10/31/2022 -- 12:00am

It has been over nine years since that fateful day, the day when I stumbled onto a cursed Steam Workshop Item that altered the course of my life...

Against all odds, I survived that dreadful encounter and have managed to resist the curse that it has inflicted upon me ever since, albeit much to the detriment of my sanity. Yes, those lucid nightmares still plague me to this very day, and the fiend known as Madcap Scout continues to haunt me in my sleep.
However, in a twist of fate which I can only attribute to divine providence, I have managed to fend of the fiend's relentless assault night after night.

I had hoped that Valve would deal with this creature themselves, as I had believed at the time that a Valve Rocket Launcher would make short work of it, but in typical Valve fashion, they merely rejected the Workshop submission and called it a day. Unfortunately, that obviously hasn't stopped the fiend, as it was already present in the game and the curse remains unbroken, so I was forced to take matters into my own hands...

I've spent the past nine years attempting to learn more about Madcap Scout, where it came from, what its motives are, where it might be encountered in-game or how it might be summoned... Unfortunately, to this very day much about the Madcap Scout remains shrouded in mystery, but I have uncovered a few critical details about the creature.

Madcap Scout is a hybrid between a curse, a computer virus, and an program error or glitch. How precisely it came into being remains unknown, but I have a theory... I belive that Madcap Scout is the manifestation of chaos and negativity evoked by internet trolls. This is going to sound crazy — and I cannot rule out the possibility that this is indeed nothing more than a delusion of my addled mind — but I believe that many internet trolls do the terrible things that they do because they are being spiritually manipulated by demonic forces, used as puppets to spread chaos, misery, and despair all over the world in the most efficient way possible, by using technology that was designed to bring people closer together to drive them further apart. By whispering into the ears of corrupted and tormented souls all over the world who so strongly desire recognition that in their desperation they'll attempt to gain it by any means necessary — regardless of how depraved and wicked they may be — entities such as Madcap Scout are brought into being.
Yeah, I know it sounds absurd, but you know how the old saying goes? "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." — Charles Baudelaire

At first I believed that it was hopeless, that nobody but Valve could possibly stop this creature, but then I had an epiphany... Who's to say that I couldn't craft my own weapons to combat the creature? If it is truly of demonic origins then technically the means to create weapons capable of defeating him already exist in-game! Namely, Festive Weapons and Exorcism Spells. With that and faith, surely this accursed creature can be felled, it can be beaten!
So over the past several years I have been experimenting... Building up an arsenal of Festive Weapons with Exorcism Spells attached along with my faith. Although admittedly, I have struggled with doubt, and much to my great shame, I confess that I have put off facing Madcap Scout in a final confrontation for the past 7 years. However, in hindsight it was for the best, I never could have hoped to overcome Madcap Scout without faith. A mere mortal man never could have vanquished an unholy creature on his own without divine assistance, much less the mere shadow of a man that I have become, but through faith I have conquered my doubt, I have conquered my fear, and with God as my witness, I will conquer this digital demon!

The preparations are already complete, I've got the tools and the talent, now all that is left for me to do is confront the creature, and at last, I know how to do it! I always thought that in order to defeat Madcap Scout, I had to find him and defeat him in Team Fortress 2, but it turns out that I've been battling Madcap Scout all along, every night on the astral plane... They're more than just lucid nightmares, they're outright spiritual warfare.
I am about to embark on my final confrontation with Madcap Scout. I shall say my prayers and rest my body as my spirit does battle. I shall return tomorrow, with news of my great victory!

10/31/2022 -- 12:00pm

The battle has concluded, but I've paid the price for my pride and have been humbled by the whole ordeal. I went marching in half-♥♥♥♥♥♥, thinking that it would be easy, that I was in control and that the creature would be vanquished effortlessly, only to find that myself unprepared for what the devious Madcap Scout as they had prepared for me.

