I have some ideas.

Okay, the guy who comes after you when you get artifacts is pedo jerry, his friend other black guy is ALSO pedo josh, and the guy who is in the dungeon is scary pete, and the mercs we got bomb fanatic tyler, and the rest of the gang, bob, billy, bob, and the round 2, we got bobby, macy, spy tf2, and tyler.2 and there is tyrone, ♥♥♥♥ tyrone

In reality, the player was just a guy in a crashed helicopter and all of the events are just a dream/fantasy before he completely loses consciousness and dies. The reason you die from pressing C is the damaged brain not being able to keep the dream "running" anymore and just giving up

no no ♥♥♥♥ you, we have pedo jerry and pedo josh

i want to spam but this is not discord

Steam Is A Family Friendly Place Engie. (Totally Not Lying Just Because I Dont like Swearing)

the hat of the guy with the mini is a real hat with real ♥♥♥♥, he has his own tiny own minigun
have some respect for the hat