MELEE WEAPONS:
- Goofy Goober Guitar
Primary: Swing, recovers fuel
Secondary (on ground) or do a 360 spin: Add bubbles to next swing
Secondary (crouching): Knee slide
Secondary (in air): Fly mode
Primary (fly mode): Flip patties
Reload/secondary: Disable mode

- Machete
Primary: Unoriginal melee swing
Secondary: Iaijutsu dash, deals damage to enemies astride you (if executed recently, will do only a primary swing and push you a short distance)

- Omni-Wrench 2999
Primary: Apply percussive maintenance
Hold to throw as a boomerang
Secondary (while readying): Lock on to enemy
Secondary: Hyper Swing

RAPID FIRE:
- Wazer Wifle
Primary: Automatic fire (piercing "laser" projectiles)
Secondary: Electrical burst, does more damage with more targets

- Bathtub Blaster
Primary: Shoot bouncing suds
Secondary: Charge up special attacks
Uncharged: 5X shot
Charged: Bath grenade
100% charge + Primary: Ride in a tub

- Ion Blaster
Primary: Accurate, fast shots
Secondary: Lock on to enemy
XMas Trumpet Blaster functions identically with an altered clip size and fires gift box projectiles.

- F.A.T.
Primary: Continuous fire
Secondary: Burst fire (x6)
Weapon has recoil that can lift the player.

- Liquid PTSD Sprayer
Primary: Close-range goop, may instill fear (when target is below 100 hp)
Secondary: Hurts all enemies on screen, but also damages you

- Pineapple Juice Rifle
Primary: Continuous stream
Secondary: Spread shot
Enemies hit by pineapple juice will be stunned, with Combine soldiers the most vulnerable.
Has a bespoke ammo gauge. The transparent bar represents reserve ammo from juicing pineapples.

BURST DAMAGE:
- Fidget Spinner
Primary: Throw it
Secondary: Spin it up (for higher velocity)
Ricochets off walls, can deal self-damage.

- Gun..?
Primary: Shoots a random projectile from the PTSD mod category. May be explosive (once per clip)
Secondary and reload function as Miss-ile Launcher when firing that projectile.

- XMas Gun?
Primary: Shoots a random bullet, may be poisonous.
Secondary: Cancel dramatic death animation

- Karabiner-98k
Primary: Single fire
Secondary: Aim down sights (increases damage)
Cannot be fired while sprinting

- Trench-Shock Cannon
Primary fire: Shrapnel shotgun blast
Secondary fire: Laser beam

EXPLOSIVES:
- Big Hecking Gun 2999
Primary: Fires a giant plasma ball with tracers.
Secondary: Oof, do we even need a secondary attack? (replicates DOOM's Silent BFG Trick)

- Unstable PTSD Core
Primary: Throw high
Secondary: Throw low
Reload: Cancel

- Hoverbomb Gun & Miss-ile Launcher
Primary: Fires a homing sticky bomb / four mini missiles
Secondary: Detonates all bombs
Reload: Cuts the engine on all flying bombs
Ammo counter: Currently ready sticky bombs

- Pineapple
Primary: Throw, bounces on the floor
Secondary: Roll on ground, bounces on walls
Reload: Cancel

TOOLS AND ODDITIES:
- Punt Gun
Primary: Activates certain objects and hacks machine enemies, or launches what you are holding.
Secondary: Gravity gun, pull in and hold props

- Punt-ished Gun
Primary: Shoots a trap, or launches what you are holding.
Hold for a trigger volume that can set off the trap.
Secondary: (Supercharged) Gravity gun, pull in and hold props.
Supresses trap shooting.
Reload: Dispel trap and trigger.

- Science Man Launcher
Primary: Launch a fellow, prone, scientist
Secondary: Launch a fellow, upright, scientist
Reload: Remove scientist ragdoll

- Magnum Shot Dong
Primary: Fire props from your inventory
Secondary: Gravity gun, sucks up props to fire (Max mass: 75kg)
Reload: Shuffle prop inventory order

- Stahp! Gun
Primary: Freeze your subject for a short time
Secondary: Freeze subjects in a radius
Reload: Unfreeze your subject

- Teleport Gun
Primary: Warp to where your projectile lands
Secondary: Stop the teleport projectile
Reload: For when you are stuck after teleporting (try crouching first)