It seems my return coincided with the passing of a king. I'll miss you dude, but you deserve better than to hang around here with all this; go do better for yourself man.

I'm homiesexual

Go to a Sporting Goods store in America, I shit you not we sell .556 chambered rifles on the same shelves as soccer balls and Powerade.

Originally posted by Olive:

Originally posted by sweaty 9 year old:

if i see one more cock, i swear im gonna chop my cock off

cock

If you cut off you cock and suck it does that make you gay?

Chapter two: Halloween boogaloo
>Be me
>Be Holloween
>About 30 or so people screenshotted my address after it was posted publicly
>Basically nothing I can do to stop people from showing up
>Thankfully my mother was out of town at the time
>Stepdad was still around, but he didn’t really care as long as the house stayed standing
>Me, Mod, and a third mutual friend of mine make several trips back and forth from costco to buy enough supplies to ensure the partiers don’t burn my fucking house down
>Paid for everything because I’m easily manipulated
>Pitch a tent in the front yard and set up a campfire pit outside, my plan was to have Mod and other friend run the show and just sneak back into my tent to watch Netflix on my phone and not interact with people
>Told my friends it was the sex tent to keep them out
>People start showing up around 7 in droves
>Girls are showing up too
>Most of them are in costume, I went as the best costume I could homemake without going bald, Afro Samurai
>Looking back, I wish I had just gone with Pepsi man again
>Don’t even know half of these guys but whatever
>Mod whips out the alcohol at the first sign of stacys
>Trick or treaters are skipping our house now
>Things are getting out of control fast
>fire + booze = chaos
>A little bit of backstory, Mod likes to fight people
>Like, street fighting and shit like that
>He’s not particularly good at it, but the same goes for his opponents
>Mod has asked to fight me for no particular reason on multiple occasions
>I’m not really an aggressive person, so I’ve turned him down every time even though he constantly asks me about it
>Side note, I’m 6’5 and spend 3 hours of my day 6 days a week working out on an intensity level that would literally kill, Mod has over 4000 hours in apex legends and quite literally refuses to go outside because sunlight is cringe
>He also lives on, I shit you not, 3 to 4 packs of cup noodles a day and rarely anything else
>He actually brags about his lifestyle choices to us
>Anyways, while my lawn is on the verge of burning down because some retards are chasing each other with flaming sticks playing freeze tag, I give Mod ONE SINGLE RULE
>Don’t fight anyone at this party, please
>”Sure Jody, I gotchu”
>Go inside to take a leak
>Come back outside to see a circle gathered around the street like the hunger games
>It’s Mod fucking fighting a kid in the middle of the street
>Looks like a drunken squid trying to throw imaginary snowballs
>Mod lands a hit on the fat dude he’s fighting and everyone goes OHHHHHHHHH like the iCarly laugh track sample except based boosted and recorded in front of a live studio audience of shortbus passengers
>Take Mod aside
>Browtfyouhadlikeonejob.mp3
>Relaxbrolossenupabit
>He’s clearly drunk
>Everyone is clearly drunk
>Girls proposed we play spin the bottle
>I’m not in the mood
>Me and a few of some actually cool guys who showed up go into the street instead and sword fight with some lightsabers I found in my garage like a bunch of reddit autists
>Most fun I had the whole night
>Everyone pissed at us because the girls canceled the game due to us not wanting anything to do with the game
>People are retreating to the school across the street from my house to go smoke weed and hookup in only the most private of places, germ ridden elementary school playground equipment
>Some drunkards are driving off in their cars, one even clips a stop sign and drives off
>Mod and other friend leave to go across the street and join the after party
>I’m alone again, in what looks like a late-game battlefield 2042 map post tornado
>Melted plastic a booze are everywhere
>Fuckmynight.exe
>Douse the fire in water
>Me and some guy dressed as Jake from State Farm retreat back to the sex tent and binge watch the first 12 episodes of Vinland Saga
>Eventually say goodnight to Jake from State Farm, roll over in my sleeping bag and pass out
>No idea what happened to everyone else that night, but Vinland Saga was a true masterpiece for those interested
>Woke up in the morning to find Jake from State Farm was gone
>Mod was complaining about his night while at the same time bragging about all the phone numbers he got
>Asked around with the contacts I had, still don’t know who Jake from State Farm actually was
>If your still out there, I miss you bro
>The cleanup took over a day, considering I was the only one who actually cleaned up
>Fast forward to the week before christmas
>A lot of travel restrictions and a handful of other things made our usual annual trip back to New York around the holiday season impossible
>Skiing is basically one of my favorite things of all time, my mother, bless her heart, decides to buy drive the two of us up to Snowshoe West Virginia
>For my non-skiers in the chat, Snowshoe is basically the only non shit place you can go if you live in the southeast region of the us without getting on a plane, which was impossible at the moment
>Excitedly telling some of my bros over Discord how I’m going to be going skiing in a few days and stuff
>Mod sees my post
>Replies, “Cool, can I come?”
>3 days later, he’s in my driveway with his gaming DESKTOP in his duffel bag and no winter clothes
>>To be continued, tomorrow or whenever I feel like it. But probably tomorrow, it’s not like I have much else to do with my free time; and posting here is slightly better than shouting into the void.

