Recent reviews by ASPARTAME .ᐟ

I have not regretted any of my life decisions except for one.

Purchasing Farming Simulator 22 was that mistake. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I purchased this game as intended. Let's just put the idea out there of a Russian plug who is strapped with ethically sourced CD codes. Unfortunately, this stops me from refunding this piece of garbage shovel-ware content. The graphics just can't stand par with releases releasing today or have been released recently. As a fructose-blooded American whose eated over a hundred pounds of corn product. I can state factually that the maize models are morally atrocious to anyone wanting to call themselves a patriot. User experience has clearly been left out with the cows at night because purchasing a tractor, the lifeblood vessel of everyday farmers. Is a tiring, rage-filled, slow process that doesn't even work. I understand video games as an art medium seek to capture the depravity of everyday life. But simulated dealerships are where I draw the line. I can at least call it out for what it is, Jobist Corporate Bureaucratic rhetoric. But you won't get me with your propaganda. The vehicle handling is embarrassingly wrong. They should add VR support so I can at least get spatial awareness. And the cold start procedure makes me want to stick my head in the fans of a moving combine harvester. After my ears witnessed the horribly innacurate engine sound of the heavy duty tree shaker did I find great joy in mentally simulating my farmer in a freak equipment accident. That would leave him without eighty percent of his lower body. Right below his sternum to be exact. I wanted to see my virtual farmer break under the immense weight of medical debt and insurance payments. I hoped he would declare bankruptcy as a means to an end for this financial mightmare. It won't get his wife to sleep with him again BUT HEY AT LEAST WE CAN KEEP THE HOUSE RIGHT!?!?! AND AND MAYBE AFTER PHYSICAL THERAPY, I'LL BE ABLE TO OPERATE THAT TREE SHAKER AGAIN! AND THEN THAT LITTLE FARMER ♥♥♥♥♥ WHO'S BEEN F*CKING MY WH*RE OF A WIFE WILL FINALLY KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE SHAKEN APART LIKE I HAVE! AND HE CAN EXPLORE THE AGONY I FELT, LEFT WITHOUT LEGS AND NEVER ABLE TO WANDER DOWN YOUR FIELDS WITHOUT THE HELP OF A WHEELCHAIR... BUT IT WOULDN'T GET THAT BAD BECAUSE ILL HAVE MY IMPLANTS BY THEN. AND ILL WALK THAT FAT FARMER ASS DOWN THE HOSPITAL. ONCE I MAKE IT TO YOUR ROOM, THAT'S WHEN YOU'LL LEARN WHAT REAL FEAR. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE SHAKER, IT CAN'T GET YOU IN HERE, BUT I CAN. AND THAT CORD ATTACHED TO THE WALL HAS NEVER LOOKED SO BRIGHT, ITS POSITIVELY GLOWING YOU LITTLE F*CK. But my daydream was cut short by the *ss multiplayer. Even friends cant make this sh*t fun.

^^^

...

I find it so confusing as to why this game has such a cult following with a 96% positive rating, it makes me feel like I'm missing something. But all the time I've sunk into this game has been extremely painful and rage-inducing.

Pros
- Good base building system
- Cool bosses to fight
- Sailing is really fun (when it works properly)
Cons
- Same enemy type for each biome
- Every biome feels the exact same with the fauna, enemies, etc
- Lackluster combat
- Terrible hunger system
- Pretty buggy ( and I understand it's early access but their asking for 20$)
- Loot drops on death which doesn't work for this type of game
- Horrid progression
- Boring exploration

Key Points
1. The progression is a slog to play through and made me want to quit at every turn
2. Had a bug which caused a boat that took hours to grind for it to do a back flip and disappear
3. The loot drops on death, so dying in an impossible or aggravating area is akin to a hard reset. This also translates into, instead of progressing your armor and weapons you just end up running around naked punching everything since good tier weapons and tools are so expensive.
4. there are only like 6 unique structures I've found in my around 8 hours of play, and all of them except for the skeleton crypt have felt totally boring and uninteresting. It's not fun finding the same abandoned village/farm for the 50th time.
5. Im now editing this review as a game breaking bug has just rendered my friends character unplayable. Everytime he joins my server he is desynced and is unable to do anything, not to mention everytime he drives our longboat it instantly breaks. Thank you for 21.6 hours of grinding wasted...

This game feels exactly like Ylands to me which didn't do well in its own right. I can only hope they roll out many updates to fix everything but I'm also staying wearing that this game might end up as an early access scam (dear god I hope they prove me wrong).

ONE OF THE WORST EXPERIENCES IN GAMING TO DATE.

Hunter: Call of the Wild(TM) is a disturbing recreation of mentally agonizing violence and extremist anti-climate theory. No other video game has more realistically projected the deadliness of modern-day-hyper-war-assault-platform-firearms into the collective minds of the unwashed. Steal the virtual lives of the most infallibly innocent creatures that roam our planet. Accompanied by visuals so visceral you question when video games will bridge the gap into reality, 2070 probably. After five hours of BORING play, each minute of mindless wandering through one of the most inaccurate forest scapes in gaming. Do you realize the peril you are in. For each 9,192,631,770th of a cycle measured between the transition of the layers of a cesium-133 atom is exponentially increased as stated in this formula - TD/S = S^-1(FR*f*KD)^FS. Despite only spending five hours in the real world, I lived through the additive experience of two hundred and fifty-five years. So if there's nothing to do between hunting animals, where's the fun? Well, my friend the fun is only found after hour ten, when you become not only aware but an avid subscriber to the "Anti Climate Animal Murder Theory". In which you as the player and virtual hunter must come to terms and justify in real time your moral standing when questioned under the guise of unethical animal brutality. Would you take the life of an innocent friendly bear if it was attacking your wife? Could you sleep with yourself knowing you sprayed a harmless deer's gray matter over a tree for food, when there's a KFC only fifteen miles away? In my long stasis and absence from society, I was able to critically analyze this theory. I have concluded in my time of study that it's stupid. I pray every night that hunting reform is instated to protect our nationally treasured wildlife and the right for all living creatures to have a place in this ♥♥♥♥ hole known as ""North America"". And I will not stop fighting from my keyboard until every squirrel and wild hog can roam the velvet green of our most proud jewel, also known as a testament to the evils and corruption of mankind, also known as forests, without getting shot. Leave that to the humans guns are not an animal thing. I don't even think a ape can figure out the inner workings of a fire select, and neither can I. Because in the end were also just animals. But we invented the concept of a brain so we could invent cool ♥♥♥♥. But in the end, the game is just not that fun at least to me. I would much rather play a cop game about shooting criminals instead because that's actually realistic.

Thank you.