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See if you can make a cotton candy scattergun or some other nonsense for the primary slot.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Americana
The set itself is meant to represent a member of a Barbershop Quartet (I was also influenced by Vaudeville performers since some also wore boater hats and were still around when barbershop quartets were gaining popularity. Perhaps I should have used a different name for the set as Sideshows are usually associated with circuses but I loved the alliteration too much to part with it. Note how the other names are simply generic old timey 'showbiz' terms.) which were a huge part of American culture at the turn of the 20th century and had a strong following even in the 50s and 60s, when TF2 takes place.
I'm not mad or anything, I just want people to understand my thought process going into making an item. (Plus I like writing this kind of stuff out.) Thanks for your input! (I might try out that Heavy strongman idea though; I just have to think of weapons that fit.)
P.P.S You also haven't ruled out the possibility of the mustache being a really good fake. Adding tape to the model to make it obvious would be easy or maybe Valve could make a comic and at the end the Scout would be sooooo embarrassed when everyone finds out and laughs at him.
(Yes I typed this out then split it up and posted it backwards because there it a 1000 character limit on messages.)