See you tomorrow.

Originally posted by Phreya™:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vr9xPqGD8o

Fr tho, you certainly loves her dearly. It's normal to be upset and feeling a bit empty after a break up. Hope writing down your feelings and letting them out makes you feel better.

Still, you're a fucking retard for falling to that scam smh my head.

I also want to congratulate you on getting laid, but unfortunately sex bad. >:(

Thanks bro it really does, and yes I'm aware I'm critically retarded. Never actually been scammed before and I'm generally a pretty naive and gullible person. Also, I think I've regained my virginity from being to active on Discord.

More content soon

I walked into a Hot Topic once and took a sewer clogging shit in their toilet before leaving without buying anything. I have no remorse

Originally posted by monster drinking crackhead:

Originally posted by Not_Default:

Death does not bind me, for I have a 100% survival rate thus far. If you go by the statistics, I am immortal.

It's been a minute, thank you for remembering me but I'm back from the dead now. New content coming soon, I have A LOT to talk about.

holy

Good to see you all again

What’s good my fellow retards, gather around the campfire for this one. It's been a while, and I got some stories I want to vent onto all of you for old times sake. Grab a beer, grab a soda, grab your body pillow, and snuggle in tight; this one taxes my soul on the daily, and now you have to suffer with me.



>Be me (god it feels so good to start my stories with that again)
>Be a few months back
>My faggot ass is browsing the toxic wasteland that is Discord
>New message
>Some asshat named fox or whatever tells me I’m looked out of my account
>I, in my brilliant retardation, eventually give him my auth code (I am retarded)
>Get Steam account nae naed
>Tell my friends I got token logged out of embarrassment
>To embarrassed to even file a customer service ticket till a few weeks back
>Went 4 entire months without vidaya
>Why am I this mentally challenged
>mfw

So that’s why I haven’t been here for several months, sorry about that. As for the rest of the quarantine, I was preoccupied with athletics/academics (ended up getting state champion in my division, finished the year with mostly Bs), a real live girlfriend (She broke up with me a few months back)m and attempting to write the first draft of a book (Going rather well, all things considered.)

But that’s not the story I wanted to tell, the story I’m here to tell you about is about friends, maturity, and the pain of growing apart from your closest ally. By far my longest greentext, only for those looking for a novela to read in a lazy afternoon. Seriously, this is half a dozen pages in google docs. Proceed with caution.

