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Jeff Gerstmann

"2Human" Jeff Gerstmann

Most people know Jeff from his youtube instructional on how to make delicious chocolate marshmallow treats or from his critically acclaimed series of shopping haul video reviews. A few of you may even know him as the co-founder of Giant Bomb [giantbomb.com], the video games website that CBSi corporate have called their least important branch. However, none of that means nothing to Jeff, it's nothing but a farce, a means for him to amuse himself as he waits for the inevitable end of times as we know them.

You see Jeff was involved in one of the most controversial breaches of ethics in videogame journalism known to man. In 2008 Silicon Knights released the game "Too Human" and Jeff saw it for what it was. The genius Dennis Dyack created his magnum-opus, an innovative action game that featured RPG mechanics such as levelling and random loot. It was supposed to be Diablo reborn, it was supposed to be Microsoft's biggest IP, it was supposed to usher in a gaming age where the focus wasn't on fun, but repeating the same task over and over in hopes for getting shinier and shinier loot. Only the corrupt games journalist were terrified, they were afraid of progress, and to ensure that it didn't happen they made sure Too Human only received a review aggregate of 65%. Worst yet, the hero Dennis Dyack was humiliate on an industry message board when he asked users to stand with him or against him on the assumption of if the game was well received, Dyack was humiliated. Nobody stood with him. Nobody but Jeff ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥' Gerstmann.

Jeff took it to the street, paved the with the spilt egos of his industries big honchos in what was the hottest shoot in video games journalism. Vanord? Fled to Belgium. Giancarlo Varanini? Ran to France. You see nobody but Jeff survived Too Human, not even Dennis, not even Silicon Knights. But Jeff knows Too Human 2 is inevitable just like Half life 3, Advent Rising 2 or the Final Fantasy VII Remake, it's going to happen. Dennis will get the money from a totally legitimate kickstarter campaign or direct from the Queens Canadian government. When it happens Jeff's going to be ready for the war of Too Human Too; only this time he's got his sights on the likes of the McElroy's, Jason Shrier, and the turncoat Austin "Professa Killah" Walker.

Jeff don't care about wrestling styles and he sure as hell doesn't give a ♥♥♥♥ about championships. He's just entering the ring so that he knows he's the strongest person in the games industry for when the things once again become 2human.

"So people keep on treating the internet like it's some kind mother ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ rap beef!
You got Kevin Pereira over here says 'my taint this'
You got Kevin Vanord over here writing his review
You got Neogaf over here
You got Giancarlo Varanini over here sayin' whatever
I'm sayin' whatever man?
You wanna bring that ♥♥♥♥, let's bring that ♥♥♥♥!
I take it straight to the streets man!
2Human mother ♥♥♥♥♥♥!"

Costume 1: 2Human Jeff Gerstmann
Costume 2: Jeff Classic
Costume 3: Dr. Tracksuit didn't show up to an event, Jeff needs to cosplay and cover for him!
Costume 4: Dr. Conrad Tracksuit had to perform an emergence wisdom tooth removal 10 minutes before bell time, Jeff needs to cosplay and cover for him!