I made a mistake posting my plans before bed, I should have expected that an entity which inhabits cyberspace as well as the astral plain would have spotted my post and prepared countermeasures. It caught me completely off guard when I drifted off to sleep with expectations of some epic battle taking place within some cosmic void, only to find myself right back in that same midnight variation of 2Fort, in the role of my old class main the Pyro, only this time I wasn't just playing a game, seated comfortably in my gaming chair with headphones on and my hands on a Keyboard and Mouse, separated from the virtual reality of the game by a computer monitor.
On the contrary, it wasn't a game at all. In fact, it took me a moment to recognize where I was when I found myself sitting on a bench inside of a locker room enclosed by a large metal shutter with wooden selves and cubby holes filled with an assortment of personal effects, a metal cabinet against the wall filled with bandages, painkillers, antiseptic, as well as various types of ammunition which under ordinary circumstances definitely would not have been stored together, and seeing it all through the lenses of a rubber gas mask.

Having recognized the situation that I was in quickly stripped away every ounce of bravado I had mere moments early as I was in the otherwise safe and comfortable atmosphere of my bed. No longer did I feel the softness of cotton sheets and the warmth of a blanket upon my skin, but the discomfort of being clad in a heavy, flame-retardant suit. No longer was my head resting against a soft pillow, but encased within a rubber gas mask.

Quickly I came to realize that this recreation of the in-game world wasn't quite the same as it was in ordinary gameplay, having to feel the weight of the suit, the oxygen tank strapped to my back, and how they impeded my movement as I approached the wooden shelves which lined the walls in search of my weapons, the lens of the mask fogging up with every deep breath that I took out of necessity to pull in air through the filter of that mask, and finally the massive weight of the Pyro's makeshift flamethrower made of an assortment of parts, including the heavy propane tank which served as its fuel source.
Between the weight of everything I was carrying and the conscious effort that it too breathe through the filter of the gas mask, there was no way that I would ever be able to even jog, much less run like the Pyro could in-game.

Fortunately, I found my full loadout of weapons waiting for me against the wall, all of the carefully prepared weapons that I had painstakingly assembled in anticipation for this confrontation back when I still believed that it would take place in-game were there. The Rainblower with the bright blue sheen of the Professional Killstreak Kit which had been applied to it running smoothly against the surface of its polished brass pipes, the Exorcism Spell which had been applied to it visually represented by a Bible Verse which had been engraved on the base of the center pipe were it connected with the handle; "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. — Psalms 23:4"
The Festivized Scorch Shot and Powerjack which made up my secondry and melee weapons similarly adorned with the killstreak sheen on their surface as well as the engraved verse which served as a visual representation for the Exorcism Spells which had been applied to them.

As I lifted the Rainblower from the shelf, I was relieved to discover that it weighed less than the stock Flamethrower, finding myself feeling suddenly grateful that I had chosen it as my primary weapon over the Botkiller Flamethrower all those years ago, eventhough the weight of the weapon had never been a concern that factored into the decision.
The Scorch Shot was unsurprisingly extremely lightweight, given its small size and primarily plastic construction.
Unfortunately, but not unexpectedly, the Powerjack was the heaviest of the lot, which left me doubting that it still possessed the in-game benefit of increased movement speed while active.

Suddenly, I was hit with the realization that I was facing a dilemma... How exactly was I supposed to carry it all? There were no straps, sheaths, or holsters on the Pyro's suit to carry his entire loadout. After all, in-game they just sort of disappeared until they were called upon, drawn out of thin air, but it was already evident that this nightmare was a more realistic interpretation of the game.
Then it hit me; "Just take the suit off!" It's not like having a gas mask or a flame-retardant suit would aid me in a fight against the Scout, but as soon as reached up to remove the mask, I realized that I couldn't get it off. It was fitted so tightly to my head and made of such trick, inflexible rubber that I couldn't pull it off! Fighting the urge to panic, I reached down in search of a seam or a zipper which would allow me to remove the suit, but couldn't find one. Of course it couldn't be that easy.

As if to add to my newfound fear and frustration, suddenly an all-too-familiar voice came echoing from the other side of the shutters which separated the spawn room from the room outside. Garbled and digitized, but clear enough to make out.
"Need a Dispenser here! Need a Dispenser here! Need a Dispenser here!"

Madcap Scout was just outside, taunting me, provoking me to come out and face it before I was ready. I was in its world now, forced to play by its rules, and it had me right where it wanted me, frustrated, anxious, unprepared, off balance, and very much afraid.

