You download another one of ChimiChamo's Talker Things mod, and think to yourself "neat, a Scenario Join Lines Fix. Probably won't ever notice it in-game but whatever." Thinking nothing of it, you start filming a solo expert realism challenge video for your YouTube channel. The map is eerily empty this time, almost as if someone stopped the director in the console. You progress further, unnerved, before you hear the illusive Coach Left 4 Dead 2 say this chilling line "ayy, I'm here."

This is strange because the map is No Mercy, so no L4D2 survivors should be here at all. As his scenariojoin04.wav voice line echos throughout the subway tunnel, you look in horror as a clearly discernible Coach blue outline at the other end of the map starts to approach you at about five times survivor speed. The outline becomes a bloodshot hyper realistic red color as he approaches ever so closer, before fading away altogether about 3/4ths to your location.

Your trusty Chiyo Chan Azumanga Daioh Silenced SMG in hand, you back up towards the safety of the saferoom. Whilst inside the saferoom, you crouch walk into the dark bathroom located in there and close the wooden door, hidden from the coach menace... or... perhaps not... For you hear the saferoom door swing open and walking footsteps enter. You hear heavybreathing02.wav on the left of your headphones as he seemingly stalks the inside of your saferoom. Coach even mutters to himself "this room looks safe™" as he inches closer to the bathroom.

His outline appears again just on the other side of the door with his hands at his side, the same bloodshot hyper realistic red color as you had seen it earlier. With over a decade of Left 4 Dead 2 experience, you are able to deduce that the pose he is doing is the one where he has one pistol. As you admire Valve's craftsmanship of unique discernible silhouettes, you feel your skin crawl as you're put right back into the moment. The bathroom door swings open, but what you see will scar you for the rest of your life. It is by far the most high poly hyper realistic Coach model you have ever seen... no no, it's as if Darnell Rice, face actor of Coach, was standing right before you in real life. That's how real he looked, hyper real, even.

As you are frozen in fear in your $130 GT890 Series: Premium Edition (with footrest), he walks up to your modded anime girl survivor's face (and by extension your monitor POV) and stands there for a brief time. Within this time, you notice that he has bloodshot hyper realistic eyes. Before long, he opens his bloody chapped lips and says "ayy, I'm here" before screaming at 100+ decibels. A diabolical screech so loud it made the Dead Center intro helicopter sound like a whisper in comparison. The game crashes and you witness your own mouse uninstall L4D2 like a macro before your very eyes.