Active on purchase

Pros
+1 iPhone 5 (upgrade if an iPhone is already in possession)
-100% price reduction on newest YEEEZY
+100% chance for all food to be [ B ]oneless

Cons
-95% patience
+100% chance of trash rapper to gain your iPhone number and call you
-100% meat, cheese, and vegetables on all food
-100% Crash Bandicoot related comments

P.S. On a serious note, this looks pretty cool. It's weird how no one else thought of this. It's a shame people drowned this in memes........................I'll see myself out.