The taunts continued to echo from the other side of the gate as I struggled to think of a means with which to carry all of my weapons, my eyes darting around the room for anything I could use to tote the weapons, landing on the small purse which presumably belonged to the Pyro. I snatched it from the cubby hole above the spare Pyro's suit, dumped out its contents which included a tube of lipstick, a compact mirror, a pack of Marlboro Cigarettes, and a Zippo lighter, then slinging it over my shoulder and tucking the Scorch Shot inside.
Next I grabbed the Heavy's bandoleer, dumping out the oversized cartridges, slinging it across my shoulders, and tucking in the Powerjack.

Fuelled by blind rage which had built up inside me from Madcap Scouts repeated taunts, I hastily drew the Scorch Shot from its improvized holster, and leaving the Rainblower resting upon the bench, I walked to the spawn shutter which slid open automatically, pointed the Scorch Shot at Madcap Scout, and pulled the trigger as I shouted at the accused creature in my fury.
I'd like to tell you that I made some clever quip here, but alas, when I get upset, all words have a tendency to fail me, with any hint of eloquence replaced by a string of random obscenities which scarely even go together, and in hindsight, I really cannot even recall exactly what assortment of curse words came out of my mouth in the heat of the moment, but just as well, they'd all be censored if posted here regardless.

The flare struck Madcap Scout in the midsection -- a bit higher than where my point of aim had been in my fury -- an impressive feat considering that the Scorch Shot has no sights, and in this realistic environment I had no crosshairs in my field of vision to help me aim.
Madcap Scout's jaw dropped open as the shot landed, a mixture of disbelief and fear painted upon the youthful face of a young man in his early twenties as he was knocked backwards and his clothing burst into flames, with the silly oversized vest and helmet he wore being burned to ashes in an instant as if they were made of paper. I'm not sure what shocked him more, the sight of me suddenly coming out the gate shouting obscenities at him when he expected me to be terrified or the fact that he had been shot with a flare and set ablaze by weapons he expected to be ineffective against him.

"FYAH! FYAH! FYAH!" He shouted as he ran swiftly round the corner towards the battlements, now fully engulfed in flames.

Still infuriated by Madcap Scout's taunts and shamefully delighted by his cries of fear and agony after all the years of torment he had put me through, I thoughtlessly dropped the Scorch Shot, drew the Powerjack, and with a burst of speed which cast aside all doubt that it maintained its in-game ability to increase movement speed while active, I followed him around the corner which lead to the battlements just in time to see him drop over the edge, land on the ground below, then dive headfirst into the waters below as the orange light which radiated from his burning form was suddenly extinguished, leaving the once brightly illuminated area shrouded in darkness.

Fortunately, I returned to my senses just as I was about to recklessly jump off the battlements after him, armed only with the Powerjack. All at once it had occurred to me just how much of a bad idea it would have been for me to have leapt over the edge onto the ground below while wearing that heavy suit, much less trying to swim in it.

I returned to the Spawn room, retrieving my previously discarded Scorch Shot from the floor outside, followed by the Rainblower I had left sitting on the bench. I thought of rushing downstairs into the sewers after him, but fortunately caution got the better of me. The Scorch Shot alone had clearly hurt Madcap Scout quite badly, he was wounded, no longer invulnerable, and most likely lying in wait to ambush me.

I approached the sewers cautiously, slowly descending the stairs which lead into the darkened courtyard, the way only partially illuminated by the lone lighting fixture at the top of the stairs, walking down the long hallway in pitch darkness, wishing that I had kept the Zippo that had been inside the Pyro's purse as I improvized by using puffs of flame from the Rainblower to light the way.
"Oh well, at least Madcap Scout will think twice about trying to ambush me in the dark while I'm doing this..." I thought to myself.

I found myself falling into old habits as I made my way to the sewers in darkness, sending short bursts of flame into the corners as if a Cloaked Spy might be hiding there. It was a chilling thought that it might not just be the two of us here, but I couldn't dismiss the possibility that he had backup from God only knows what.

