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I got 2 small nitpicks that I was wondering if you could fix:
1) some of the subtitles have bigger gaps betwenn sentences
2) the "the Combine is cut off from their homeworld" and the "in case the Combine is listening" sound little wierd, maybe replace the "is" with "are"?
Also how do you know the radio guy's name is Foster?
The only critique I can give is that some of Dr. Kleiner's lines don't really fit his original speech tendencies, which are often filled with overly intricate descriptions and refined hyperboles. I also noticed that Eli's voice has a faster tempo than in the original titles.
Other than that, this demo was very authentic and true to the original titles. It almost felt like I was playing some sort of unreleased insider demo from Valve featuring expansions for already recognized story elements.
As an added note, the writing is also really good, sounds exactly like how they speak in the official games, Magnusson being loud, rude and full of himself, Eli being the kinder voice of caution, Kleiner being the objective scientist, and Mossman knowing more than she lets on with the way she speaks. Really great job!