>Be me
>Start of school year
>Been dating a girl way out of my league for almost a year now
>Don’t really spend as much time online and such, more invested in the real world and learning to appreciate the little things
>New creative writing professor, love the class and getting better at what I love every day
>Don’t have a job, but make a few bucks doing book reports for about 2/3rds of my senior comp class, just enough to Uber over to my gfs house most weekends
>By some divine miracle actually smash a few dozen times
>Still find time to hang out with the boys pretty consistently
>Never had any drama with anyone at school/have a good reputation
>Teachers think I’m funny and kind, they leave me in charge of the class because they know I don’t start shit and keep people calm, they like me
>Classmates think I’m smart and reliable, kids come to me when they need something done or strings pulled, they like me
>Team captain of the Cross Country team and the Track and Field squad, most of the school records are in my name
>Godfather of the school
>Gigachad of the athletics
>Just like elementary school, for those of you who remember my older stories
>Finally climbed my way back up through the ranks, finally back in the saddle where I belong
>People know my name and more importantly respect me
>Life is good
>Life is perfect
>To perfect
>Ultranightmare.webm
>Friend group invites gf into group Discord server
>She joins, but doesn't really understand their sense of humor so mostly just lurks
>Don’t want to be caught in the act doing my usual deed of shitposting and have to explain that I’m not actually a violent political extremist every time I post something on that server, so I tone it down and mostly just stick to small talk in #general
>Best friend is on server, let's just call him Mod for the rest of this story
>Mod tells me he wants me to be more active on the server like I used to be, and tells me I’m becoming a simp
>”Mod, I’m still active on this server I just don’t want to post the type of memes in general that y’all normally laugh at, gf is sometimes on here, I don’t want to offend her.”
>”So your choosing her over us?”
>”I’m not choosing anyone, I value my relationship with my gf and don’t want to do anything to damage that. Look bro, I’m still active in VC with you, we played Apex Legends for like 4 hours yesterday. What do you want me to say?”
>Called me a simp then left
>Told people about our conversation in #general
>It’s all anyone could talk about in the fucking chat
>Just didn’t join the conversation, felt to weird about it and don’t like talking about people behind their backs
>Fast forward to next day
>Text message from gf
>”Can we talk today?”
>shitfuckshitfuckshitfuck
>”Sure, see you soon”
>Meet her later that morning sitting on a park bench like in the movies
>”Jody(I think we’ve graduated from using Anon at this point, this story is to personal), I think we should take a break from each other.”
>Badending.gif
>This is the moment where I’m supposed to say something, not even to change her mind, or to epic sigma male own her, or just literally anything except just stand there like a depressed zombie.
>”I like you, but I don’t want to slow you down in your senior year when our lives are heading down dramatically different paths.”
>Talks a bit about college, and getting back together later and stuff, and keeping in touch and still being friends and yadadadada y’all probably already familiar with all this shit, spares me ripping off that band-aid again
>Mostly just nod my head while she's talking, I can’t find my normal positivity under my fake neutral smile at the moment
>We sit around and chat back and forth about our weeks, what teachers we hate, which kids we can’t stand, cool music where listening to, and stuff like we always do when we come here just to chat and chill
>Almost forgot we were breaking up for a moment, got excited and made plans to go drive down to the Vietnamese place for lunch in a bit, something we did often
>”Jody…”
>Oh right
>I forgot again
>”Uhhh, my bad.”
>”It’s alright.”
>We sat in silence for a bit
>”So uhhh, I should probably…”
>”Yeah, me too.”
>We both stand up at the same time, she awkwardly waves and walks away to her car
>I parked in the same direction
>Panic.iwanttodie
>Fuck it, I’m already dying inside, I can’t be killed twice
>Walk up behind her and give her a massive bear hug, half expecting to be suplexed into the pavement
>whatdoidowhatdoidowhatdoisay
>So much is going through my head I feel like it’s going to explode
>Don’t leave me, I don’t want this, I miss you already, all the success I’ve had in my life in the past year is thanks to the mental stability and emotional comfort you provided me without asking anything in return, I owe you so much for everything, I left my hoodie and an Xbox controller at your place, your brother is one of my best friends and I don’t want to lose him to, just everything
>”I love you”
>Cringe from like 8 different emotions making my head hurt, also it was just cringy to say out of the blue
>Turns around and hugs me back
>Squeezes so hard I can feel her nails indenting my skin through the back of my shirt
>”I love you too”
>Stay like that for almost a minute before she says she’ll keep in touch, and goes back to her car
>I sit back down on the bench and wait for her car to pull out
>I’m super proud of this next part
>Cry my eyes out in the middle of a public park till I physically can’t find the energy to anymore
>Have no drive to get up and go home, parents call me a few times to ask why I’m not home yet and I just tell them I need some time to myself before shutting it off entirely
>Sit on that bench and wallow in my misery until the sun sets and a sanitation worker kicks me out
>Drive home, parents ask me if I was with gf, tell them we aren't really seeing each other anymore
>”Awww I’m sorry to hear that, maybe because…”
>”Mom, I really don’t want to talk about this right now”
>Go to bed
>Can’t fall asleep
>Turn on phone and check Discord
>Go to friends server
>gf left at the end of the day
>1 new ping
>It’s from Mod
>”Lol are you and gf still dating?”
>Remove case from my phone and take the battery out, I won’t be turning it on for at least a full day
>Turn on my computer
>Look at my tower pc
>See an envelope with a heart taped to it
>mfw it’s the valentines day card she made me ages ago, taped it there ages ago so I’d see it pretty much everyday
>Opened it to a piece of small wood canvas, with a hand painted boy and girl silhouette relaxing under a starry night sky together, a note written on the back
>Surge of mixed emotions, resist the urge to destroy my gaming setup, don’t have the money to replace my goodwill foraged pc parts
>Don’t read the note, I think I would probably go full retard if I had,
>Just put my head down and cry again.
>Fall asleep in a puddle of salty tears using my keyboard as a sponge
>School next week
>Still friends with Mod and his group
>Still have my reputation to keep up
>Endless weight of constant responsibility and extreme expectation is actually quite difficult without an emotional anchor, turns out
>Cruising through class, sports, and social on autopilot
>Fast forward a few months to a day before Halloween
>Talking with Mod over Discord about something
>He mentions how he wanted to hang out for Halloween
>Yeahsurethatsoundsfine
>He goes on Snapchat and posts a public invitation to my “wild house party” complete with my home address on his public story
>300+ retards who actually still use Snap see it in the first 60 seconds alone
Almost 1K people view the fucking invite
>>>To be continued. I’ve been working on this for about an hour now and I should probably take a break, see you tomorrow and it’s good to be back.

Also, quick side note, I apologize for this being a departure from my typical le epic funni style of storytelling. This was a lot more raw and un funnied then anything I've posted to a message board full of autists, but I've been here for a long minute and feel like you guys deserved to see the human side of me; sorry if this isin't your cup of tea.

The next few parts of this story won't be nearly as somber in tone, but aren't really humor based in nature and serve more to tell a tale of my misadventures throughout my senior year of highschool. Bear with me, the old stories are coming back, I just have this one last tale to tell before I do so. Promise you it has a goodish ending, somewhat. Thanks for reading

Death does not bind me, for I have a 100% survival rate thus far. If you go by the statistics, I am immortal.

It's been a minute, thank you for remembering me but I'm back from the dead now. New content coming soon, I have A LOT to talk about.