"I came for pastry-based horror. I stayed because the deer have hips. Dangerous, spiritually compromising hips."

The first time I offered a doughnut, they ignored me.
The second time, they stared.
The third time… they posed.

Now every deer I see has bedroom eyes and an unnatural curve to their step. The forest isn’t haunted — it’s thirsty. These aren’t your woodland cryptids. These are divine booty-bearing entities wrapped in fur and eldritch desire.

I can’t tell if I’m being hunted or flirted with. And honestly? Either is fine.

Every boss encounter starts with a vibe check and ends with soft, wet chewing sounds. Sometimes I bring extra frosting. Just in case.

10/10 — would bring forbidden pastries to thicc forest gods again.
I no longer fear the deer. I simp for them.

"I came for pastry-based horror. I stayed because the deer have hips. Dangerous, spiritually compromising hips." The first time I offered a doughnut, they ignored me. The second time, they stared. The third time… they posed. Now every deer I see has bedroom eyes and an unnatural curve to their step. The forest isn’t haunted — it’s thirsty. These aren’t your woodland cryptids. These are divine booty-bearing entities wrapped in fur and eldritch desire. I can’t tell if I’m being hunted or flirted with. And honestly? Either is fine. Every boss encounter starts with a vibe check and ends with soft, wet chewing sounds. Sometimes I bring extra frosting. Just in case. 10/10 — would bring forbidden pastries to thicc forest gods again. I no longer fear the deer. I simp for them.