vSTATSv
its a luck based lunchbox item so you will be getting something else every time you eat it and the message tells what it will be so here they are

this is a joke but can be used as a idea

effects last 20 seconds

good ones
1.you will be prayed by gaben>50% chance for random crits
2.you will prove scout wrong>you get a 50% speed boost and 25% damage to scouts
3.you will be as strong as a rock>lowers damage on anything your hit by
4.your gun will have no limits>you have inf ammo and you dont go slower when shooting
5.t6ufj8583jf>for every person killed fire will brust out of them hurting anyone near it
6.you will prove sniper wrong>your shots do not cluster and you do 25% more damage to snipers
7.you will prove soldier wrong>you jump 40% higher and your shots explode on impact
8.you are a god>get uber

bad ones
1.you will be on the sun>be on fire
2.your too fat for this>you are 50% slower
3.sniper proved you wrong>your shots cluster 30% more and anyshots by sniper is a insta kill
4.you will blast up in space>you will explode and be thrown up high(explode does not kill kill you)
5.your head looks nice>the hhh is spawned on you and will go away when you are killed and only target you.
6.you are baby>you are scared
7.your gun is too weak for combat>your weapons do -20% less damage
8.the devil has come to take your soul>you bleed 8 damage for 1 minute and you must kill 3 people in order to cure it