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(Seriously though, this looks great! Great Job.)
Shortening the length also changes the look and size of the sprites because the effect is based on velocity. There is symmetry on all sides except for the front and bottom and they alternate in length and emission. The emission is predetermined and without emit noise there is no good way to avoid a convergence where all the puffs emit at the same time so the best thing is to only have it happen at very long intervals. This is what happened with the blue Engineer. I also set up the emission such that the left and right side converge which makes it look like there is steam coming out of both ears.
Did you build in any symmetry (or close to it) of the emission points? That's a bit hard to gauge from the vid and at least the blu engi suggests that.
I'd argue the length of the beam could be cut by ~10% or so to look better on common hats but it will then probably be too close for something like the towering pillar of hats. IMHO the top beams are the ones that stand out - the bottom/sideway beams are OK.
Circular emission is the easiest to implement but it still will have the same issues with the direction of the moving smoke.
I have attempted a circular steam emission effect some years ago but that also needed to be confined to preset directions.
All these workarounds only leaves me with an extremely limited set of parameters that I can barely tweak to make the effect look like this. Maybe this is the only way or maybe there is a better way but for that I do not know.
For randomisation: An unknown TF2 update broke emit noise at an engine level in the most labyrinthian way possible and I only found that out myself when the effect was almost finished so I had to remake the entire thing.
For directional randomisation: Sunbeams does it by only emitting a single sprite that must be of uniform length otherwise there are visual issues. This cannot work for pressure beams which are intended to have dissipation, move due to velocity, have slightly different lengths and different emission timings.
I get you're going for a lengthy trajectory as a proxy for the pressure, but this feels a bit off...
The beam is a bit too collimated for the first 2/3 and only really dissipates afterward, making it more akin to a broccoli than steam, IMHO. I think this would benefit from a bit larger cone of dissipation starting from the base.
You could also use a circular emission with nothing in the middle, that'd be wider and less pronounced, but would require some tweaking to visualise the pressure more. That'd be more like steam emanating from a badly covered opening, rather than from a puncture.