17 years ago I decided I wanted to develop a new skin for an at that time unknown video game. Sometimes in life you have a gut feeling and I had one. I knew I wanted to develop a hatchet made out of meat.

I traveled 5 states away to live with a cattle rancher named Sigmund Rontondler. Sigmund was skeptical at first and assumed I was just another city boy looking for a free room and board ticket. But, as I explained to him, I needed to research for development of this skin. He was suspicious, but decided the good lord must have sent me for a reason.

I worked for Sigmund absolutely free for 17 years. He gave me a room and kept me fed. I learned everything there is to know about cattle ranching and the proper cuts of beef for every situation. The town respected me and grew to accept me as a local.

Sigmund's 3 children affectionately called me "Uncle Beef" as time went on. I participated in all the of the family holidays and spent all of my free time with the Rontondler family. They are the one true family I have in my life.

Six months ago, I decided I had learned what I needed to learn to develop this new video game skin. I broke the news to Sigmund privately. He was visibly shaken at the thought of losing this boy who became a man under his roof. A couple weeks went by and I broke the news to the rest of the family. The kids began to cry and Mrs. Rontondler couldn't even clean the supper mess after a hearty roast. I told them that I would be packing my bags that evening and be gone in the morning. The household retired to a somber mood.

I woke at 3 am to a scream coming from Mr. and Mrs. Rontondler's bedroom. I rushed to their aid where I saw Sigmund clutching his chest.

The stress from the last two weeks had pushed him to have a heart attack. He beckoned for me between tight breaths. "Beef, come to me" he said. "I.....think...this is the....end of the road.....for me. You MUST make that video...game..skin. Do the Rontondlers....proud....my....booooy." Sigmund slipped into the dark abyss of death.

After the funeral and making sure the Rontondler's were set to continue on without Sigmund, I rushed back home and googled "best video game for a meat hatchet skin" and I found this video game called "Rust." I bought this game and played it for 17,000 hours even though I hated it. The game was a stupid waste of time and full of a bunch of really nasty, stupid people. I hated the people who made the game and I hated the people who played it. I had to make this skin.

I studied how the hatchet hit trees, rocks, animals, and people. The sounds, the air dynamics, and the altitude effects of air pressure. All of these attributes just skim the surface of the research into developing this meat hatchet skin.

After all of this studying, I launched MS Paint and in 15 minutes designed the best hatchet skin a video game has ever seen.

I know you are up there looking down at me Sigmund. This hatchet is for you, father.