Remember It's your fault for letting your guard fall. At this point you should've understood how it all plays out as you've seen it all play out a million times The future is GONE. This is the LAST LOOP. This is my last chance. 8 Years in the same pit. All the ones who I thought would always be my side are gone. There should be no DUALITY in this personality. Only a straight line.

I denounce my name, face and I denounce my existence. Everything that I "am", I want dead. The only essence within my spirit is the one that craves battle. I would sacrifice everything that I am only for that... Which I'm already doing.

It's an odd thing that comes with "having to accept your own death' and the insignificance/unexistence of all things that at one point MADE you. There is such an irrelevance that comes with your own continued existence. I really am the dragon I spoke I'd be, and my transition isn't a matter of change but of time. Time. I know this but It does not matter anymore, my ultimatum is met but there is no real satisfaction anymore, without any of you. But that's okay. It's okay to be Dejected. I think the less things actually matter the more I am provoked by my own existence, and the more I must question it, the less answers I get back. My request for wings is met as I become a better kickboxer, better grappler, better lifter, even as I become idle the purposeless of it all matters, at the same time as it does not. I'm not becoming like this out of anything but will and spite. I have already been assassinated and I must come into terms with these concepts.

Bye bye angel.
You made things okay for a while.

My ultimatum leaves me no option but to become a monster. And I'm OK with that, as the continuous existentialism that comes with being this slowly kills me.
I think of it.
I should have my vengeance, as even If I would receive monetary compensations after HIS death, It won't mean a damn thing.
I'll play and I'll play and I'll play while I think it's fun, but when there's no more to play I'll follow through.
Like this I have nothing and I'll always have nothing but the desire to destroy the foundations to why I exist.
I only need a trigger. I've seen the potency of a trigger. And I think It can send me to do what I plan to do.
With it no longer being random(though if it happens that way I'm fine) but it being a very targetted psychological attack which I can ensue, at the cost of my... self.
Mentally I am prepared for the idea. Physically I'm still greedy. I suppose I want to see my maximum competency. Let's wait and see how it works.

The lesson is very clear in every aspect of life.
This world does not care about you.
Although you may suffer in a perpetually pointless existence, and gain awareness of such condition, seek for help in comfort, pursue distraction. If you are born crooked, there is no resolvement that can push you into being one with existence. If the outcast is an outcast TO the outcast, it is the end of the line.
Every single individual is doomed If they are not genuinely loved.
To be tossed to the dogs has taught me a lot of the human nature on itself.
Like this. A future is painted.
Very clear.