By the time that I had made it to the stairs, I was relieved to discover that the lights in the sewer were working, so I wouldn't have to continue wasting precious ammo to light my way in the dark.
However, as I rounded the corner down the stairs into the sewer, I suddenly suffered a stunning blow to the head. A baseball came out of nowhere, striking me directly in the right lens of the gas mask, shattering it in the process. Fortunately, I had closed my eye on reflex fast enough to prevent me from getting any bits of glass into it, but as the shards of glass fell into the mask they had cut my cheek open. I felt the sting of the open wound, the warmth of fresh blood as it poured down my cheek.

I regained my senses just in time to see him, Madcap Scout standing on the platform at the end of the sewer, horribly burned, but still upright, his arm jerked forward as he flung a Flying Guillotine directly towards me, the meat cleaver flipping end over end in the air as I turned to face it.
I pulled a secondary trigger on the handle of the Rainblower, sending out a blast of compressed air just in time to reflect it. The cleaver was driven backwards by the blast of air, but unlike in the game it didn't fly straight back into Scout as I had hoped it would. In stead, it just got blasted back a few feet before plopping into the water.

Suddenly Madcap Scout came running down the tunnel straight towards me, Scattergun in hand. I dropped the Rainblower to the ground and drew the Scorch Shot, pulled back the hammer, took quick aim, and pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. In my haste, I had forgotten to reload it after retrieving it, and now it was too late to do so.
In the time it had taken me to draw and attempt to fire the Scorch Shot, Madcap Scout was already more than halfway up the tunnel. The Scattergun went off with a loud bang which echoed inside the walls of the tunnel as I felt the buckshot tear into my right arm, instantly shredding and disabling it at it dropped limp at my side, and the shattered remains of the Scorch Shot slipped from my broken hand into the ankle-high water below.

Madcap Scout began cackling in triump as he closed the gap between us, poised to deliver a final decisive blast directly into my torso, his digitized hysterical laughter echoing all around him.

Just as I was about to accept defeat and close my eyes as I awaited the killing blow. I was suddenly striken by what I can only describe as a bolt of divine inspiration, and turned on my heel 180°, facing away from my accursed adversary. I heard the Scattergun go off, felt the tremendous blast strike me in the back as the oxygen tank burst open, sending me facefirst into the water at the bottom of the stairs.

For a moment, I lie there motionless, thinking that I was finished, until I realized that I could still move. I pushed myself upright with my left arm, my legs shaking beneath me as I rose, my ears ringing and my whole body aching from the blast.
I turned around to find Madcap Scout lying in a heap in the water behind me. Apparently, he had taken the brunt of the explosive force when the oxygen tank burst open. His body twitched and crimson bubbles rose from the surface of the water around his submerged head before he began to force himself upright.

I saw his horrible ruined face — or at least what was left of it — as he rose from the water, then spun around as quickly as I could, my muscles and bones alike aching in protest as my legs gave way beneath me mid-turn and I collapsed painfully onto the stairs on my back. I gripped the handle of Rainbower with my left hand, hoisted it upright out of the water, then propped it up onto one knee as Madcap Scout rose to his feet.
I squeezed the handle sending a jet of bright green flame directly into him, his broken body lit up like a bonfire as the flames touched him, and a terrible digitized screech erupted from his gaping maw as the flames consumed him.

Madcap Scout collapsed writhing into the ankle-deep water below, but in my terror I continued to grip the handle tightly until the Rainblower ran dry. His body was completely roasted, leaving only scorched bone and flesh that had been burned to a blackened crisp behind.
Certain that he had been defeated, I lay my head down and closed my eyes, emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted by the nightmare which had begun to fade away around me.

Suddenly my pain had vanished completely, the feeling of the cold concrete stairs that I lay upon replaced by the comfortable feeling of a soft mattress, warm blankets, and the pillow beneath my head.

At last, the nightmare is over, the monster is defeated and the curse is broken. However, the victory is only bittersweet with the knowledge that the wickedness which created Madcap Scout in the first place still exists in this world, and as long as people exist who blindly heed the whispers of the devil in their ears, allowing themselves to be used as a means to spread chaos and misery via the worldwide web, evil spirits like Madcap Scout will thrive.
So heed my words instead. Think twice about the words you say to others, how you treat them, and be mindful of the emotional impact that your actions might have. Strive to become more than the sum of your earthly parts by growing in spirit, lest you fall prey to the forces of darkness.