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Inside Joke Set Five

Yet another yet another set of 24 stupid items that are very unbalanced and comedic in nature. These items can be found in all chests.

Items added in this mod:

Dive Rocket Launcher: Your Special deals 20% more damage and no longer has a cooldown. Reset your Special every 3 seconds (this ignores unresettable Specials). Start each battle with OPTIONLESS.
--Optionless: You cannot use your Primary, Secondary or Defensive. Wears off after battle.

Pot of Greed: At the start of the battle, draw 2 cards. You get effects depending on what cards you drew.

Gay-dar: Whenever your abilities deal damage, you have a 5% chance to give yourself GAY+ for 5 seconds and an additional 5% chance to apply GAY- to the damaged opponent for 5 seconds.
--Gay+: Every time you use an ability, fire a laser that deals 100 damage.
--Gay-: The afflicted enemy takes 25% more damage from all attacks.

Isekai Cheat Skills: When you pick this up, roll a dice. This item's effect depends on the number rolled.
1: Your GCDs become 0.3 seconds.
2: Your non-Defensive cooldowns become 1 second.
3: You deal 200% more damage with abilities.
4: You deal 1000% more damage with loot items.
5: Whenever you use your Primary, give yourself STONESKIN for 10 seconds.
6: Apply all of the above effects.

Pizza Monster: Your max HP is reduced by 3. After each battle, take damage and permanently deal 25% more damage.

Brown Brick: Starts each battle with 1 charge. When you use your Primary, this loses 1 charge and throws a brick, dealing 2000 damage. This item has a 10% chance to gain a charge each time you use your Defensive.

Minecraft Lava Block: At the start of each battle, give all allies LAVA RAGE for 99 seconds. Every 5 seconds, take damage.
--Lava Rage: Your GCDs become 0.7 seconds, you deal 40% more damage, and your cooldowns are reduced by 1 second every second.

Critical Failure: You are unlucky. You can no longer critically hit, or hit for randomized damage. Start each battle with ABYSSAL RAGE for 30 seconds. Your damage is increased by 50% + 10% for every 10 seconds elapsed in battle.

Spiderus: When you use your Primary, Secondary and Special in that order, deal 1 damage to all allies besides yourself and get BLOOD RAGE for 20 seconds.
--Blood Rage: Your GCDs become 0.7 seconds, you deal 40% more damage, and your cooldowns are reduced by 1 second every second.

Magical Flying Recliner: Every 10 seconds, standing still will give you brief invulnerability and make you leap towards an enemy, dealing 500 damage. Starts battle on cooldown.

Tomato-Related Artifacts Shelf: Every 40 times you or debuffs you apply deal damage to an enemy, give all allies STEAMY for 8 seconds.
--Steamy: Your cooldowns are reduced by 1 second every second. Your abilities and loot items that have cooldowns deal 50% more damage.

Normal Beans: Become immune to buffs and most debuffs. Your damage is increased by 80%.

Endgame Boss in the First Area: Your max HP is reduced by 2. Your damage is reduced by 20%. At the start of battle, get DESPAIR for 20 seconds. After every battle, get 20 coins and 150 exp.
--Despair: Deals damage to you upon wearing off.

Red Champion Ragman: Your max HP is increased by 3. Whenever you deal damage with an ability, deal 50 additional damage. You deal 50% less damage with abilities.

The Mirror Exercise: Every second you stand still in battle, deal 1% more damage until the end of the battle (max. 100%). If you are a Wizard, using your Defensive restores 1 HP and adds 10% to this item, and this item has a max of 200% instead.

Bleach in a Cup: Whenever you gain a buff, take damage and deal 1000 damage to all enemies. If you are an Assassin, you do not take damage.

The KILN: At the start of each battle, become SUPER-CHARGED for 20 seconds. If you are a Heavyblade, your Special no longer has a cooldown, but its GCD is increased by 50%.
--Super-Charged: Your GCDs become 0.3 seconds.

Arabian Nights and the Secret Rings: Your Primary, Secondary and Special's GCDs become the average GCD of your Primary, Secondary and Special. If you are a Dancer, your GCDs become 0.75 seconds instead and you become incredibly luckier (+30%).

Thilvis' Glowing Watering Can: Your Special's cooldown is reduced by 30%. If you are a Druid, triple the number of times your Secondary and Special hit.

Bakazord's Remote Wand: Using your Special gives all allies a random buff that lasts 5 seconds. If you are a Spellsword, this effect applies three times.

Missable Bottle: Your Primary's damage is reduced by 30%. Your Primary has a 20% chance to deal its damage 3 additional times to the target. If you are a Sniper, this chance is 100% instead.

Bean Growth Rate App: Every 5 seconds, erase nearby projectiles. If you are a Bruiser, also deal 500 damage to that area and give yourself STEAMY for 5 seconds.

Suspicious Sticks: Your Primary's GCD is reduced by 0.4 seconds, but its damage is reduced by 20%. If you are a Defender, your Primary's damage is further reduced by 40% but the number of times it hits are tripled.

Medal-Dealer Joe's Medal: Your Special deals 20% more damage and gives you STEAMY for 3 seconds. If you are an Ancient, your Special's cooldown is reduced by 50% and its number of hits are doubled.

Chinese translation graciously given by 千草allin.