Cave Johnson here. Just a reminder that I'm your boss and I have the power to fire your butt whenever I please. And by your butt I mean you, because to be honest I can't even tell much of a difference right now. That's right, I am NOT happy. Some wise guy ...

Cave Johnson here. Due to the numerous minor complaints and/or violent death threats we've received about the use of trace amounts of liquid asbestos solution in our Excursion Funnels, the funnel in this next test is made using a completely different mater...

Cave Johnson here. I've just been informed that a Mr L.B. from our programming department has been unwell recently. Sorry about that, it's probably the micro-parasites we put into your keyboard. Don't worry about it, all they do is make you feel unwell but...

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Aperture Science Multiverse Olympics. Alien Athletes, Mutated Horrors, Interdimensional Monsters from the Depths of Hell, you're here because we want to test. And you are fit. Now, you all met each other on the Transdi...

Hello Test Subject, it's Cave. Not gonna lie to you, this test is pretty difficult compared to this moron's usual chambers so you'll probably be in here a little while. So, if you need to go to the bathroom, just find a quiet little corner and keep it neat...

Ahoy, me hearties! Cap'n Cave 'ere, just wanted to let yer know that since all yer young scallywags are gettin' all miserable over not bein' able to do yer usual testin', we've installed a swashbucklin' test chamber right 'ere on the ship. Aye, the ship ai...

Hello, soldier. Welcome to the Extraterrestrial Combat project, or XCOM for short. We are Earth's last and only defense against the alien invaders who have taken over our governments and convinced humanity to obey them using widespread propaganda and dubio...

Cave here. You may have noticed in that last test that we replaced all the lights with refraction prisms to alter your perception of the visible spectrum. As a result you should start seeing beautiful rainbows appear all over the place. If you find the end...