood? Well, they can, and they'll help you continue roasting marshmallows over a twinkling flame with that special someone!

2nd one is the best one, but you should make it allitle shorter

Your ass cold? This will heat you a lot

ass

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