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Novel idea, however.
Seriously, it doesn't need changing. Quit over-thinking it.
Highest Ping = the host should look at everyone's ping (the number next to their name), and pick whoever's highest.
The "youngest" and "oldest" require a bit of honesty from the players, but the novelty of this die generally results in honest answers.
All you have to do is have a name starting with A, be the oldest, bloat your ping with proxies, and opt to be the dice roller.